


Uncharted Territory

by starrdust411



Series: Ways of the Force [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Drama, Established Relationship, Force-Sensitive Leia Organa, Heavy Angst, M/M, Mpreg, Not Canon Compliant - Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Post-Star Wars: Return of the Jedi, Pregnancy, Rey Skywalker, Skywalker Family Drama, Skywalker Family Feels, Slash, Strained Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-14
Updated: 2018-05-14
Packaged: 2019-03-18 04:50:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 63,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13674618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starrdust411/pseuds/starrdust411
Summary: When a map to a forgotten Jedi planet crosses his path, Luke finds himself at a crossroads between family and duty.





	1. Chapter 1

The scent hit him with all the potency of a hand slamming flat against his nose. Luke felt his skin prickle and eyes water from the mere intensity of it and for the first time in what must have been months his stomach actually began to roll. He bit his cheek in an attempt to silence the groan that was welling up in his throat, but part of it slipped out anyway as he wrapped his arms around his middle and instinctively flinched away.

To his right Han was having far too much fun at his expense, an amused smirk clearly pulling at his lips despite the way he was attempting to cover his mouth with his hand. That same hand was also currently inching closer to his nose, a clear indication that Han wasn’t immune to the odor himself.

Luke cleared his throat in a sad effort to cover his revulsion as he gazed up at Chewbacca who was still standing expectantly over him. He wanted so desperately to make an excuse to leave the room, to flee from the deep metal pot and the horrifying smelling it was currently exuding, but Luke also knew that doing so would hurt Chewie’s feelings and the last thing he wanted was to offend one of his friends. 

“Oh, Chewie,” Luke began tightly, straining to speak while holding in his nausea and just barely managing to accomplish either goal. “I really appreciate the gesture, but… I’m not in the mood for stew.”

Chewie gave a few low barks as he shook his head and gestured towards the pot before removing the lid. A plum of steam floated towards the ceiling as the overpowering smell nearly bowled Luke over. He had to close his eyes for a moment to keep back the watery sting. His nose curled in response to the scent that was like an unfortunate cross between a swamp and a dead animal and suddenly Luke’s mind was sent hurdling back towards his days spent sprinting through the marshes on Dagobah.

“He says it’s a soup, not a stew,” Han supplied helpfully. His own voice was a touch pinched as he struggled to maintain his composure. “It’s an old recipe that’ll help the baby grow. He thinks you’re malnourished.”

Luke frowned over at Han, his arms settling around the swell of his stomach and resting in a more relaxed manner as he gradually began to adjust to the smell. “I can’t imagine where he got an idea like that.”

Somehow Han’s grin actually managed to widen and Luke wasn’t ashamed to admit that he hoped Han was in as much agony as he was over the oppressive stench. “Hey, don’t look at me. The med-droid told you that you were on the small side, remember?”

“It also said that I was perfectly healthy, if either of you would bother to remember that,” Luke huffed, using his indignity as a pretense to stand and in the hopes of fleeing from the kitchen that was starting to feel more crowd with every strained breath. Yet his plans were dashed when Chewie, as gently as he could manage, pushed him back down.

“I’ll, uh, grab some bowls,” Han offered, the hint of a laugh coloring his words as he rummaged through the cupboards.

Luke sat quietly and swallowed against the reluctance filling his stomach as Han handed Chewie a small bowl which the Wookie dismissed in favor of a larger one. The broth was a deep brownish green and filled with heavy lumps that Luke couldn’t identify. Chewie ladled soup into the bowl until it was dangerously close to spilling over the rim before setting it down in front of Luke. The baby began kicking almost frantically within him, the smell oppressively strong now that it was directly in front of him.

_He means well,_ Luke told himself and the child as he prepared himself to eat. Despite the fact that Han had grabbed a set of bowls for himself and Chewie, their dishes remained empty, a clear indication that the entire pot, no doubt the largest one in the kitchen, was meant solely for Luke. Gathering the broth into his spoon, Luke could feel Han’s eyes watching him with an almost morbid curiosity. He was relieved to find that the taste wasn’t nearly as overwhelming as the smell had been, although choking down the hard lumps of vegetable wasn’t any easier.

Luke looked to Chewie and gave him a tight lipped smile, which the Wookie rewarded with soft, encouraging barks before petting Luke’s hair.

“You coulda warned me, ya know,” Luke grumbled to Han as he took another bite. 

Han gave a bemused chuckle when Luke attempted to sink his teeth into a bit of meat, only to find that the bone hadn’t been properly removed. “Trust me if I had known, I woulda said something.”

It was only after he had eaten two bowls of soup was Chewie satisfied enough to determine that Luke was free to leave the table. He escaped to sit out on the balcony with Han while they allowed the apartment to air out as Chewie packed away the leftovers. Despite the fact that he hadn’t had anything by way of breakfast, Han seemed content just to drink his caf while they breathed in the fresh air and basked in the warmth of the morning sun.

Luke’s stomach felt as if it was filled with rocks and clumps of sand, but he tried not to dwell on it, even if the baby felt unhappy to be weighed down by the barely digested soup. Tilting his head back against the lounge chair he had settled into, he allowed himself to focus only on taking in the morning air. The wind swept through his hair, pushing his bangs aside and washing over his face as the heavy traffic of air cars and speeders that Coruscant was known for zipped by, weaving between skyscrapers with ease even at their dizzying pace.

Even during his flights of fancy back on Tatoonie, the naïve boy that he had been back then would likely never have imagined himself here, staying in a penthouse apartment on one of the most affluent planets in the galaxy, yet here he was, high above a ground that he could hardly see and lounging on a balcony that was larger than his room back on the old moisture farm. 

After the chaotic turn of events on Volarus, Han had taken Luke and traveled to Leia’s apartment on Coruscant to spend the remainder of his pregnancy in comfort and seclusion. While Han had initially taken all the credit for the plan, Luke had pieced together right away that it had been partially Leia’s idea as she had made sure to call ahead in order to have the cupboards restocked and the apartment cleaned before they even arrived. The penthouse was almost staggeringly large in size and although rarely used. Not that it came as much of a surprise given Leia’s tendency to throw herself too deeply into politics to spend much time resting in the comforts of home, still it seemed odd to live in someone else’s house while they were too busy to properly enjoy it themselves.

Luke sighed and pressed his bare palms against the fabric of his tunic, feeling the baby squirm about inside of him, seeking a comfortable space to stretch. They had been on Coruscant for over three weeks and loathe as he was to admit it, Luke was beginning to feel a bit stir crazy. Even though he was secluded on a vibrant world such as this one, Luke had not been able to wander the streets or take in any of the sights, his comings and goings limited to only a few medical appointments while Han watched him tirelessly and Chewbacca fussed over him night and day. Luke knew that his friends were just looking after him, but he also knew that they didn’t trust him not to run off again, even after he had assured them he had no plans to wander in his condition. On the other hand he did deserve this quiet suspicion, because there had been too many instances to name when he had just disappeared into thin air and this most recent venture had simply been the last straw, but that didn’t stop him from feeling a bit trapped by their good intentions.

A weight pressed against his leg and he looked up to see that Han had moved from the seat across from Luke and was now standing over him with his leg resting comfortably against Luke’s side. Luke smiled and sat a bit straighter as Han grabbed the arms of his lounge chair and pulled it beside Luke’s. “So how’s she liking her breakfast?”

Luke offered him a tight lipped frown as Han smiled a bit too broadly while lowering himself down carefully, mindful of the warm drink in his hand. “She loved it,” Luke said sarcastically. “In fact, she thinks you should have the leftovers.”

“Fat chance Chewie will even let me smell the stuff,” he scoffed. “He made it especially for you, so you’ll have the pleasure of enjoying every last bite.”

Luke said nothing, choosing only to roll his eyes as he remembered that this was just Chewbacca’s way of being helpful. 

“Don’t worry,” Han hummed into the brim of his mug, “I’m sure once the baby’s born you won’t have to worry about having a Wookie for a personal chef anymore.”

“It was a nice gesture,” Luke sighed as the odd flavor sat awkwardly on his tongue. 

The baby seemed to finally find a comfortable position, settling down amongst the remaining bits of meat and vegetable lingering inside his stomach and curling up to rest. Luke closed his eyes and settled back as well. 

“Yeah and I can tell from the lovely shade of green your skin turned you really appreciated that gesture,” he joked before taking a long gulp of his caf. Han let out a long sigh once he had swallowed and turned towards the obscured view of the horizon. Already the sky was taking on a bluer color, the gold of morning nearly gone as the temperatures crept upward. “Ya know this planet isn’t so bad.”

“I wouldn’t know. I haven’t seen it,” Luke grumbled as he smoothed out the front of his tonic with his palms. He hated this new sedentary lifestyle, hated how soft and uncoordinated he had become. Even though the med-droid’s scales had said otherwise, Luke felt as if he had nearly doubled in size since they had arrived on Coruscant. He hadn’t voiced his frustrations to Han or Chewie, because it didn’t seem fair to put that sort of blame on them, yet Luke had the feeling that his friends were starting to catch on.

Han reached out a palm and rested it on Luke’s thigh. His hand was still warm from the mug’s surface and when his strong fingers ran up and down Luke’s leg he couldn’t deny that it felt pleasantly soothing. “Maybe there’ll be time later,” Han ventured. “Maybe… maybe this could be where we settle down?”

Luke felt his eyes slip open at Han’s words, his gaze turning to study his features only to find that Han was being sincere for once. This wasn’t the first time Han had brought up the idea of the two of them finding a place to call home, but Luke still found it strange how much the idea soured him. He hadn’t had a real home since Tatoonie and at first, it had been sad and frustrating, but now that was just the way things were. Wandering from place to place helping others or searching ruins was just him. Staying in one place and setting roots felt like the sort of thing for someone who didn’t exist anymore. 

“Han… I…”

“We don’t have to stick around here, per se,” Han continued, gesturing back towards the penthouse behind them. “In fact, I’m sure Leia would appreciate it if we didn’t”

There was a hopeful gleam in Han’s eyes and Luke was ashamed to admit he wasn’t very fond of it. They had had this conversation before and it always lead to a place that Luke didn’t like. “Han,” he began, fumbling for something to say. “What about the Falcon?”

“We’ll always still have the Falcon to take for a spin.” Han chuckled as he placed his mug aside. His smile grew warm and wide as he grasped Luke’s hand in his heated palms and pressed a teasing kiss to his knuckles. “Chewie’ll look after the baby, while the two of us head off for a while… That’ll be especially helpful after we’re married and honeymooning…”

The words struck Luke like a jolt to his chest and he hated how uncomfortably closed in he felt while Han projected only comfort and tenderness in his direction. Han brought up marriage more often that Luke would have ever expected, because somehow the idea that the two of them were having a baby without being properly bonded upset Han more than Luke had anticipated. Yet even now Luke couldn’t see himself as someone’s husband, because that was something the old Luke had been resigned to become. Now he had too many duties and obligations to fulfill to be really tied down in such a way, but Luke knew how much the rejection would hurt Han and so he had kept putting it off no matter how many times it was sprung on him. 

Luke pulled his hand away, the suddenness of the gesture causing Han’s eyes to momentarily widen before making him frown in disappointed confusion. “I, uh,” Luke began as he got to his feet as quickly as he could manage. “I need to rest.”

“Rest?” Han repeated. He glanced back towards the sky as if to confirm something that was obvious before shifting his gaze back to Luke. “It’s still morning.”

“I know, but… I’m still tired,” he said, fumbling about the explanation as he placed his hands on his stomach to illustrate his point. “I guess I didn’t get a lot of sleep.”

The excuse seemed to satisfy Han who only offered a distant shrug as Luke went back inside where the smell of Chewbacca’s soup had dissipated enough that it was no longer unbearable. That didn’t stop Luke from making a direct path towards the guest room that he had been sharing with Han. 

Despite the fact that they had been up for a little over two hours, the bed was still unmade, the sheets just as rumpled and pillows askew as they had been earlier in the morning. Han was supposed to have fixed the bed by now, because it was his turn, but in that moment Luke was fine that the chore hadn’t been done as it gave him an excuse to do something. Walking over to the expansive mattress he gathered the pillows one by one and stacked them on a nearby chair as he sorted through his jumbled thoughts.

Luke loathed the idea of keeping something from Han, especially after everything that had recently transpired between them, but the prospect of rejecting his proposal outright and hurting his feelings felt far worse. Not that there had ever been a proper proposal to begin with, just an idea that Han had come up with and likely assumed that Luke shared and somehow that made things worse. 

He frowned and yanked the sheets clean off, deciding to refit the bedding from scratch in order to smooth out the mattress and give himself more work. Luke hadn’t been lying when he had told Han that he loved him, but a part of him had also hoped that the dynamic between them wouldn’t have to change even after the baby was born. The fact that free-spirited, adventure loving ex-smuggler Han Solo was so willing to be tied down while Luke couldn’t even stomach the idea of marriage just seemed warped and wrong.

Bending over to make sure the slip cover was properly tucked into the mattress’s corner, he felt the baby give him pointed push, seemingly no longer content to just sit quietly while he moved about. Luke shook his head and gave the side of his stomach a quick pat before moving on to the next corner. “I know, I know,” he grumbled more to himself than anything else. “He’s your father and he’s great, but it just won’t work out the way he wants.”

The baby didn’t understand, and Luke certainly didn’t expect her to, but somehow she still managed to communicate something akin to disapproval as she offered another push at his belly.

“You’re right,” he said jokingly as he grabbed the blanket and draped it across the bed. “We need to meditate on this.”

Luke still took his time to fold and tuck the sheets between the box and the mattress, adding the quilt and pounding on the pillows with a bit more force than was strictly necessary before he finally felt satisfied by his handy work. With the task now completed, Luke lowered himself down on to the mattress. He positioned himself towards the center of the bedding as best as he was able, tucking his feet underneath him with some difficulty, before at last allowing his mind to drift into a place of quiet reflection. 

He stayed locked away in the guest bedroom in this manner for a good hour under the guise of sleep. Each calming breath that he took brought on an air of tranquility to steady the frantic wheeling of his mind as he struggled to seek solutions that were impossible to find.

-

It was late enough in the afternoon that the sky had darken slightly as the sun began its gradual decent. Leia and the droids arrived unannounced and given that it was her apartment neither Han nor Luke felt the need to comment on it. They were both just silently grateful that enough time had passed since lunch (when Chewbacca had warmed the leftover soup) for the apartment to once again be odor free. 

Despite her usual groomed and put together appearance exhaustion radiated from Leia from the moment she crossed through the threshold of the foyer. She greeted Luke with a warm embrace and a peck to the cheek, the smell of rain water and fresh earth still clinging to her skin beneath the soaps and perfume. 

“How was Volarus?” Luke asked, the planet’s name almost instantly triggering a weary sigh to escape her lips.

“Absolutely dreadful,” C3P-O answered automatically as Leia extracted herself from Luke in order to remove the jacket she had been wearing. “Be grateful you left when you did. The rain never let up and those mudslides…”

“Mudslides?” Luke found himself echoing. He turned to Leia, studying her for any indication that she had been injured at all, only for her to pin him with a look that was gentle, yet chastising. He knew better than to worry, because Leia was more than capable of handling herself and the mere fact that she was standing in front of him, safe and whole and completely mud free, was evidence enough. Yet the protective edge came to him like a knee jerk reaction and even as he gazed at her pristine, blemish free person he still found his mind churning.

“He’s exaggerating,” Leia said with a dismissive wave of her hand. “There was only the one. Although it did slow us down a great deal.”

“Well, that’ll do it,” Han mumbled. It was clear to see that he was indeed relieved that they hadn’t stuck around to be caught up in that particular bit of chaos.

“What about the attacks?” Luke asked. “Were you able to work things out with the gorillas?”

“After a solid week of negotiations, yes,” she said wearily. “It wasn’t easy, not that we expected it to be, but eventually we got them to understand that the Republic’s presence wouldn’t be nearly as intrusive as the Empire’s had been. I have a feeling they weren’t completely convinced, it’ll probably take a few years of peaceful cooperation before there’s significant progress in that regard, but at least they were willing to let us finish repairing the infrastructure.” 

Luke smiled, proud of Leia’s achievement, not that she needed his approval or encouragement. She had always been well versed when it came to negotiations and bringing people together. Clearly of the two she was the born politician, although there were shades of warrior within her.

“Well I’m glad to hear you found a way to wrap things up neatly,” Luke grinned. “And I’m sure you’re exhausted after your trip. Han and Chewie and I really appreciate you letting us stay here while you were gone, but we won’t impose on you any further.”

He didn’t have to turn his head to see the pointed frown that Han was no doubt sending his way as Chewie let out a confused growl at Luke’s words. Yet Leia was quick to jump in with a calm touch of her hand to his arm and a shake of her head. “You don’t have to leave on my account. There’s more than enough room for all of us.”

Luke offered her a smile that he hoped didn’t come off as too pained, knowing that he wouldn’t have much room for argument in the matter. Not that spending the next few weeks sharing the penthouse with Leia would be terrible. While he was a bit disappointed that he wouldn’t have an excuse to take off and travel, Luke knew that this would be for the best. In a lot of ways it would be akin to their times living together on different bases during the more hectic days of the rebellion, although now the they would all be sharing a more confined space and Luke wouldn’t be assigned to missions or patrols that would take him away from his friends for days at a time.

“I cleared my schedule as best as I could,” Leia told him, her neutral tone a clear hint that she hadn’t picked up on Luke’s reluctance or doubts. “There’s a few meetings that I’ll have to attend over the next week or two, but afterwards I’ll be able to be around as much as possible. I want to be near when the time comes.”

“Well, clearly I won’t be going anywhere for a while.” Luke regretted the note of bitterness that managed to slip into his voice and hoped his light chuckle had been enough to cover it.

Artoo gave out a few quick whistles, his excited noises drawing Luke’s gaze as the astromech droid rolled and whirled at him. “My X-Wing’s here?”

Leia shook her head, her smile both bemused and weary as she looked at Artoo with an almost chiding air. “We had it towed and brought over. It almost got caught up in the landslide, but fortunately we managed to save it.”

Threepio’s already ridged form seemed to stiffen as his glowing eyes flickered from Luke, to Artoo, before landing on Leia. “Ah, Mistress Leia,” Threepio began, his joints clinking as he ambled to her side. Again his chrome head turned toward Luke for half a second before going back to her, lowering his voice in what was no doubt his best attempt at a whisper. “Is it wise to tell Master Luke about the ship? Given his delicate condition, that is.”

Luke felt his jaw fall open at Threepio’s poorly concealed words. He turned to Leia, dumbstruck by the overwhelming embarrassment. “You told Threepio?” he asked incredulously, feeling a touch betrayed. His condition wasn’t a secret anymore per se, but neither was Luke ready to announce it publicly. “I can’t believe-”

“Of course I didn’t tell Threepio!” Leia snapped indignantly. “He must have figured it out on his own.”

The droid in question actually looked a bit guilty as he raised a reluctant golden arm to gain their attention. “Actually Master Luke, sir,” Threepio began sheepishly. “Artoo had been the one to pick it up on his scanners.”

Han snickered openly at Luke’s misfortune as Artoo unleashed a barrage of low, indignant beeps and clicks at Threepio.

“Well don’t bother to deny it! You’re as guilty as I am,” Threepio said snidely down at Artoo, before switching to a more apologetic air as he redirected his gaze back to Luke. “My apologizes, Master Luke. If I had realized it was supposed to be a secret…”

Luke groaned and pressed a weary hand to his forehead while Threepo continued on with his seemingly endless stream of pleadings while Artoo proceeded to whistle his denial. “Its fine Threepio,” Luke sighed at length, because ultimately it didn’t matter. Sooner or later the droids would have found out, it was just that having them know in this way was an embarrassment that he wished could have been avoided. “I’m not upset. Artoo, take me to my X-Wing.”

“Wait a minute.” The sudden change in topic must have caught Han off guard as he made to reach for Luke, only to stop short of grasping his arm. “You’re leaving?” 

There was a slight edge of worry mingled with just the faintest hint of alarm radiating off of Han and Luke was able to detect similar feelings coming from the others. Clearly his “good behavior” over the past few weeks had not earned him any leeway. “I just want to take a look at it,” Luke explained patiently. “Leia did just say it was caught in the landslide.”

“Well, there wasn’t any damage,” Leia put in quickly, likely hoping to dissuade Luke from leaving. “We did register it under your name at the port, but you’ll probably have a few forms to fill out when you get there.”

“We?” Luke repeated, suspecting right away that Leia wasn’t referring to just herself and the droids.

She nodded. “Lando helped us arrange for the tow. He’s probably still at the port.”

“Lando’s here, huh?” Han repeated with exaggerated interest. He smiled and gave Luke’s side a quick nudge before heading over to the hall closet. “I guess I’ll come along and say hello. Right, Chewie?”

Chewie howled in agreement as Han spilled into light jacket before grabbing Luke’s robe.

“I don’t exactly need a pair of escorts,” Luke said wearily. Han stepped behind him in an attempt to help Luke into his robes, but he was quick to grab the wool garment out of Han’s hands. “Artoo and I will be just fine on our own.”

“Hey, who said anything about escorting?” The feigned innocence was painfully clear in Han’s tone and Luke didn’t bother to hide the way his eyes rolled at the sound of it. “Chewie and I are just going to be heading in the same direction.” 

Again Luke sighed, realizing that there would be no escaping his well-intended babysitters. With a shake of his head he slipped into his robes and instructed Artoo to lead the way.

“By the way Princess,” he heard Han call to Leia on their way out the door, “feel free to have some of the soup Chewie made. Luke says it’s real tasty.”

“Is _that_ what I’ve been smelling?” she shot back. “I thought the three of you boiled a Tauntaun!”

-

Just as Leia had predicted there was a slew of paperwork waiting for Luke when they arrived at the port where his X-Wing had been docked. The entire process of reading over documents and waivers, signing his name on leases and initialing vouchers had likely totaled over an hour, although Han and Chewie had grown bored enough during the first fifteen minutes to actually wander off, saying that they would be back to collect Luke later. It wasn’t exactly the way he would have liked for it to have happened, but Luke was grateful to be away from watchful eyes, even if only momentarily. 

Artoo gave a slow, sad whistle and Luke chuckled at the sound. “Don’t worry, this is should be the last one,” he said as he tapped on a few more keys before hitting enter. At last the display lit up, signaling that his files were successfully submitted and approved. Luke returned to the droid at the entrance of the port who issued him a new tag to add to his X-Wing and instructions on how to pay his fee later on.

At long last Luke was allowed access to the inside of the port proper, where he trekked over to the section of the hanger where his X-Wing had been stationed. The ship looked no worse for wear than it had after the first trip to Dagobah and Luke now knew from the lengthy forums and instructions he had been given that it would be possible to have it cleaned from top to bottom while docked in port. 

“I wonder if it can be modified,” Luke mused aloud, running his gloved hand over the metal body, brushing away layers of grim with his fingertips. “Maybe I can make it a bit more… accommodating.”

He had been merely thinking out loud, but Artoo still took it upon himself to offer him a few disapproving clicks in response. 

“Not for any time soon, Artoo,” Luke chuckled as he pulled his hand away and brushed the brittle dirt from his fingers. “I meant for _after_.”

Artoo didn’t seem convinced, a skeptical whistle his response before he began to beep and roll back towards the gate.

“Hold on Artoo,” Luke said as he turned back to his ship. “There’s a few more things that I want to check out.”

Luke took a step towards the ladder leading towards the cockpit, his fingers barely brushing against the railing when a familiar voice called to him, halting his movements.

He turned to see Wedge Antilles approaching, the fellow pilot jogging briskly in his direction. Luke smiled at the unexpected sight, greeting Wedge with a firm hand shake and a friendly grasp of his shoulder. 

“I didn’t expect to see you here, Wedge,” Luke chuckled as the other man released his hand and took a small step back. “Is the whole Alliance on Coruscant today?”

Wedge shook his head, laughing good naturedly at the joke. “No, just me I’m afraid. I’m actually here to deliver a message to you.”

His eyebrows ticked up at Wedge’s comment. His body suddenly went tight, even though he knew he shouldn’t. This was Wedge after all and it was doubtful anything dire had transpired in the three weeks he had been out of the loop. Still there was a sort of inkling running through is body that couldn’t be pushed aside or ignored. “Me? How did you even know I’d be here?”

“I was on Volarus briefly and Leia mentioned you and Han were staying on Coruscant for a bit,” he explained, “but that was about… two weeks ago? Give or take. I actually ran into a friend of yours soon after. Do you remember a monk named Chirrut?”

A laugh bubbled out of him at the mention of the Guardian’s name and Luke suddenly found all of his anxieties dissipating. “Yes, I met him briefly. How is he?”

An uncertain look settled on Wedge’s face as his grin turned a touch uncertain. “He’s, well…” he began, trailing off likely from lack of just what to say or how to say it.

Luke chuckled. That sounded about right.

“He had a message for you,” Wedge said, redirecting their conversation back on course as he dug through his pockets for something. “Well, it’s more like ‘information’ than a message, really.”

Luke watched as Wedge pulled out a data drive from the folds of his flight suit. It was a small, standard issue drive, but from its nicked and paint withered surface, it clearly had seen better days. “What is it?” he asked as Wedge dropped the file into his outstretch palm.

“A star map, I think,” he shrugged. “The monk said something about you searching for artifacts and that this was somewhere you should consider looking later on. A planet called ‘Ahch-To,’ I think.”

A shudder ran through him, a sort of chill that found its way deep into his bones at the weight of the name. He frowned at the drive, fingering its rough surface thoughtfully. Luke had never heard of an Ahch-To before, but if Chirrut thought it was important, than vital information about the Jedi was no doubt waiting there.

His expression must have shifted as he stood musing over the new information, because Wedge’s face suddenly took on a concerned gleam as he leaned closer to Luke’s side. “Is this… Have you heard of this place?” Wedge asked curiously.

Luke shook his head. “Not at all, but I’ll definitely be doing some research. Thanks Wedge.”

Wedge didn’t seem appeased. For a moment he just stared at Luke, looking the young Jedi up and down as if debating whether or not he should pry, before seeming to give up all together. “Well, I hate to cut things so short, but there’s somewhere else I need to be.”

Luke nodded. “Yeah, I understand, but if you happen this way again feel free to come see me. I’m, uh, I’m probably going to be here for a while.”

“Doing research?” Wedge ventured and Luke had to resist the urge to touch his stomach.

He did consider Wedge a friend, but at the moment he didn’t feel comfortable revealing too much. Instead he just offered him a cryptic smile. “Let’s just say I’m working on something.”


	2. Chapter 2

“Pregnant?” Lando said the word with such a tremble in his voice that for a moment Han thought that he had caught a sudden chill. Han watched as his old friend shook his head, his usually earthy skin going pale as his mind struggled to process the strange new concept.

Han smiled in a way that was less kind than it should have been as he watched Lando stumble his way down Falcon’s ramp. He knew exactly how Lando felt, because just weeks ago it had been him trying and failing to make sense of such an outlandish idea, but now here he was three weeks in and only vaguely getting used to it all. 

There were still mornings that found him waking up feeling queasy at the prospect of impending fatherhood and others when he turned to see Luke’s rounded stomach and had to force himself to get his breathing under control, because none of it felt normal or right. 

_You should have given me more time,_ he would think each day, the thought slowly becoming less bitter and more weary whenever it came to him. _You could’ve told me sooner._

It still didn’t seem fair to have to adapt so quickly to something so permanent and less fair that Luke already seemed so accustomed to everything ahead of them. Han reasoned it made sense given that Luke had been dealing with this situation first hand for months, but even with everything that had happened behind them it was frustrating to know the kid seemed to have this all planned out and would only let Han in on bits and pieces when it was convenient.

_If_ he had things planned out.

“So he’s…?” Lando began, his question lingering incomplete as he used his hands to map the outline of an invisible stomach. Han chuckled, nodding his head in a way that somehow made Lando’s skin grow paler. “How? I mean… _how_?”

Han shrugged. “I dunno an’ neither does he,” he grumbled. “ _He says_ it’s the will of the Force, but if you ask me, it’s probably some sort of mutation.” 

Lando didn’t seem convinced by the latter theory and Han had to admit that he wasn’t either. He had witnessed first-hand too many Force related miracles in the past to still be a complete skeptic, but to fully embrace the idea felt like too much of a betrayal of his old self and so he continued to don the façade of non-believer. 

“I’m not even going to pretend to understand any of it,” Lando said at last, a lost look still lingering in his eyes even as he flashed his usual charismatic smile Han’s way. “But I guess congratulations are in order.”

Han chuckled as Lando clasped him hardily on the back, extending a friendly hand his way. He took it without hesitation, offering a firm squeeze as Chewbacca howled in approval behind them. It felt good to be around Lando again, to talk to someone normal, because Chewie had slipped too far down the baby preparation worm hole for Han’s liking and even if he was eight months pregnant Luke still felt too much like the distant, aloof Jedi he had become at the best of times. Han could only hope that having Leia and the droids around would add some much needed balance to their temporary living situation, but he had a feeling he would just go back to feeling adrift sooner rather than later.

“So… when’s the big day?” Lando asked curiously. “Is there still time for a celebratory drink?”

Again Han laughed, but this time it came out a touch strained as Lando’s innocent question touched too close to a sore spot for his liking. “Well, he’s eight months now so he’s got another couple of weeks to go,” Han explained, “but I’m not sure how much room there’ll be to grab a drink with my schedule. Watching Luke is a full time job.”

Chewie gave a few indignant barks as he nudged Han’s shoulder, reminding him that he and the Princess were just as capable of taking care of Luke on their own.

“Maybe you are,” Han huffed, “but it’s a two man operation and I’m not sure Leia’s up for the job just yet.”

Chewie shrugged his shoulders, uttering a few soft, uncertain barks as a way to concede his own uncertainty. 

Lando offered a chuckle that was both genuine and confused as he looked between them. “Come on now! I know that Luke can be a bit reckless, but you two sound like you’re talking about babysitting an over active toddler!”

“Wouldn’t be too far off,” Han grumbled only to receive another disapproving nudge from Chewie. 

“I’m sure it’s not that bad,” Lando said dismissively. “You just said he was eight months in. How much trouble could he possibly get into?”

A non-committal grunt was the only answer Han could muster, because he truly wanted to believe that it would be smooth sailing from here on and that Luke would stay grounded long enough for them to figure out just what the hell they were doing before the baby was born, but he knew better. Han felt certain that sooner or later something would pique Luke’s interest or some unfortunate would come seeking the aid of a Jedi and Luke would go running off with a head filled with too many good intentions and not enough sense towards adventure and danger. That would be well and good enough if their baby wouldn’t be forced along for the ride.

_There’s still hope for him,_ he told himself often, but never enough for Han to fully believe it. _There’s still hope for us._

Han lifted his gaze towards the other end of the port just in time to see Luke approaching from a distance, Artoo’s metal body following close at his heels. He spared a moment to give Lando’s arm a quick bump, his eyes flickering over in the Jedi’s direction for just half a second. “Here he comes,” Han muttered in a low, conspiring tone. Lando’s head began to swivel in the indicated direction, but Han was quick to catch his elbow as a means to correct him. “Don’t say anything about the baby,” he warned. “He’s… _sensitive_.” 

It wasn’t exactly the right word – “overly defensive” or “irrationally uptight” came closer – but the warning seemed to strike the right note as Lando instantly made a conscious effort to school his features as Luke approached them.

“Luke! Good to see you,” Lando called out in his usual sociable manner. 

For a moment Han wondered if Luke had caught the way Lando’s eyes were pointedly avoiding his cloak covered frame or if he were just being paranoid. Yet Luke’s grin was friendly enough to ease Han’s misgivings and he allowed himself to relax. 

“It’s good seeing you as well,” Luke said pleasantly. “Thanks for towing my X-Wing. I hope it wasn’t too much trouble.”

“Hey, no trouble at all,” Lando said dismissively, offering his shoulders a slight shrug to accentuate his point. “Han told me that the two of you would be here for a while, so I guess I’ll be seeing you around.”

“You’re stationed on Coruscant, too?”

“Something like that,” he told him. “I have some business to take care of, but it shouldn’t take me too long to wrap it up if you want to buy me a drink to show your appreciation.”

Luke’s laugh was short, yet jovial as he took a slight step closer towards Han’s side. Han draped his arm across Luke’s shoulder almost instinctively and was rewarded by Luke’s gloved hand grasping his wrist tenderly. “It’s a deal.”

“We’re staying at Leia’s penthouse, so I’m sure the digs will be to your liking,” Han said teasingly.

Lando’s brows arched pointedly and Han wasn’t sure if it was from the mention of Leia or her apartment that had piqued his interest. “Well, then I’ll definitely be sure to drop by.”

They said their goodbyes, Chewie taking a moment to retract the Falcon’s ramp as Lando turned and headed off. Han was about to ask Luke about his X-Wing, but was caught off guard when the Jedi practically shoved his arm away.

“You told him,” Luke said accusingly, the words coming out before Han could even finish asking what he had done.

Han sputtered and turned to Chewie in the hopes of some help, but the Wookie was quick to look away as Artoo gave what sounded like a condemning whistle. 

“I can’t believe you!” Luke went on indignantly, taking Han’s silence as a clear admission of guilt. “Why don’t you just broadcast it to the whole _galaxy_ while you’re at it!”

“It’s just _Lando_!” It was a lame justification, but in that moment it was the only thing Han could think to say.

Luke gave a deep huff, as he turned on his heels and marched off, Artoo following close behind him. The distinct sound of Chewie’s low gaffing reached his ears and the rumbling sounds made Han’s bewilderment evaporate in favor of defensive anger. “Laugh all you want,” Han grumbled bitterly, “but if he kicks me out tonight, _I’m_ sleeping on the couch and you’ll get the floor.”

*

Luke retreated into the guest room as soon as they returned to the penthouse under the guise of wanting to meditate, but Han suspected he was either sleeping or keeping his distance after the incident at the port. It would have been just fine with Han if it didn’t leave him feeling so out of sorts now that he had to deal with all the other occupants in the house. During their stay, Han had gotten used to it just being just the three of them inhabiting the sprawling living quarters, but now that Leia and the droids were around the apartment felt a bit more cluttered. 

Leia wasted no time in making herself at home, which she had every right to do given that it was her place, and cleared out most of the their food before demanding that Chewie throw away the rest of his soup because the smell was too overpowering for her. The Wookie did so reluctantly, but Han already knew there would be another batch in the near future. 

The droids kept to themselves mostly, although Threepio was his usual fussy self and attempted to interject into everything under the pretense of being helpful while Artoo rebuffed him with the occasional perturbed beep or whistle.

After about a good two hours of waiting impatiently for Luke to re-emerge for the backroom, Han decided to go after him. He gave the door a quick knock before touching the control switch and stepping in. Once inside the door shut quickly behind him and it was fortunate for both of them that it had, because Han hadn’t been anticipating seeing Luke standing in the middle of the room towel clad and straight out of the shower. Neither had Luke, if the wide eyed stare was any indication, and Han would have guessed that the red in his face was from the recent shower if it weren’t for the way he scrambled back into the adjacent fresher in obvious embarrassment. 

It had been a while since Han had last seen Luke properly naked, and although this glimpse had been fleeting that fact struck him all the more keenly now that he had seen the way Luke’s body had changed thanks to his condition. They had been sharing a bed for weeks, sleeping almost platonically side by side, because Luke had become particularly guarded about his appearance thanks to the pregnancy. Han hadn’t understood before, because he had thought that the change had been isolated to Luke’s stomach, but now he could see that other parts of him had gotten softer and fuller, but still no less appealing.

“I told you not to come in!” Luke’s muffled voice shouted once he was safely on the other side of the door.

Han huffed, his shock quickly evaporating at the sound of Luke’s indignant tone. “No you didn’t!” he shot back, stepping close to the door in order to ensure his voice was heard. “You said ‘come in.’”

“ _Don’t_ come in!” Luke corrected. “I said ‘ _don’t_ come in!’”

“Oh, what does it matter?” Han demanded hotly. “I’ve seen you naked enough times before.”

“It matters, because I care,” Luke said tersely. “Now turn around and close your eyes. My clothes are on the bed.”

“C’mon Luke,” Han huffed. “You’re being ridiculous.”

“Are your eyes closed?”

Han shook his head, recognizing the fact that he was in a no win situation. He took a few steps away from the fresher door and stared at a wall before shutting his eyes. “Fine. They’re closed.”

The door opened with a smooth hiss a few seconds later and Han had a feeling Luke had waited a beat or two before stepping out into the main room, no doubt scrutinizing his back to ensure that Han was keeping to his word. After a minute Luke gave him permission to turn around. When he did Han saw that Luke was now mostly dressed in his night clothes save for his bare hands and feet. His hair was still damp from the shower and his face had returned to its usual color. 

“I still say you’re being ridiculous,” Han grumbled as he sat down on the bed, watching Luke shake the remaining water from his hair with the edge of his towel. 

“And I think you need to learn how to listen,” Luke shot back. He sighed and put the towel aside, his strands still darkened with moisture, but likely as dry as they would get on their own. “What was so important that you needed to barge in on me?”

Han was tempted to respond in kind, but quickly reminded himself that he hadn’t come to argue. Instead he sighed and ran a hand through his own hair before resting his palm on the base of his neck. “I wanted to talk about the Lando situation.”

“You came to apologize?” Luke retorted and this time Han did roll his eyes.

“No, I’m not apologizing for your over reaction,” he said. “But I do wanna talk about why it upset you so much. What does it matter if Lando knows we’re having a baby?”

“ _Lando_ knowing isn’t the issue,” Luke corrected wearily as he came to join Han on the opposite end of the mattress. “The issue is that you told him without discussing it with me first.”

“But why does it matter? Sooner or later people are gonna find out. Besides, you’re eight months pregnant. It’s pretty obvious just from looking at you.”

A touch of pink flashed across Luke’s face, but he took care to cover it up by turning his gaze away from Han and towards the city scape just beyond the bedroom window. “So this morning I was too thin and now I’m an asteroid.”

Han threw his hands up in exasperation at the comment. “That’s not what I’m saying!” 

“I know it’s not,” Luke returned almost instantly, much to Han’s surprise, and when the Jedi looked back at him Han could see that the blush had left his cheeks. “Han, put yourself in my shoes. If you were in this situation, would you be announcing it to everyone you met? Would you be okay with other people talking about it behind your back?”

He was quiet for a moment as Luke stared with his practice calm, neutral gaze and Han had to admit he felt properly chastised. “No, I guess I wouldn’t,” he admitted. “But what are we gonna tell people when the baby’s born?”

The calm, neutral gaze faltered as Luke’s eyes drifted down towards the comforter. Guilt and confusion was etched all over him and seeing it didn’t make Han feel any better. If anything it confirmed a lot of his fears that, despite how in control Luke seemed, he was just going through the motions with this situation. Han sighed and shifted closer, reaching out a hand to touch Luke’s fingers. Looking at them now, bare and completely exposed, it was clear to see that his left hand had started to bloat while his synthetic skin remained its usual size and suddenly Han understood why Luke kept them covered all the time.

“I know it’s not easy to talk about,” Han said, doing his best to sound composed instead of confrontational or tired, “but we need to start thinking about the future. She’ll be here in a couple of weeks. We need some sort of plan.”

“I know, but…” There was something Luke wanted to say, an admission he was tempted to offer, but instead he held back and gave his head a slight shake. “There’s so much I don’t know about this,” he told him instead, touching his left hand to the swell of his stomach as a way to clarify his meaning, “and I feel like finding out would make it easier.”

“Figuring out how we got here isn’t gonna change anything,” Han stressed as he offered Luke’s artificial fingers a pointed squeeze. “The baby’s comin’ either which way and… what are we gonna tell people when they ask who she belongs to? What are we gonna tell _her_ when she asks about her mom?”

The pained expression that flickered over Luke’s face was brief, but to Han it seemed to pierce his own skin and suddenly he regretted not taking more care to choose his words. He should have known better, because Luke still felt his own kind of guilt at never knowing his own mother and now Han had to go and remind the Jedi that he was bringing a motherless child into existence. “Look kid, I… I didn’t mean anything…”

“I know,” he said softly, his hand still lingering at the base of his stomach. “It’s not that I don’t think about this. It’s just… hard. For so long I was thinking that things were going to go one way and now it’s like I’ve been completely turned around.”

Han nodded, because he understood all too well what Luke meant. Just a month ago he had been frustrated and bitter, but stable. He knew what the next day would be like and the day after, then Luke showed up out of the blue and told him there was a baby in his future and suddenly everything was different. It wasn’t the sort of change he had wanted or expected, but it was here now and Han knew first hand that the only way to survive anything was to adapt. Yet Luke was leaving him stranded, offering him nothing except more directionless confusion instead of something solid to hold onto. 

He sighed and gave Luke’s hand a brush with the pad of his thumb. “Look,” Han began evenly, looking Luke in the eyes to let him know he was being completely sincere, “I know it goes against your code and all, but I still think getting married will make things a lot easier.”

Just as Han had expected Luke bristled at the mere mention of marriage and Han did his best to fight down the swell of frustration until it was flat beneath his heels. “Hear me out kid,” Han continued. “We get married now and then when she’s born she’ll be ours legally, yours an’ mine. There’ll be no issues about where she’ll end up if somethin’ happens to one of us.”

Understanding settled on Luke’s features, but Han could still detect the overwhelming reluctance as he sorted through his own thoughts. “Then if something happens to both of us…”

“Well, that’ll be a bit more complicated, but we can work something out so that she’ll go to Chewie.”

The look Luke pinned him with was dull and flat and Han felt Luke’s fingers twitch as if to pull away, but he held them in place. “Chewie?” Luke repeated incredulously. “Not Leia?”

Han scoffed at the idea. “Oh please. You think her royal highness is gonna put her career on hold to raise a baby?”

“Han, she’s my sister.”

“Not legally,” he pointed out. 

By now Han knew most of the story about the history between the twins, although there were gaps that hadn’t been filled out either because Leia didn’t know or Luke was reluctant to share or some combination of the above. It was still confusing as all hell to suddenly discover that his two friends, who had been complete strangers just years ago, were actually a set of twins separated at birth, but ever since he had met Luke Han discovered that everything had a way of getting needlessly complicated.

“What’s with you and all this legal stuff?”

“Hey, it matters when kids are involved!” Han said defensively. “Besides, I never know how you two operate with this whole sibling thing. Most days you act like you’re just good friends then the winds change an’ suddenly you’re family.”

“We _are_ family,” Luke corrected quickly, but just as quickly sighed and shook his head. “Let’s just table this conversation for now.”

Luke made to stand, but Han was quick to stop him, grasping his arm just tight enough to make his point. “No,” Han said firmly. “No we’re not putting this off. We’ve been puttin’ stuff off for too long.”

“Han.”

“Look, I don’t wanna wait an’ have this conversation when we’re in the delivery room.” With a reluctant sigh Han released Luke from his grasp, using his now free hand to rub at his own leg in order to give his fingers something to do. “Just tell me one thing straight kid: why are you so against the idea of marrying me?”

Han had seen Luke’s eyes take on that wide, searching gaze before. It always meant that there was something he didn’t want to say either because it was too complicated or too painful and Han braced himself for the inevitable truth. “I don’t,” Luke began, but seemed to just as quickly lose his nerve, ducking his head before reluctantly sliding off the bed and stepping away from Han. “I don’t want to be an obligation.”

“What d’you…?”

“I told you I was pregnant and that’s what made you want to marry me,” Luke explained at last. He wasn’t meeting Han’s gaze, but his hands were clenching themselves together nervously and Han wondered if he was beginning to feel self-conscious about the way his fingers no longer matched up. “I know that this changes things, that this baby makes a difference, but we were never like that before. _You_ were never like that before.”

Suddenly Han didn’t feel right just sitting, felt too small and uneven beneath the weight of Luke’s words. He stood and stepped towards Luke, his fingers reaching out, but stopping mid-grasp, because somehow that didn’t feel right either. “Like what?” Han asked. He hadn’t meant for there to be an edge in his voice, but it found a way in there. “What wasn’t I like?”

“The commitment type,” Luke clarified as he shifted away from Han again and over to the bedside table. He pulled the top draw open and grabbed a pair of black gloves. “That wasn’t what we were doing. We were friends and we were together, but there was no ‘forever’ to it.”

Han frowned as he watched Luke’s left hand disappear into the shiny material of his glove, the fingers already looking slimmer now that they were fully concealed. “You said you were in love with me.” The statement came out a bit more childish and confrontational that he had intended, but Han allowed it to sit there as he waited for Luke to respond.

Luke’s right hand was half way into the other glove when he turned to Han, that same uncertain look still flashing in his eyes. Han had become so accustomed to seeing Luke’s mouth pressed into a flat line that the downward curve of his lips almost threw him off. “I did,” Luke admitted, “but you never said you loved me.”

The remark felt like cold water trickling down his back. Gazing into Luke’s eyes, Han suddenly understood why he had been keeping him at arm’s length all this time despite his previous declarations. Luke had put himself out there, had come begging for Han’s forgiveness and was currently holding a physical representation of their past relationship beneath his skin and as far as Luke was concerned Han hadn’t been made quite so vulnerable, hadn’t even put into words his own feelings, which likely left Luke feeling cheated and exposed. 

It was understandable, but at the same time Han didn’t think it was a completely fair view either given that everything had been sprung on him so suddenly. In some ways Luke was right, commitment hadn’t been something Han had desired before, but that was years ago and time and experience had changed him, shifting his wants and needs. Han would have thought that his actions would have been enough to show that, but Luke wanted things put into words. And why? For the sake of fairness? So he could better label what they had and then do nothing with it?

“Why do you need me to say it?” Han asked, his words perhaps overly defensive to the point of being suspicious. “You’re a Jedi. You can feel these things, can’t you?”

The look of detached serenity had found its way back onto Luke’s features and even as the Jedi hung his head and gave a heavy sigh Han knew that he had lost him. “Look, it’s getting late and I’m too tired to argue,” Luke told him. It was clear that there was more the Jedi wanted to say, but Han wasn’t in the mood to hear it.

“Fine,” Han huffed. Reaching across the mattress he grabbed a few of the pillows from his side of the bed and stuffed them under his arms before turning to march towards the door. “You stay here an’ ‘meditate’ or whatever. I’ll give you your space.”


	3. Chapter 3

Seeing Han asleep on the sofa was no surprise to Leia when she entered the living room that morning. She hadn’t heard any of it, but she knew that he and Luke had gotten into some sort of fight the night before when Han had stormed out of the guest room with a sour look on his face while carrying pillows and blankets under his arms. Leia could only guess what had been the cause of their argument, because Han was being stubbornly tight lipped and Luke never emerged from the bedroom. Whatever it was, Leia was certain that it had everything to do with the baby, since that was a topic that seemed to be permanently at the forefront of everyone’s minds, even the droids and while Luke may not find that amusing, Leia certainly did.

Being mindful to step lightly, Leia made her away into the kitchen to brew herself some caf. It felt strange being conscious of her volume in her own apartment, but the three weeks Luke, Han, and Chewie had spent in the penthouse had easily surpassed the amount of time Leia had used to sleep in her own bed since she had purchased the flat. The Empire may have been abolished years ago, but everything was still too chaotic and eventful for Leia to ever take a moment to properly stop and plant her feet in one spot for more than a moment. She had purchased the penthouse under the naïve illusion that there would be time to find somewhere to call home and escape from the chaos of her work life, but that had never come to shape beyond the sparse bit of decorating she had managed to get done through hiring someone else to do it for her. At least loaning it out to Luke these last few weeks had given some justification to the penthouse’s purchase, although once they were gone it would just go back to being a rarely used, expensive drain on her bank account.

Her mug had just begun to fill when the sound of another door sliding open caught her ear. Leia turned to look at the entryway just in time to see Luke step into the kitchen. He was already out of his night clothes and dressed for the day and Leia realized that she was foolish to think she would have been able to wake up before Luke. He was an earlier riser by nature and no matter what planet or moon they stayed it, Luke was always one of the first to be up and about.

“I’m glad to see you’re in the kitchen first,” Luke said, speaking in a careful whisper. The kitchen was fairly removed from the living room where Han and Chewie were still sleeping, but neither of them wanted to take the risk of having their voices carry and wake the others. “I thought I was going to have to deal with another batch of Chewbacca’s soup.”

Leia allowed herself to visibly cringe at the memory of the smell that had taken all day to leave her apartment and was rewarded with a soft chortle from Luke. “Don’t worry, I’ve already ordered us some breakfast. It should be here within the hour.”

“You’re a lifesaver,” Luke grinned.

Leia smiled as she gave her mug a few steady blows before taking a careful sip from her caf. She could see the way Luke was eyeing her drink, no doubt longing for a cup of his own, but it would be another month before he would be allowed to have any caffeine again. “How did you sleep?” 

Luke shrugged and rested his hip against the counter opposite Leia. “Relatively fine,” he said. “I had to get up twice to pee. Sometimes I feel more like an old man than anything else.”

Leia gave a sympathetic nod although she didn’t really know what Luke was going through. It was still hard to look at him and not feel a tightness in her chest at the sight of the full, round belly protruding from the folds of his tunic. Leia had a feeling that she would feel easier if Luke were happy about his condition, but she knew even without asking that he still wasn’t there. 

“Should I bother to ask why you kicked Han out?” Leia asked between sips from her caf. “Or should I just go with my gut and assume you won’t tell me?”

The expression Luke made was difficult to read, but Leia decided to take it as a promising sign that he was actually considering giving her a proper answer. “I didn’t kick him out,” he clarified. “ _He_ chose to sleep on the couch.”

“Well, fortunately for him it’s pretty comfortable.”

Their conversation was put on hold when their delivery arrived and even if Luke would never admit it, Leia knew that he was hungry enough to have lost focus at the prospect of breakfast.

Leia brewed a larger batch of caf for the others as Luke made himself a plate and tucked in. Surprisingly neither Han nor Chewie woke even after they began to eat, but Leia suspected that it wouldn’t be much longer before the two of them were interrupted.

“Tell me Luke,” Leia said, barreling into the topic she had been tip toeing towards while there was still a chance to ask, “when is your next medical check?”

Luke gave a thoughtful him, taking a moment to give the food in his mouth a few more chews before swallowing. “Today, actually,” he told her.

Leia stayed quiet for a moment as she thought over her own schedule, making certain that everything would be in order before carrying on with her plan. “Would you mind if I tagged along?”

“I don’t see why not,” Luke answered and Leia was embarrassed to admit she was started by how easily his answer came. She had thought for certain he would try to think of a reason to decline or even question her methods, but from his neutral gaze Luke seemed to think nothing of it. Of course, Leia knew that wasn’t quite right, but at least he had accepted and that was all she needed to hear. “Do you mind if I ask you for a favor?”

It was almost frustrating how quickly the frown came to Leia’s face at the question, because something inside told her she wouldn’t really like whatever Luke was thinking. Yet she remained silent and only gave an encouraging nod as she waited for Luke to continue.

“Do you mind if I borrowed Threepio and Artoo? I was planning to go into the city to visit the archives.”

The request was simple enough on the surface, but Leia knew from experience that whenever Luke researched something it usually lead to him getting caught up in Jedi related business that would inevitably lead him to searching out answers to riddles he often gave himself. The urge to decline was tempting, but there would be no valid reason to do so, especially when she had just requested something from her twin, and Leia had a feeling that Luke had known that before he had bothered to ask. 

“You know as well as I do that Artoo is always willing to spend time with you,” Leia answered. Even as she spoke she struggled to come up with some sort of reasonable excuse, but nothing managed to come to mind. “And I’m sure spending the day in a library would suit Threepio just fine.”

Luke offered her a distant smile, the kind that was almost too Jedi like to be considered sincere, and uttered a quick “Thank you” before standing to clear his side of the table. 

The thought of questioning him about what his intentions with the droids were did cross her mind, but Leia found herself interrupted before she could even begin to ask when Han appeared in doorway. Luke didn’t bristle or glower at Han’s appearance, and instead chose to regard him almost indifferently by offering him a mug of freshly poured caf. 

“Leia will be joining us at the appointment today,” Luke informed him. His voice was flat and completely even and Leia already knew that would get under Han’s skin more than anything else. “We should probably leave in about an hour.”

The gears still seemed to be turning in Han’s brain as he accepted the offered mug and processed Luke’s words. He didn’t even have time to take his first sip before Luke made his exit, no doubt disappearing back into the spare bedroom.

“So Luke asked you to go with him?” Han asked as he pulled out a chair and sat down beside her. Leia could tell by the skeptical note of his words that Han didn’t quite believe it to be so and likely his doubt was confirmed when Leia gave her head a shake.

“No, I invited myself actually,” she confessed. “And to be frank, I was hoping that it could be just the two of us, if that’s alright.”

By then Han had drained about half of his cup and the sleep haggard expression was starting to dissipate bit by bit. “Its fine with me,” he relented. “Maybe you’ll be able to talk some sense into him while you’re at it.”

Again Leia shook her head, leaning back in her chair to emphasize her purposeful distance. “Don’t look at me. Whatever fight the two of you are having I’m staying out of.”

“We’re not havin’ a fight,” Han said grumpily. “He’s just bein’ stubborn, as usual. He doesn’t want to make any plans about the baby, even though she’s going to be born any day now!”

“I wouldn’t say it’s quite that close,” Leia put in. “Although that is a bit troubling. What exactly is he avoiding?”

“Everything!” Han huffed. “Doesn’t wanna talk about where to live, what to do… for all I know he plans to just have the kid and carry on like nothing’s changed!”

A disapproving frown fell on her features as she considered Han’s words. It didn’t seem like Luke to avoid things, he always faced his issues head on, but even if Han had a tendency to exaggerate she could tell from his passionate air that he was being honest. Leia hummed and drummed her fingers against the rim of her mug. She had finished her second cup some time ago and was fighting the urge to grab a third. Luke said they should leave in the next hour and Leia still had a few calls to make in order to ensure her schedule was completely cleared so she could actually join him for the appointment. Not that she would miss it even if the timing didn’t work out.

“Well, I’ll definitely speak to him,” she relented, “but I’m not sure how much good it’ll do. I think Luke has something on his mind that’s keeping him pre-occupied.”

Han frowned, his attention sharply drawn in. “Why? What’d he tell you?”

“Nothing really,” she admitted. “He just asked to borrow the droids.”

“That’s no big deal,” Han grumbled, standing and collecting their mugs in order to refill them. “What did he say he needs them for?”

Leia leaned back in her seat and crossed her arms. “He wants to go down to the library and look at some things in the archive.”

Han’s expression grew deep and severe even as he kept one eye on the pot as he poured the brew into his mug before moving on to Leia’s. “And you said that’d be okay? You know just as well as I do once Luke starts pokin’ around in things it’s only a matter of time before he gets the idea to fly off half-cocked on some crazy adventure.”

“I know,” she sighed. “I’m just… I’m hoping it’ll be different now that he’s pregnant. I mean, he’s been here this whole time, hasn’t he?”

Han huffed, handing Leia her mug before sitting down again. “Yeah, only because Chewie and I have been keepin’ an eye on him.”

She shrugged, wrapping her hands around the smooth surface of her mug and debating about taking a sip. Talking about Luke as if he were a disobedient child didn’t sit well with her, but Leia would be lying if she said she wasn’t worried about him. This whole situation was so strange and Luke’s caviler attitude wasn’t making her feel any better. “He… Luke should be allowed to make his own decisions,” she relented. “And we just have to trust that he’ll make the right ones.”

Han said nothing, choosing instead to focus his attention on assembling a plate. She could tell that there was still plenty of doubt swirling through his mind. Since he had been the one spending the last few weeks cooped up with him, Han had a better idea of just how anxious for adventure and freedom Luke truly was and from the deep frown Leia could tell he had plenty of doubts.

“Well, at least while I’m away you can do me the favor of making sure Chewie doesn’t do any more cooking,” Leia noted wryly. 

The comment actually managed to pry a genuine grin from Han. “Way ahead of you,” he said, mumbling the words into the rim of his mug. “I had Goldenrod hide the pots and pans last night.”

*

The view from the holo-screen was clearer than Leia had expected. Somehow she had anticipated the image would be nothing more than a tiny outline of a blue blob, but the projection was clear enough for her to see every detail of the life growing inside of Luke. The fetus, or rather the baby, seemed to be compressed and curled into a tight ball, newly developed hands clasped firmly together beneath the tip of her chin as little legs twisted and tucked themselves together under her body. Every now and again she would flinch, hands or feet shifting gently, but otherwise she remained still and Leia suspected that she had fallen asleep. 

The baby didn’t really look like Luke or Han, her features too small and cherub like to really pose a striking resemblance to anyone, but then suddenly the little hands beneath her head shifted too far and what looked like a frown settled upon her features and Leia was struck by what appeared to be Han’s typical displeased frown. The laugh spilled from her lips at the sight, interrupting the relative quiet of the exam room. 

Luke’s eyes flickered up to meet her. He had been laying on the medical bench in thoughtful silence, but a smile slipped onto his features once their eyes met. Leia had been worried at first when she had informed Luke that it would be only the two of them during his exam, but he didn’t seem to mind at all and while his neutral attitude remaining firmly in place caught her off guard she was glad to be there to get a better perspective on what was going on.

Seeing the baby this way made things stranger, yet easier to grasp. She had felt the baby’s presence through the Force before, but her skills in that regard were still weak and untrained so Leia had kept herself from probing any further since the initial contact. Being able to look at the growing life with her own eyes made it easier to grasp that it was real and there. More importantly it gave her the added assurance that Luke was actually okay, physically at least.

“So that’s really her,” Leia mused, her voice cutting through the steady heartbeat being projected to them. It was fast and fluttery to her ears, but the med-droid hadn’t remarked upon it so Leia assumed it was perfectly healthy.

Luke’s grin grew a touch fonder as he ducked his head and looked back towards his exposed stomach and the patch of skin where the probe was currently being pressed. “Yeah, that’s her alright.”

“Doesn’t it feel strange though?” she asked cautiously. “I mean…”

There were so many ways Leia could have finished her thought, but all of them came back to how impossible this situation should have been. By all rights their roles should have been reversed and she would be the one heavy with new life and getting examined while Luke fretted over her, but that simply wasn’t the path that they were being made to follow. 

“Well, it’s not something I’ll ever get used to,” Luke admitted. There was a note of something in his words, but Luke seemed to back off whatever direction his thoughts had been heading by turning towards the med-droid. “How’s she doing?”

The droids eyes flashed as he processed Luke’s question. “The infant’s vital signs all appear to be well, sir,” the droid responded. “Vital organs are developed and functioning efficiently, although her weight is of some concern. I measure the infant to be within the thirtieth percentile.”

This time Luke let out a strangled laugh as he tiled his head back and threw his arm over his eyes. “Do me a favor?” he muttered to Leia. “Don’t tell Han.”

The exam didn’t last much longer, although Luke hung back for a moment to ask the med-droid a few questions and Leia couldn’t help feeling a bit of concerned as to what that could possibly mean. The thought that Luke’s private chat in some way tied back to his earlier request to borrow the droids had entered her mind, but Leia forced herself to push it away. She had been the one, after all, to defend Luke’s right to make his own decisions that same morning and to go back on her words so soon would be more than hypocritical.

“Let me take you to lunch,” Leia said more than asked once they were out in the warm air of the early afternoon.

For a moment Luke stared at her as if caught off guard, but Leia just brushed it off by hooking her left arm around his right. Leia didn’t usually behave in such a familiar way towards Luke out in public for fear of attracting attention. They had become well-known figures and since their relationship to each other still wasn’t widely known, it would be easier for rumors to spread if they were spotted by the wrong people. 

Yet the momentary shock of the gesture only lingered briefly and Luke soon recovered himself. “You don’t need to do that,” Luke said at last. “I’ve put you out enough as it is.”

“Buying you something to eat is hardly a burden,” she said lightly. “And besides I invited myself along today. Consider this my way of thanking you.”

“There’s nothing to thank me for,” he insisted and Leia couldn’t help thinking that he was putting up more of a fight than was necessary. Yet his protests seemed to die away when a small rumble erupted from his stomach. “But if you’re insisting…”

Coruscant was rich with dining options, high end restaurants that charged more for a single glass of water than any sane being would be willing to pay or small family owned establishments that served specialty cuisines usually found on far off worlds, but Leia decided that somewhere casual would suit them just fine. They walked over to a restaurant just a few blocks away from the medical center. The lunch rush hadn’t started yet, which meant that they were able to be seated immediately upon entering. The two took a table at the rear of the restaurant, which thanks to the limited crowd was even more secluded than usual and more than perfect for two people hiding in plain sight.

When the server droid came to their table and took their orders, Leia did her best not to comment on Luke’s choice to have only a light soup and a glass of water. Luke had never been good at keeping track of his own diet, often skipping meals when his mind was otherwise occupied with other issues and while that was bothersome enough normally, given his current circumstances it posed more of a problem. Yet Leia remembered the embarrassed, frustrated groan Luke had uttered when the medical droid reminded him he wasn’t eating enough and wondered if Luke was intentionally holding back.

The food arrived sooner than Leia had anticipated and in no time at all she found herself chatting easily with Luke as if their day hadn’t started off in such an unusual manner. Yet after a while Leia realized they needed to redirect their conversation in a more purposeful direction and ordered a cup of caf as an excuse to stay longer. It would be her third cup of the day and any more would likely send her head buzzing.

“So how has Coruscant been treating you?” she asked conversationally as she took a careful sip of her drink. 

“Fine I suppose,” Luke shrugged distantly, tapping the side of his spoon against the rim of the empty bowl. “Although I’m not sure how much of an opinion I can form since I haven’t really had the chance to explore.”

“Han and Chewie really have you under lock and key then.”

Luke allowed a look of displeasure to slip through his otherwise neutral demeanor as he gave his head a slight shake. “Han’s worried,” Luke said lowly. They were still relatively secluded, but Leia couldn’t fault him for being cautious. Han was just as widely known as they were, but the relationship between he and Luke wasn’t exactly public knowledge. Again Leia couldn’t blame Luke for wanting maintain some semblance of privacy, his shift from being no one to the center of the galaxy’s attention had been sudden enough as it was without broadcasting his romantic life across the stars. “And I suppose if our roles were reversed I’d be worried too, but… Sometimes I feel exhausted by more than just my condition.”

Leia nodded, putting aside her mug in order to grasp her fingers, wringing them together beneath the table. “I, uh, I guess I understand both points of view,” she told him. “You’re not a child, but… you weren’t exactly built to do this. I’m sure Han just has a lot of questions and none of us can really offer any proper answers.” 

The nod Luke gave in response was distant at best as he shifted against padding of his chair. There wasn’t exactly much back support to be found in their seats and Leia wondered if Luke was feeling uncomfortable. “I suppose you’re right,” he reasoned. “I wish that I could tell him more about how this happened and why, but I’m just as lost as anyone.” 

It was odd that Luke’s words managed to place a sort of relief into Leia’s heart, because if that was the topic Luke was planning to research with the droids then it wouldn’t be such a danger after all. Yet at the same time she knew that it would be easy for Luke’s good intentions to take him somewhere dangerous.

Leia frowned and took a moment to chew worriedly on her lower lip. There was no neat or easy way to start what she had to say and so she chose to just dive right in. “I’ve also been meaning to talk to you about something.” Leia shifted herself closer to him and consciously dropped her voice even lower. “It’s about our mother.”

The comment certainly piqued Luke’s interest and she could see by the way his eyes widened that she had his full attention. Leia had known early on in her life that she had been adopted, it was something her parents had decided not to keep from her, but the idea of finding her biological family had always been a distant thought. Before it had seemed painful, almost insulting to want to seek out her blood parents when the mother and father that had raised her were still there, loving and supportive at every step, but after the loss of Alderaan it had somehow felt like even more of a betrayal to the memories of the two people who had cared for and raised her since infancy. 

Then Luke had revealed their connection and everything had changed. Coming to terms with who Vader was to her still wasn’t easy even years after his death, but ever since that night on Endor when her world had shifted Leia felt the sudden _need_ to know where the other half of her had come from, to have something other than just the feelings and faint memories she still held onto. 

Leia only realized that her gaze had been fixed on the small ripples along the surface of her caf when her ears caught the sound of Luke shifting in his chair again. She lifted her eyes towards him and saw quiet expectation in his gaze and realized she had left him lingering for too long. “I’ve been doing a bit of research on her lately and found of a few things,” Leia went on at last. “I learned that she was a senator in the Old Republic.”

“A senator?” Luke echoed.

She nodded. “Padme Amidala of Naboo. Have you heard of her?” Luke shook his head and Leia wasn’t surprised. From what Luke had told her the education he had received on Tatooine had been very limited and Leia doubted that galactic politics played a factor in any of his childhood lessons. “She was fairly well known on her home world. One of the youngest Queens to be elected.” Hesitation stole her next words, tightening her throat and making it difficult to speak. Leia took a moment to grasp her own fingers, the lingering warmth from the caf already gone from her skin, as she contemplated just how to phrase what she had to say. “She… died under mysterious circumstances. She was still very young and all medical records had shown her to be in good health, but… for some reason the medical droids were unable to revive her.”

Luke said nothing as Leia spoke, his face remaining tight and impassive as he absorbed everything she had told him. She imagined that Luke felt much the same way she had upon first hearing these facts about the woman who had been their mother. There was a strange sensation that came from listening to second hand information about a person who was responsible for your very existence, especially when that person was long dead and gone. No doubt an image of their mother was beginning to take shape in Luke’s mind and Leia suddenly regretted that she hadn’t brought a picture of some kind to show him.

“What was she like?” Luke asked at last, but just as suddenly seemed to reconsider. Open eagerness had slipped into his voice and Leia could tell that Luke was consciously trying to reign in his emotions, not simply to maintain his Jedi composure, but to avoid drawing unwanted attention their way. “That is… what else were you able to learn out about her?” 

A sad smile touched her lips at the question. Leia was somewhat ashamed to admit she hadn’t intended to discuss the details of their mother’s life with Luke, because it was the circumstances around her death that felt more important. Yet she couldn’t fault her twin from wanting to know about the sort of life their mother had lead. Luke had always been insistent about the good lurking inside of Vader, but Leia imagined that hearing that their mother was a noble person would likely put him even more at ease with the sort of person he was or could become.

“She was very brave and kind, well loved by her people… My father, Bail Organa that is, was a friend of hers as well. He spoke very highly of her to me, but… He never…”

Luke reached forward to grasp Leia’s hand, but instead she withdrew from his touch. Coming to terms with the secrets her adoptive father kept was difficult even if she understood the reasons behind them. Leia had never grown up living in a world of black and white, but still as she grew older the ever growing shades of gray in her reality seemed overwhelming at times. 

“She died around the time the Emperor rose to power,” Leia went on. “In life she had kept close ties to the Jedi and for a time after her passing some suspected that could have played a role in her death, but … somehow, nothing ever really came of the suspicion beyond rumor.”

Leia felt her resolve swiftly crumble as she lifted her eyes towards Luke. His expression hadn’t changed, but his blue eyes had grown red rimmed and glassy with unshed tears. “Oh, Luke I’m sorry,” she said quickly. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

This time Leia reached towards him, but Luke leaned back and away, more stunned by her words than seemingly offended. He raised a gloved hand to his cheek as if checking for tears, but finding none turned his attention to rubbing the unshed traces of them from his eyes. Leia suddenly recalled the last time she had seen Luke cry. It was after the events of Cloud City, but those tears had been brought on from pain and frustration and a sense of regret that Leia wouldn’t understand until months later. This however was completely different and Leia could see right away that Luke was embarrassed to have displayed such emotions even if it was only in front of her. 

“Its fine,” Luke said, taking a moment to bow his head self-consciously in case his eyes still hadn’t gotten themselves under control. “I’m not upset, just…I guess I wasn’t prepared to hear any of this today.”

“We can talk about it later,” she offered, but Luke instantly began to shake his head in disagreement. 

“No. No I want to talk about it.”

Luke raised his eyes to meet her gaze and even though the redness was already gone, Leia could still see too much hurt and loss in his vision. It was a small reminder not only of how much she was pushing on him, but how Luke’s condition had changed him. She had a feeling that her brother would never admit it, but he had clearly grown a touch hormonal and if she were to go on there was a chance her words would impact him and the baby in ways she hadn’t intended. 

_Another time,_ she told herself. _Another time._ “I… I don’t know why I even brought it up,” she told him instead, deciding to change tactics. “I suppose with everything that’s happening…”

Understanding seemed to settle upon Luke, resigned with the knowledge that he wouldn’t be getting any more information for now. He leaned back in his seat and lowered his hands until they disappeared below the table, but Leia imagined that he was resting them on either side of his stomach. “Han and I were talking last night,” he began thoughtfully. “The conversation didn’t go quite how he wanted, but it did get me thinking about some things. Our lives are still very chaotic and I have to assume they always will be, but if something happened to us and the baby wasn’t taken care of I would never forgive myself.” Luke shifted in his seat and this time when he reached for her Leia accepted his hand. “Leia, I know that you have a lot going on in your own life, but... if something ever happened to me, I would rest easier knowing that the baby had someone strong like you to look after her.”

Leia looked to her twin in stunned silence, scanning his face carefully as a small shudder rippled across her body. “Luke,” she practically gasped, her chest feeling a bit tight as if all the air had been pushed out only to be left constricted. “I… I don’t know what to say. I’m truly honored that you’d trust me with your child.”

“Of course I would and I’m sure if the situation were reversed you’d have the same trust in me.”

She laughed knowing in her heart that he was completely right. “Of course,” she grinned. “Of course I’ll look after her.”


	4. Chapter 4

The touch of the metal hand to his shoulder was pointed yet cautiously light, but Luke found himself jerking in surprise at the sensation anyway. He blinked several times and willed his eyes to focus on his surroundings as his senses scrambled to shift back in tune to the waking world. Somehow he had managed to nod off in the private study room he had rented in the archive, his cheek resting in his left hand while a mass of files and datapads littered the table in front of him. To his left Artoo sat beeping softly, no longer projecting the star chart that Luke had given him, while Threepio stood on his right side sheepish and a touch regretful. Luke rubbed his eyes before turning to give Threepio his full attention.

“Forgive me Master Luke,” the droid said quickly, his voice a bit more hesitant than usual, “but I’m afraid it is quite late. I’m sure that General Solo and the Princess will be wondering what’s taken us so long.”

Luke stretched as best as he could manage while still remaining seated. His left hand had grown numb from the awkward position that he had been resting in and Luke had to flex his fingers a few times in order to get the feeling to return to them. Checking his chrono he saw that it was nearly time for the archives to close which meant that they had spent most of the day locked away doing research only to come up empty handed.

Ahch-To was proving to be a harder riddle to solve than Luke had anticipated. The file Chirrut had given Wedge had amounted to little more than a star chart mapping out the planet’s location and nothing else. The only information that Luke had actually managed to uncover about the planet he had gained from his research in the archives, but even that was less than helpful. Coruscant’s main library was amassed with a wealth of information, but the files on the Jedi were limited, no doubt thanks to the purge back during the early days of the Empire. He had discovered that Ahch-To was home to an old Jedi Temple, possibly the very first, but some of the files he had gathered seemed to have conflicting information regarding the validity of that claim.

Luke groaned and placed his head back in his hands, rubbing the lingering sleep from his eyes. Something about the planet called to him, something more than just the mystery surrounding it. He needed to go there of that he was certain. There was something on the distant world that he needed to see and Luke had a feeling it was more than just a relic or the crumbling remains of an abandoned temple. Yet traveling to Ahch-To from Coruscant would be a long journey and Luke knew instantly that his friends would be less than thrilled if he were to approach them with the idea of exploring a lost Jedi home world out in the far reaches of space.

He made to stand and gather up the files, all reference materials that, frustratingly, could not be removed from the archives, but Threepio was quick to halt him, insisting that he would do the task himself. With a heavy sigh, Luke sat back and reluctantly allowed the protocol droid to return the files to their proper place on his behalf. Despite what Han and the others might think of his size, Luke had started to feel quite large and lumbering lately and even minor tasks were beginning to feel strenuous.

 _Just another strike against going to Ahch-To,_ he thought remorsefully as he leaned back against the stiff seat and placed his hands on either side of his stomach. 

Even beneath the layers of his tunic his skin felt warm, yet frustratingly dry. Spidery stretch marks had grown along the base of his stomach and Luke knew there was a good chance that even when all this was over they would never disappear. A part of Luke was starting to daydream about returning to the seclusion of his guest room in order to peel off his layers, while his swollen feet lamented the thought of the long trek back to the penthouse. He wasn’t certain what sort of environment Ahch-To held, but he was fairly confident it would not be accommodating for someone well into their third trimester.

Information on his condition was even harder to find than Ahch-To and Luke couldn’t say he was really surprised. Jedi of the past were forbidden from having relationships or families, so it would be doubtful that manipulating the Force to create life would be a practice encouraged by them. Yet that didn’t help to put his mind at much ease and a part of Luke began to worry that he may have, somehow unconsciously, tapped into some trick that those on the dark side had once used.

A small shudder ran through him at the thought even as the baby began to shift calmly beneath his skin. Ever since discovering her existence, Luke had never felt any trace of darkness in her, only light, but that knowledge didn’t help to sooth away the ever growing worry inside of him. Since learning that Vader was his father a part of Luke had begun to wonder if there was some trace of darkness in him waiting to come out. If he had tapped into this power, even unconsciously and even for something as benign as creating a new life with someone he cared deeply for…

Artoo gave a concerned whistle, the sound dragging Luke sharply out of his turbulent thoughts. Luke forced himself to smile as Artoo’s dome swiveled about curiously. 

“No, Artoo. I don’t need help standing up,” he chuckled amused by the astromech’s concern. “I was just thinking about some things.” 

Artoo’s beeping turned lower, more chastising and this time Luke found himself feeling far less amused. Artoo was the only one who knew about Ahch-To. The droid had been there when Wedge had given Luke the file making concealing the information from him absolutely impossible. He was fortunate that the small droid was so adapt at keeping secrets, but even Artoo seemed to have his concerns about Luke heading off on some adventure in his condition. 

Luke sighed, thankful that Threepio seemed to be taking his time returning the files to their proper section of the archive, because the last thing he needed was for both droids to lecture him about staying put on Coruscant. “I told you Artoo, I won’t be traveling to Ahch-To until after the baby’s been born,” he said wearily. “Although the med-droid already cleared me for travel if necessary.”

That answer didn’t seem to satisfy Artoo and Luke got the distinct feeling that the droid thought he was lying. Clearly his past behaviors had left the droid with his own share of doubts when it came to Luke’s ability to stay in one place.

Luke groaned and rubbed at his eyes, wondering if there was a person in his life he hadn’t disappointed. He was tired, his eyes strained from hours of reading and his stomach was starting to feel pointedly empty. He longed for a shower and a hot meal, but wasn’t looking forward to any of Chewbacca’s well intended fussing or the unease that had suddenly developed in Leia whenever they were together or Han’s stubborn silence brought on by their fight. Distantly, Luke wished there was somewhere else for him to go, even if for another hour or two, but if he made any excuses to linger the droids would no doubt have a list of arguments against it.

_When did being around people become so hard?_

The study room door slid open as Threepio reappeared, his task now complete. “Are you ready to leave, Master Luke?”

Luke nodded and pushed himself away from the table. Already his feet and knees were protesting, his back singing its own bitter song of displeasure, but he swallowed against it all and prepared for the long walk back.

*

“Dammit Han!” The fresher door slammed shut as soon as Luke’s palm hit the control switch, but that didn’t stop the wave of frustration from swelling up inside of him. Completely hidden behind a closed door Luke still felt the beginnings of a blush color his cheeks and that, more than the fleeting encounter with Han caused his body to tighten from embarrassment. “I thought we talked about this.” 

“Don’t get excited!” Han’s voice was muffled, but the indignant tone still came through clearly when he called out to him. “I just came in here to grab a few things.”

Luke’s heart was still hammering in his chest from the shock of Han seeing him in only a towel for the second time in a row. He had been so careful about keeping his body hidden these last few weeks, yet somehow his luck had managed to run out so suddenly. The air inside the fresher was still thick and warm from the shower spray making it uncomfortable to breathe, but Luke still stubbornly waited until he heard the door to the main chamber slide open and shut before stepping back out into the bedroom.

The air in the guest room was light and cool against his heated skin, but Luke still found himself frowning when his eyes landed on the bed and saw that Han had once again removed the pillows from his side. Clearly Han was still feeling upset and Luke knew that he was at least partly to blame. Luke had hoped that spending most of the day apart would have given Han enough time to cool off, but obviously Luke had thought wrong.

Luke dressed quickly, pulling on the night clothes that he had set out for himself before throwing on one of his lighter robes on top of it.

Stepping out of the guest room he entered the living area to see Han arranging his pillows and blankets on the sofa as Chewie gave him a few chastising barks.

“Are you really planning to spend another night on the couch?” Luke asked, his words successfully drawing Han’s attention.

Han frowned as he tossed his pillow aside. “I’m not about to stay where I’m not wanted,” he threw back.

Luke offered him a teasing grin as he placed a gloved hand on his stomach. “Is it that or am I just too hard to look at?” 

Han’s frown seemed to deepen in what appeared to be genuine offense. “Hey, don’t go putting words in my mouth. I never said…”

“You know she sleeps better when you’re nearby,” he added, beckoning Han to him. “Why don’t you come lay with us for a while? At least until I fall asleep.”

Hesitation ceased Han’s movements as he considered Luke’s words. He took a moment to glance towards Chewie who responded by growling encouragingly at his friend and waving his arms in Luke’s direction. With a slight shrug Han left his blankets and pillows on the sofa followed Luke back into the guest room.

“Going to bed already?” Han asked as he hit the control switch to shut the door behind them. “Isn’t it a bit early?”

“It’s been a long day,” Luke shrugged.

The truth of that statement was testament to how sedentary he had become recently. It was almost hard to believe that just a month ago he had been setting courses to uncharted planets in distant systems. Now just a day spent visiting the medical facility and reading through files was enough to exhaust him. Luke had never been one to favor sitting around over going out and doing things with his own hands, but it seemed that he would have to be satisfied getting his excitement from researching forgotten data in the confines of a library from now on.

Luke took a moment to rearrange some of the pillows before sitting down on his side of the bed. Han was still dressed in the clothes he had worn earlier in the day, but that didn’t stop him from setting himself down as well. Han maneuvered himself towards the middle of the mattress before leaning back against the headboard. Luke smiled encouragingly as he shifted in order to rest his back against Han’s chest. Already he could feel his muscles relaxing as the last bit of reserved energy slipped away. The baby was growing larger with every day, her development seeming to sap the once endless well of energy Luke used to have. Not that he could really bring himself to feel upset over it. This was just a natural part of the process, even if there was nothing natural about his situation.

“So Leia tells me you asked her to look after the baby if something happens to us,” Han noted, his words cutting through Luke’s swirling thoughts. Han draped his arm across Luke’s shoulders, his hand rested comfortably against his side and Luke took comfort in the fact that there was no trace of anger in Han’s words.

“Yes,” Luke confessed. “I wasn’t planning to do it, but… it just felt right in the moment. I’m sorry I didn’t consult you first.”

He could feel the rise and fall of Han’s shoulders against his back, the gesture feeling a bit distant even as Luke’s mind started to drift. “I can’t say I’m thrilled, but at least you’re makin’ decisions about something.”

Luke sighed and folded his hands on top of his stomach. He could feel the baby settling comfortably inside of him, likely just as tired as Luke. Brushing the upper swell of his stomach with the pad of his thumb, he was amused by the weak little push the baby offered his touch. She always seemed to respond to him, no matter how tired she was. “I know you think I’m being purposely difficult, but this is complicated for me as well,” he explained. “There’s still so much I want to know, but I keep running into dead ends.”

“That what you were researching today?” 

He nodded. “It seems as if the Jedi didn’t have much to say on this sort of thing. I’m starting to wonder if maybe this isn’t a practice they had developed.”

“Whadd’ya mean?” Han asked, the confused frown clear in his voice. “I thought you said this baby was made by the Force?”

“Yes, but the Jedi weren’t the only ones who could manipulate the Force,” he explained. “I’ve been wondering… what if this is more of a Sith technique?”

“Sith?” Han shook his head. “Now you’re just makin’ yourself worry over nothing. You’re no Sith.”

“You know what I mean.” Luke frowned. He should have known better than to think that Han would understand. Everything was always so black and white with Han. At times Han’s cut and dry out look helped to put his mind at ease, simplifying things that it would be easy to over think and complicate, but this wasn’t a situation that could be broken down so easily and his flippant responses just felt frustrating. “I know that she’s fine, but sometimes I wonder about myself… about what my attachments towards others could do.”

“Hey if making a baby with someone means you’re a bad person, then there are billions of mothers and fathers out there that you might need to talk to,” Han gibed. His left hand dropped down to rest on top of Luke’s and even through the shiny black material of his gloves Luke could feel the warmth from his touch. “Maybe the Jedi did make rules about not having relationships or attachments, but look where following those rules got them?”

Luke gave a heavy sigh, shakings his head against Han’s shoulder. “You don’t understand,” he muttered, but there was no real way that Han ever could. 

As far as Han was concerned, Vader was evil and Luke was good, but there was more to both of them than something as simple as right and wrong. Vader had once been a good, decent man but he had strayed. Luke couldn’t say for certain that having a family and romantic attachments had been what caused it, but it had certainly been there. Now Luke was here and ready to toss everything he had learned aside for Han and their baby, but even as he lay there doubt and uncertainty still found a way to creep into his mind.

Running a hand across the side of his stomach, Luke could tell that the baby had finally drifted off when she did not as much as shift at his touch. Closing his eyes, Luke could feel the remaining energy seeping out of him with every steady breath he took as he allowed his mind to wander, focusing on only the steady rise and fall of Han’s chest against his back. 

“Tell me something kid,” Han whispered, his voice sliding through the growing fog of sleep that had been clouding Luke’s mind. “What would you be doing if I wasn’t here?”

“Still trying to sleep,” he teased.

Han gave his side a nudge as Luke flashed him a playful smirk. “You know what I mean. If you hadn’t come to Volarus to find me, you think you’d still be second guessing yourself like this?”

His hands stilled at Han’s question. He knew without a shadow of a doubt if it weren’t for Chirrut’s insight he would still be wandering ruins in the Outer Rim. In fact, had Chirrut given him the coordinates to Ahch-To instead of delivering his revelation about the baby, Luke imagined he would be there already. Luke sighed, knowing that Han was still watching over him and waiting impatiently for a response. “Maybe I wouldn’t have been questioning why this happened, but sooner or later I’d want some sort of answer beyond ‘the will of the Force.’”

“So you’d be content with the idea of someone or something else doing this to you, but upset at the thought that you brought it on yourself?”

“Consciously or unconsciously, the thought of making yourself pregnant is strange, isn’t it? Even if I was… if I was _made to do this_ it still seems-”

“Impulsive? Reckless? Hasty?” Han gave a soft huff of a laugh as he grasped Luke’s hand in his own in order to raise his lips. Han’s kiss was light and playful, but affectionate all the same. “Sounds just like you.”

Luke rolled his eyes as Han continued to brush his lips against the smooth material of Luke’s glove. “Despite what you may think I wasn’t so head over heels for you that I’d throw all sense into the wind and start planning on building a family without ever discussing it with you.”

“Yeah, but in the heat of the moment?” Han shrugged, the smug smirk clear from the curve of his lips against Luke’s fingers. “Who’s to say? ‘Sides are you trying to tell me you never thought about it?”

Luke frowned, because the conversation was starting to veer dangerously close to their previous discussion and the last thing he wanted was another disagreement. He grunted and took a moment to shift his weight. Staying in one position for so long wasn’t really an option for him anymore and already Luke was starting to feel the pressure of his stomach resting heavily against his hips for so long. 

“Did I ever think about _this_?” he asked, using his free hand to rub at the base of his stomach. “Can’t say the thought ever entered my mind.”

“And Leia says _I_ make things difficult,” Han scoffed. “You know what I’m sayin’. You never thought about having a family? Finding yourself a wife an’ havin’ a few kids to work your own moisture farm?”

The words created an uncomfortable tightness in his chest, a sour feeling building inside as an image he had pushed away long ago attempted to take shape in his mind. It sounded too much like the life Uncle Owen had planned out for him and even after so many years Luke still found himself grimacing in distaste at the thought. “I… it was something I thought would happen,” he confessed, “but I never wanted it. I didn’t want to stick around Tatooine. Every day I was there all I thought about was leaving. Having a family…” He didn’t finish the thought, but Luke knew right away that he didn’t need to. “Was that something you ever thought about?”

Han responded with another shrug and for a moment Luke thought that was all the answer he was willing to give. He twined their fingers together, pulling Luke’s hand away from his lips as he seemed to consider just how to answer. “When I was a dumb kid running scams across the galaxy, no,” he said at last. “But things change when you get older.”

Luke chuckled, moving his attention from rubbing at his stomach to the increasingly tender part of his thigh. If he stayed like this much longer Luke had a feeling his legs would fall asleep before he did. “You make it sound like you’re an old man. You’re only a few years older than me.”

“A lot can change in a few years.”

“So you’re telling me you were day dreaming about starting a family?” Luke jeered. “Maybe I _should_ be blaming you for this after all.” 

“Yeah, lucky thing I’m no Jedi,” he teased. “I’d probably get kicked out of the order for all my dirty thoughts alone.” Behind him Luke could feel Han shuffling against the headboard, craning his neck as he adjusted his hold on Luke’s fingers. “You feelin’ alright?”

“Yeah, just…” Luke grimaced and turned himself slightly. “I think I’ve been sitting like this too long. My hips are starting to feel a bit funny.” A rueful laugh escaped him as he shook his head. “Now _I’m_ starting to sound like an old man.”

“Let’s get you into a better position,” Han offered, releasing Luke’s hand in order to give him more space to move.

Already Luke was beginning to miss the feel of him, the comforting warmth of Han’s chest against his back had been soothing even as the rest of him seized up in growing discomfort. Yet he didn’t bother to protest when Han began rearranging the pillows and blankets, focusing instead on sliding out of his robe without actually getting up. His body already began to feel cooler without the extra layer, but somehow his arm managed to get tangled in the loose fabric and when he made to shrug it off, there was a pointed twinge in the small of his back. Luke grimaced, his hands instantly flying to cradle the throbbing patch of skin. He hated how stiff he had become recently, how easy it was to injure himself over the simplest movements. It was at times like this that he didn’t feel so much like an old man, but a lumbering beast.

Han’s hand came to join his own at his back and Luke was embarrassed by the grunt of pain that slipped out of him at the touch. “Pull a muscle?”

“I think so.” He grunted as Han’s firm fingers began rubbing at the sore spot, doing more harm than actual good, but Luke felt certain that if he moved to bat him away he would probably make things worse. “I really need to get out more.”

“No, you don’t,” Han answered instantly, much to Luke’s exasperation. “You just need to relax. Lay down on your side.”

Luke didn’t bother to argue with Han’s instructions, because lying down had been his original goal. He rested his head against the feathered pillows as Han shifted himself on the other end of the mattress. His body tensed at the feel of Han’s hands against him, but he forced himself to relax when Han’s touch grew more focused and tender. His eyes drifted shut as Han’s palm gently massaged the small of his back, deft fingers playing against the tight cords of his muscles until the tension held there slowly began to melt away.

“Feeling better?” Han asked and Luke had a feeling the deep sigh that escaped him had served as a satisfying answer. Han chuckled, his fingers still playing against the sore back muscles. “See?” A low rumble of a laugh slipped from him as Han’s palm slid lower. “Want me to work the other side?”

His body grew tense at the question and the obvious meaning behind it. Luke frowned as Han’s lips moved closer, the heat of his breath caressing the shell of his ear as his palm went from Luke’s back to resting comfortably on his lip. “This would be easier without all these clothes in the way.”

“Don’t.” His grasp was probably a bit too tightly, but Luke found himself acting more on reflex than anything else when his hand reached out to grab Han’s wrist and still his touch. His heart was hammering in an unpleasant rhythm at the thought of Han’s fingers wandering any further and suddenly he felt as if he were caught off guard, exposed and trapped in only a towel once again. He forced himself to take a breath and close his eyes, reluctantly releasing Han’s wrist as he buried himself deeper into the pillows. “Don’t do that.”

He could feel Han’s frown, and… other things. Disappointment, confusion, frustration were all drifting towards him as Luke lay there still and embarrassed by his own shame. It felt so juvenile to be so insecure, so self-conscious of his own frame, but even if the change had happened gradually over the last eight months it was still too rapid for Luke to truly be able to look at himself and recognize this body as his own.

“Didn’t you say you wanted me to lay with you?” Han asked, probing straight to the heart of the issue.

Luke sighed and tucked his mismatched hands beneath his pillow. In his mind he had suspected that it would lead to this, but he had hoped that Han would understand his reluctance, especially after seeing him so bare and open twice in as few days. “I’m sorry, but I don’t… I’m not ready.”

The sound of a heavy sigh escaping through Han’s nose reached him along with the steady presence of frustrated disappointment. It hit him before Han could mutter a dejected “fine” and flop down beside him on the bed. The lights clicked off with an air of finality to them and Luke soon found himself feeling very alone in the stillness of the darkened room.


	5. Chapter 5

Threepio was easy to corner. The protocol droid had never been great when it came to minding his surroundings and when Han yanked at his arm and pulled him out into the hall Threepio only had enough time to let out a startled sound before the door slid closed and trapped him.

“Okay Goldenrod, tell me something,” Han demanded, staring straight into the droid’s glowing yellow eyes that seemed to be flashing with mild panic. “What’s Luke been doing in the archives?”

Han had been hesitant enough when Luke had gone down to the library the first time, but at the time he had been under the impression that it was going to be a one-time thing. Now coming on his third consecutive trip to the archives, Han was starting to get suspicious that the Jedi was up to something.

“Well, I’m afraid I don’t know General Solo,” Threepio confessed apologetically. “He hasn’t told me.”

“He hasn’t told you?” Han frowned, not buying it. Luke had been dragging the droids with him over to the library for three days straight and the idea that Threepio had no clue why seemed odd to say the least. Yet on the same end Threepio wasn’t exactly programmed to lie and if he claimed not to know then it likely meant Luke was keeping something from the droid, which was even more suspicious. “Well then what exactly have you been doing when he was down there?”

“I’ve been translating text for him,” Threepio explained. “I did inquire as to what Master Luke needed them for, but he never shared that knowledge with me.”

Han fought to keep the grin from his face at the droid’s answer, because at least he was getting somewhere. “Well what exactly have those text been about?”

“They were all related to Jedi history, General Solo,” he offered. Threepio’s eyes flashed, his head stiffly moving to the side as if searching for an escape route, not that he would be able to run if the option presented itself. Threepio was too stiff and uncoordinated to ever hope to outrun or out maneuver Han. “I’m sorry, sir, but may I ask…?”

“No,” Han cut in quickly. “Was there anything in particular that kept coming up in the files? A topic or a ritual or something?”

“Well, there was a planet that seemed to interest him.”

Han’s triumphant grin quickly morphed into a frown at Threepio’s comment, not liking at all where this was heading. “A planet?”

“Yes. I believe it was called ‘Ahch-To.’”

The name didn’t strike him as familiar and somehow that knowledge upset him more, because it meant that Luke was probably planning to go to some rock floating out in the middle of nowhere to discover it’s secrets. Frustration tightened in the pit of his stomach at the thought and a large part of Han realized he shouldn’t have been surprised. As always, it was only a matter of time, sooner or later Luke would find some excuse to take off, but he had just hoped this would be the exception. 

The protocol droid’s naturally hesitant demeanor seemed to grow ever more uncertain as he watched Han’s glower deepen. Han had a feeling that Threepio was starting to worry that he had betrayed Luke’s trust or upset Han in some way, but in that moment Han was too fixed on his own anger to bother saying anything to the droid. Hardly offering the droid more than a dismissive grunt, he maneuvered past Threepio and back into the apartment. 

Leia had already left for the day and was likely to be tied up with meetings for hours. Artoo was gone as well as Han discovered when he re-entered the apartment, and distantly Han recalled that Luke had sent him off on some errand, but his brain was too wound up to properly recall just what it had been. He spotted Luke in the living room, discussing something with Chewie. Luke’s hair was still a touch damp from the shower as he tried and failed to put on his own boots without looking too awkward or exerting himself. Chewie, for his part, looked ready to jump in and offer help at a moment’s notice should Luke swallow his pride and ask for it. The atmosphere felt very much like any other morning, but the irritation jumping through Han’s veins couldn’t let him stop to enjoy the calm or tranquility.

“Where’s Ahch-To?”

Luke’s left foot had been half way into his shoe when Han spoke, the sharply pronounced question drawing the younger man’s attention and halting his movements. Han watched as Luke’s eyes gazed up at him, startled and slightly guilt ridden, before shifting towards Threepio who had shuffled his way back inside the penthouse. 

“Forgive me, Master Luke,” Threepio offered instantly. “I didn’t…”

“Answer the question,” Han demanded.

Luke seemed to bristle at the sound of Han’s tone, but instead of responding in kind he went back to his task of stuffing his feet into his boots. “It’s a planet,” he answered simply, “if you must know.”

“You’re damn right, I must know!” 

Chewie growled chidingly at Han, questioning what had brought on this sudden confrontational mood.

“I’m not acting crazy,” Han told Chewbacca. “He’s plannin’ on runnin’ away again.”

That was enough to draw Luke’s full attention, his eyes lifting sudden and sharp at Han’s claim. “I never said that!” he said defensively. Luke turned his frown towards Threepio, who clattered backwards at having the spotlight suddenly shift in his direction. “Threepio! What did you tell him?” 

“Nothing!” Threepio assured. “I only said…”

“He told me enough,” Han cut in. His patience had gone painfully short and Han wasn’t in the mood to sit through Threepio’s groveling. “He told me you’ve been researching this planet. You lied to me! You said you were looking into the pregnancy.”

The living room went painfully silent for half a moment as Threepio and Chewbacca study Luke, the two of them quietly gauging his reaction to decipher if there was any truth to Han’s words. Yet in typical Jedi fashion Luke remained frustratingly passive. “Threepio,” Luke began calmly, “why don’t you go to the lobby with Artoo.”

“No,” Han said, turning briefly to look in Threepio’s direction. Threepio was practically trembling with uncertainty even as his chrome head turned in Han’s direction. “Stay here.”

A look of irritation flashed across Luke’s face, but his scrutiny remained fixed on the droid instead of Han. “Threepio, go.”

The gears in the droid’s neck were virtually creaking as he continued to look between Luke and Han, conflicted as to which of them to listen to. At last Han allowed himself to take a small amount of pity on the protocol droid and waved him off. “Fine, go downstairs. Chewie, you might as well go with him.”

Luke got to his feet awkwardly as Chewie and Threepio made their exit, but he waited until the main door closed behind the two before speaking. “Do you really need to bully Threepio like that?” Luke snapped, his Jedi serenity slowly melting away as indignation slipped into his words. “You make him nervous enough as it is!”

“Don’t lecture me on how to treat your pet droid!” Han shot back. “Besides, you and I both know this isn’t about _him_. This is about _you_ running away!”

“ _Children_ run away, Han,” Luke told him testily. “And I wasn’t even planning on going anywhere! A friend told me about Ahch-To and I was just doing research on it.”

“A friend?” Han asked skeptically.

“Yes.”

“Oh really? And what’s there?”

“I don’t know,” Luke said, throwing his hands up in exasperation. “For your information there hasn’t been much recorded about it. All I’ve found is that it’s in the ‘Unknown Region’ and is the site of an old Jedi temple. I was planning to visit _after_ the baby was born-”

“So you admit you were gonna leave!”

“ _After_!” Luke repeated. “ _After_ I had the baby. Not now!”

“What difference does it make? Before, after? You shouldn’t be plannin’ on doin’ this sort of thing anymore! And why were you keepin’ this from me in the first place?”

“Because I knew you would react just like this!” Luke closed his eyes and placed his hands on his stomach and for a moment Han felt guilt and concern fill him, because getting Luke so worked up couldn’t be good for his condition, but that part of him was small and far away, easily overshadowed by the frustration still pumping through his veins. “Are you trying to tell me I shouldn’t go anywhere after the baby’s been born?”

“You’re her mother! You’re supposed to stay with her!”

“I am _not_ her mother!”

“You got that right!”

Luke’s blue eyes were wide, stunned as if Han had struck him and Han was just glad to see a genuine reaction from him for a change. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Admit it, you’re distant because you can’t stand the idea of being a parent and just wanna dump her on my lap to raise her while you run off havin’ adventures. But it’s not gonna work like that! You have to make a choice right now: either stay here with her an’ me or-”

The slap came so quickly that Han barely even registered that it had happened until he was stumbling backwards with a throb in his cheek and a sharp coopery taste on his tongue.

Luke’s eyes were bright and flashing, his whole body tight and radiating anger as he glared straight into Han’s eyes. “I can’t believe you would even _think_ about asking me something like that! After everything you’ve put me through.”

“That _I_ put you-”

“Yes you!” Luke cut in. “You keep pressuring me to do things, to sleep with you to marry you, and when I don’t give an answer right away suddenly I’m a terrible person. Now I’m a terrible parent? This isn’t easy on me Han! I keep telling you that, but you don’t believe me.” Again Luke closed his eyes and touched his stomach, but this time Han could tell it wasn’t helping to calm him at all. “I didn’t want _this_. I didn’t want _us_ to be this way, but now we’re here anyway.”

The constricted feeling in his chest continued to spread, his body still feeling fiery and wound up tight like a spring ready to snap, but reason was starting to push its way through and Han began to realize that if they didn’t back down then the two of them would be spinning out of control. “Look,” he began, reaching for Luke, who jerked violently away before his fingers could get anywhere near his side. “I didn’t mean any of that stuff.”

“But you still said it,” Luke shot back. “You can say all of that to me, but you can’t say you love me?”

A different kind of heat found its way to Han’s face and suddenly he felt as if he were being pushed into a corner. “Hey, that’s difficult for me, too. Did you ever think about that?”

“Well I’ll make it easier on you then.” Without another word Luke grabbed his cloak and stormed away.

For a moment Han felt glued where he stood, the sound of the door hissing shut almost deafening in his ears, but after a moment the shock wore off and he found himself hurrying towards the door. Luke had already made it down to the turbo lift by the time Han had jogged down to the end of the hall.

“Luke!” he called out just as the doors slid closed, sealing off the lift car. Anger poured through his arms and legs and without thinking he found his fist slamming into the control panel. “Fine! Leave! And don’t expect me to come after you when you get in trouble.”

*

“This wasn’t the mood I had envisioned when I said I’d take you out for a drink.”

A bitter retort crawled up his throat, but Han couldn’t find it in himself to speak. Instead he simply grunted in Lando’s direction before taking a long hard swallow of his brandy. 

Things had deteriorated with remarkable speed after their fight and looking back Han shouldn’t have been surprised. It certainly wasn’t the first time he and Luke had gotten so heated with each other, but it was easily the worst argument they’d ever had. Not long after Luke had walked out Chewie had returned to the penthouse to tell Han that the Jedi had taken the droids and left. Chewie tried to talk Han into going after him, but Han had refused, too full of anger and pride to set foot outside. At the time Han had felt certain that Luke would come back, that after a few hours he would cool off and the two of them would be able to talk things over. 

Half the day passed with no sign of Luke, but Han didn’t worry. He simply did his best to focus his attention on attempting to review paperwork Leia had given him weeks ago or half watching a program on the Holonet. It was only when Threepio returned to announce that Luke had taken Artoo and his X-Wing and left the planet that Han began to realize how badly he had messed things up.

Lando studied Han quietly for a moment, waiting for a more articulate response of some kind, but when it became obvious that no answer was coming he took a quick sip of his cocktail before switching tactics. “How did Leia take the news?”

“Awful,” Han answered automatically. “She left as soon as I told her. Said she wanted to try contacting Luke before he was outta range.”

It was a task that she could have easily accomplished from the apartment, but instead she had decided to leave without giving Han the courtesy of the tongue lashing that he obviously deserved. Han could feel the weight of her silence each time he thought back to that moment, Leia’s eyes flashing with worry, fear, loss, but not anger as she immediately turned away from him suddenly unable to bare his presence.

Han frowned and brushed his thumb along the warm glass, feeling the small imperfections along the deceivingly smooth surface. There wasn’t a single thing he didn’t regret. Everything had felt right in the moment, but now that he was separate from the pounding anger and bitter hurt he could only see how much he had screwed up. When he blinked he saw Luke’s face when Han had accused him of not wanting the baby, heard the tension in his voice when he told Han that he was pushing him around, and his cheek still throbbed with the lingering pain from where Luke’s palm had struck him.

_I deserved that,_ Han thought as he brushed his fingers carefully against the swollen part of his face. He grimaced and took another gulp of brandy. 

Lando hummed and tapped the base of his glass with the tip of his index finger. “Well, I’m sure there’s still time to go after him,” he reasoned. “He’s probably headed to that planet, Ahch-To right?”

Han shook his head. “I can’t be sure. Even if I did know, there’s no information on that planet on any of the charts I’ve looked at. Apparently Luke has the only set of coordinates. For all I know, he’s as far away as you can possibly get.”

Chewie let out a low, mournful growl and Han felt as though the sound had dug straight into his chest. No one had been more excited for the baby than Chewie. The Wookie was convinced having a kid would be good for Han that fatherhood would help settle him, but now there was no chance of that happening.

“Hey, I bet you’re both worrying over nothing,” Lando said confidently. “Luke will come back. He just needs time to cool off.”

“I dunno,” Han said despondently. His glass was nearly empty and as miserable as he felt, Han couldn’t quite bring himself to order more. He felt miserable and low and a part of him was certain that he deserved to feel that way. Dulling his senses was an easy solution that seemed too good for him. “You didn’t see how upset he was when he left. I can’t really blame him. I’ve been a real jerk.”

Chewie barked in agreement, seeming to take a bit of pleasure in kicking Han while he was down by listing all the horrible things he had done in the last few days.

“Wait a minute,” Lando cut in, eyes wide with shock as he clumsily set his drink aside. “What do you mean he never told Luke he loved him?”

Han rolled his eyes at the comment. Suddenly there was a bit of fight coming back to him, because somehow hearing Lando say it made the situation seem ridiculous. “It’s a difficult thing to say,” he huffed defensively. “I don’t even understand why he needs me to say it! He’s a Jedi. He should be able to feel it, shouldn’t he?”

“Just because he can feel it doesn’t mean it’s not nice to hear,” Lando countered as Chewie growled in agreement. “Besides, he’s just a kid who’s in a weird situation that he never should have been in. And since he is a Jedi, he _really_ shouldn’t be in this situation. So what if he comes up with dumb rules that don’t make sense? You could’ve at least humored him a little.”

Chewie gave a few pointed barks as he nudged Han’s side and suddenly Han regretted not ordering another drink.

“Of course I feel that way about him,” Han told Chewie. “I asked him to marry me, didn’t I?”

“So you can ask someone to marry you, but you can’t say ‘I love you’?”

“It’s complicated,” he grumbled and suddenly Han was starting to understand why Luke had said that so often.

*

It was late when they finally returned to the penthouse, but somehow Han wasn’t surprised to see that Leia was still awake. Standing alone on the spacious balcony, the Princess looked remarkably statuesque and stiff as she stood in the darkness illuminated only by the distant lights of passing speeders and air cars. Her back was turned towards the main suite and her bare hands seemed to bury themselves fiercely into the meat of her arms she gazed out at the city that seemed to be forever in a constant state of motion. 

Everything in Han told him that Leia wouldn’t want to speak with him, but somehow he couldn’t stop himself from approaching her. Stepping out onto the balcony he was awash by the sharp coldness of the air, a combed result of the late hour and their particularly high elevation. There was a bottle of gin resting on a serving on top of the patio table and Han wondered if Leia had bothered to even open it. 

“Any luck reaching him?” Han asked.

Leia spared a moment to glance his way and even in the sparse light of late evening, he could see the red surrounding her dark brown eyes. She sighed, her shoulders remaining tense as her fingers dug deeply into her biceps. “No,” she said. “Either his commlink is off or he’s already out of range.”

Either answer was likely, but it left them in the exact situation they had feared. Han frowned and grabbed the bottle by its neck, twisting the cap to find that the seal had yet to be broken. Pouring two glasses he handed one to Leia. She didn’t bother to look his way, but she untangled one of her hands in order to accept the offered glass. 

“Look,” Han started, but instantly regretted it. There was nothing that he could say to improve Leia’s mood, but somehow he felt the urge to fill the awkward silence with something resembling conversation. “I’m sure he’s alright. He’ll probably be back in no time.”

A slow breath escaped Leia as she gave her head a slight shake. “If we’re lucky,” she muttered.

Han groaned and ran a frustrated hand through his hair. “Look, can you just tear into me already? I know screwed all this up, but…” He huffed and threw his hands up, the acting causing his gin to splash onto the patio. “C’mon, just be mad at me already! Yell, scream, do _something_!”

The silence only lasted another second, but it seemed to stretch on for an eternity. At last Leia turned towards him, her eyes meeting Han’s for the first time that night. He could see the red was already starting to fade from her eyes and if she had cried it had likely been some time ago as her cheeks no longer held any traces of tears. 

“Would yelling make you feel better?” she asked tightly. “Because I’m not exactly interested in that.” Leia frowned and very pointedly looked away, her cheeks turning a touch pink as she clenched her jaw muscles together. “Of course I’m mad at you,” she admitted, “but you’re not the only one at fault. I’m mad at Luke too, because even if he was upset at you running away was stupid and reckless… But I’m also mad at myself.”

“You? You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Leia shook her head. “No, I… I may not have done anything to drive him away, but I wasn’t completely honest with him either.”

“What do you mean?” Han frowned and looked down at his hand to see that his glass was now empty. He took a moment to dry his hands on his shirt before refilling his drink. 

“There was something I wanted to tell him,” Leia explained, “but I talked myself out of it. I thought that there would be more time, but apparently I was wrong.”

“You don’t know that. There’s still a chance he’ll come back.”

Leia didn’t bother to humor him with a response, choosing instead to focus her gaze on her own glass of gin. “It’s strange how difficult it is to talk to him sometimes,” she mused. “It wasn’t before, but after Endor everything changed.”

It was obvious that this was something had been building inside of Leia for a while, the frustration and weariness clear in her tight body language. Han decided that the best thing to do would be to stay silent and let her get it all out.

He watched as Leia considered her drink, her fingers holding the glass in a dangerously tight grip before she finally drank through tightly pressed lips. She grimaced, sighed, and then continued. “I wanted to talk to him about our mother,” Leia said. “About the way she died. It was something I found out before he even told me about his condition. I suppose it was bad timing, but I just couldn’t shake the feeling that it meant _something_.” She sighed and took another drink. “I guess a part of me was worried about what he would say, that he would just tell me I was worrying over nothing or confirm that it would come true. Either way I should have just told him.”

Han sighed and put his glass aside. Leia didn’t have say anymore for Han to understand and he would have been lying if there hadn’t been a moment or two where he had found himself overcome with the same fear. He supposed that was part of the reason he had gone so crazy. Being protective of Luke had been so natural for him for so long and then he had found out about the baby. From the first time he had heard that small, fluttering heartbeat at the medical center that protective energy had strengthened by tenfold. It didn’t make him feel better or right about all the things he had said and done, but he had to hope that he would be able to make up for it somehow. 

“I guess none of us handled this situation well,” Han sighed, his drink feeling heavy in his grasp. “Maybe if we’re lucky we’ll get a chance to fix this.”

Leia nodded, seeming to consider his words. She looked down remorsefully at her own glass before finally finishing it off. “Sometimes it feels like all we ever do is wait for Luke,” she said as she turned to Han and signaled for him to top her off.

Han smiled wryly and did as Leia directed. “Yeah,” he whispered, lifting the rim of his drink to his lips. “It really does.”


	6. Chapter 6

The flight to Ahch-To should have taken three days in hyperspace, but thanks in no small part to all the stops he had been forced to make along the way, it had taken Luke nearly twice as long. Luke had known that being stuffed into his X-Wing would be difficult in his condition, his third trimester stomach dwarfing the size of his cockpit and robbing him of any ability to sit in one position for an extensive amount of time, so he had been prepared for an unusually lengthy travel time. Still, it was a shame that he hadn’t been able to make any modifications to his ship back on Coruscant. The cockpit certainly would have benefitted from an adjusted seat with more lumbar support, but resetting a few of the controls had been all Luke could manage in the short time before takeoff.

It was winter on Ahch-To or close to it if the cool dry wind that greeted him the moment his hatch was lifted was any indication. Luke had known nothing about the planet’s topography or climate before arriving and had in tried to prepare himself to be greeted by nearly anything. Overall the planet looked smaller, but seemed bigger than he had anticipated. It was essentially a world filled with islands, hundreds of them scattering the seemingly endless ocean that engulfed the planet. It was almost overwhelming to be surrounded by so much water, its deep, following blue surface such a stark contrast to the dry desert world where he had come from and that more than the crisp air made Luke feel a sharp chill.

They touched down on one of the larger islands, the flat and relatively smooth expanse of bare rock offering the best improvised landing pad to be found. The air was salty as it filled his lungs and pushed aside his blond hair. He took a moment to sit quietly and drink it in while the warm light of the planet’s twin suns caressed his skin. Cramming himself into his ship had been difficult, but climbing out unassisted would be no easy feat either. 

Basking in the sunshine, Luke couldn’t help feeling refreshed by the tranquility of the world. There were no voices to be heard, no blaring music assaulting his ears, and no whizzing air-cars cluttering the skies. The only sound that could be heard were the waves beating against the shore. Everything was calm and still, a stark contrast to the chaotic hustle and bustle that was Coruscant.

Luke could see why the Jedi of old had chosen this planet to build a temple. In many ways Ahch-To seemed to represent what he had imagined the ancient Jedi to be: distant and cold with a mysterious charm.

The low, pointed whistle from the rear hatch reminded Luke that he was not alone and drew him firmly out of his musings. He took a moment to offer Artoo a weary sigh as the droid repeated his now very familiar speech on why this was all a very bad idea. 

“Come on, Artoo. We only just got here,” Luke reminded the droid as he got to work unfastening himself from the flight seat. “It wouldn’t hurt to just explore a little before we depart again.”

Luke grimaced as a twinge spread from the base of his back and straight down to his swollen ankles, making it clear that not a single part of him would be up to flying off anywhere else in the near future. He gave himself a moment to recover before swinging his legs over the ledge and grasping the railings to cautiously make his descent. It was good to move his legs again even if the muscles did feel stiff and tender, although Luke had a feeling that with the island’s rocky terrain every part of him would be getting quite a workout in the near future.

Artoo let out a long, slow beep, one that sounded both chiding and remorseful, but that too had become familiar to him. 

“Trust me, Artoo, I know the others will probably be worried, but we’ve gone too far to turn back now.” A heavy sigh escaped him when the soles of his boots touched down on the firm ground and found it just as hard and cold as he had anticipated. Being upright felt pleasant, but Luke knew better than to even attempt to stretch out or pop his back for fear of pulling a muscle and making his already stiff form even worse. “Besides I… I need some time away.”

It likely wasn’t the answer that Artoo wanted to hear, but Luke saw no reason in hiding it from the droid. For the first time in days Luke allowed his thoughts to travel back to the day he had left Coruscant, recalling the stunned expression on Chewbacca’s face when he had impatiently and spontaneously announced that he would be taking the droids and wasn’t sure when he’d been back. He hadn’t decided to travel to Ahch-To just then, the decision only fully forming when he had sat behind the wheel of his speeder and drove at first aimlessly before shifting his trajectory towards the port. Had it not been for the fact that Artoo had stubbornly refused to give him the data file with the planet’s coordinates, Luke would have departed on his own, but the droid had managed to coerce the Jedi into bringing him along for the trip.

A sharp wind spread across the otherwise bare land, sending shivers dancing up Luke’s skin as he pulled the hem of his rob closer to his body. His main regret was not being able to pack anything more than a few nutrition bars and a small medical kit before setting off. There were only a hand full of the bars left, not enough to rely on for any extensive amount of time, and Luke could only hope that there would be something safe for him to eat growing naturally on Ahch-To.

Luke rested a gloved hand to the swell of his stomach, taking a moment to check in with his other travel companion. The fight with Han had done a fair bit to frighten the baby, their raised voices sending her into a state of panic that made her clench down painfully inside him, but she was much calmer now. Although, if it were at all possible for an unborn babe to be homesick, Luke had a strong feeling that his daughter was already starting to feel a pointed longing for Coruscant. It wasn’t so much the planet itself that the baby missed, she was after all completely unfamiliar with its sights or culture beyond the bit of food and water Luke had consumed during his time there. Somehow she had already begun to miss the sounds of the voices that had become familiar to her developing ears. 

A particular fondness had managed to grow between the baby and Han. Luke couldn’t quiet explain it, but he felt the baby grow attach to her father from the moment Han had placed his palm on Luke’s stomach. Since then the baby’s spirit always seemed to brighten when Han was around, the sound of his voice soothing to her like a warm blanket or a familiar lullaby. She longed for him most of all and Luke’s heart clenched knowing that he had managed to separate the two over a stubborn impulse.

_We won’t be gone long,_ he promised. _We’ll only be here for a time, not forever. But while we’re here there’s so many mysteries we could solve, so many riddles to answer. We may even be able to discover how it was you were created._

It was clear from the way she stayed pointedly still that the baby was completely indifferent to this concept. She didn’t want answers, she wanted Han.

_We’ll see him again soon,_ he promised.

*

Communicating with the native inhabitants of Ahch-To was more complicated than Luke had anticipated. The Lanais were small, gray, fish-like creatures with stalk thin birdly claws for feet. Their language consisted mostly of gurgling chirps, but through the Force Luke found that he was able to interpret some of what they were saying.

He wasn’t certain if it was due to his robes or the lightsaber clipped to his belt, but the Lanais were able to determine that he was a Jedi right away, a fact that seemed to fill them with fascination and delight. Despite their seemingly timid and reserved nature they approached him instantly, skittish at first but then with growing intrigue when it became clear that Luke would be receptive of their curiosity. They inspected every inch of him, pulling at his heavy robes with small hands and marveling at the tools clipped to his blaster belt. It was very clear that it had been some time since the planet had hosted any foreign visitors.

Yet while they showered Luke with enthusiastic attention, the Lanais were less than receptive of Artoo who they seemed to regard with cautious suspicion. In a way Luke couldn’t fault them for their attitude. From what he could already tell Ahch-To was a very simple planet far removed from any significant technological presence and an astromech droid such as Artoo was likely something they had not encountered in many years if any of the creatures had ever witnessed such a creation. 

“Don’t take it too personally,” Luke told him sympathetically when the droid responded to the frosty reception with several disgruntled clicks. “I’m sure after a day or two they’ll warm up to you.”

Artoo didn’t take comfort at the words, his mood instead seeming to sour even further at the implication that they would be remaining on the planet for a few days. 

“Artoo,” Luke chided wearily, exasperated as ever that he had to rationalize his behavior to a droid. On the other hand, this was a droid who had suffered a number of hardships at his hand and in a way he supposed he did owe him some sort of explanation. “It just doesn’t make sense to leave so soon after arriving, especially when it’ll just take another six days to get back. I promise, we’ll head back to Coruscant in a few days, but for now…” 

It was evident from the slow, deliberate way that Artoo’s dome was swiveling away from him that the droid wasn’t at all swayed by Luke’s words. He sighed and paced his gloved hands on his stomach, framing the swell that was far too large to be convincingly concealed beneath the layers of fabric. Although, the Lanais hadn’t noticed, but Luke contributed that more to the likelihood that none of them had seen a human in many years. That didn’t change the fact that Luke wasn’t exactly thrilled at the prospect of announcing his condition to every sentient being he encountered. Keeping his stomach hidden and his situation as low profile as possible still felt like the better option in his mind.

“Even if I am upset at Han, I’m not stubborn enough to let him miss out on being around for the birth,” Luke whispered. His stomach gave a little quake at the comment, likely the baby’s way of sighing in a kind of relief at his declaration. “I’m probably closer to nine months now than when we left. I promise I’ll leave with enough time on our side to make sure everyone will be near when the baby arrives.”

Artoo let out a thoughtful sort of whistle as he swiveled his chrome head back in Luke’s direction. Luke took that as a sign that the droid was at least willing to give him the benefit of the doubt and reasoned it was as good as he would be able to get for the time being. 

Luke took in a long breath as he looked around his dwelling. The Lanais had been generous enough to offer him temporary lodgings during his stay, and while that amounted to only a small hut made of sticks and straw with a hay covered slab of stone for a bed, Luke was still grateful that these isolated creatures were willing to show him such kindness upon his sudden arrival. The suns had set a few hours ago and beyond the little wooden door the air had plummeted by several degrees. The thin walls and door didn’t do much to keep out the chill, the small glow lamp he had brought with him from the X-Wing providing just as little warmth, but Luke didn’t think too much of it. Days of travel had sapped away what little energy he had and Luke was looking forward to a nice long rest before setting off as easy as he would be able to explore in the morning.

Beneath his skin he could feel the baby shifting, likely seeking out a comfortable position to rest. It was strange how big she felt, how heavy his stomach had become, and not for the first time Luke wondered how he was going to manage climbing the many tall hills and angular steps that comprised the majority of Ahch-To’s surface.

“Let’s get some rest,” Luke suggested as he sat down as gently as he could manage on the firm surface of his “bed.” “We’ve all had a long trip. I think it would be best for you to go into low power mode for awhile.”

Artoo did as he was directed, although reluctantly. The power cell in his X-Wing only had one full charge in it leaving Artoo without much in the way of reserve power should his system drain. Luke reasoned that they shouldn’t stay on Ahch-To longer than Artoo’s power cell allowed just to be on the safe side.

He watched as the lights on Artoo’s dome began to fade, the familiar red dimming into an almost empty gray as the astromech droid’s metal body seemed to sag heavily against its own stillness. In the calm of his hut and the stillness of this foreign planet’s night, Luke allowed his mind to wander as he reflected on what he had left behind. His mind began turning towards thoughts of Leia and instantly Luke found himself filled with regret. Luke was certain she wouldn’t take his sudden disappearance well. There wasn’t a single doubt in his mind that she would likely be giving Han an earful on the matter days after his departure. Even if he had a chance to talk to her and explain his side of things Luke knew Leia wouldn’t really understand. This whole situation had put her in a strange place, the sharp thrum of worry emitting from her ever since Luke had told her about the baby’s existence. That coupled with her own obvious fear that Luke would run off again would no doubt leave her beside herself with frustration.

Luke grunted as he pulled his legs onto the stone bed, the thick wool of his cloak offering a barrier from the hay’s prickling edges. A part of him wondered why being part of a family had always been so difficult for him. Even back on Tatooine it had felt harder than it should have. Looking back, Luke knew that he had been a terrible burden on Owen and Beru, always fighting against their rules, complaining openly and wishing to set off at the first chance even if it would be in their disservice. Then there was his father, a situation that was still too complex for Luke to properly consider as being anything close to resembling family. There was only him and Leia now and Luke had a feeling the only thing he succeeded in was frustrating or frightening her at every turn.

The baby gave a soft push to his side, a reminder of her own presence in this complicated dynamic. Things had been easier when he had thought he was only going to be a teacher to a student entrusted to him by the will of the Force, but fatherhood was more difficult to wrap his mind around even weeks later.

Luke closed his eyes and thought back to Coruscant and the penthouse that didn’t have a cradle or toys or anything a baby would need. Han’s comments about Luke purposely keeping himself distant from the baby found their way back to his mind. He already knew that Han had been angry and had only said those things to hurt him, but it still didn’t sit well with Luke to know he gave off the impression that he was indifferent to his own child. Luke wondered if Leia saw him that way, if Chewie or the droids thought that Luke had grown so cold that he couldn’t feel a kind of attachment towards a life growing inside him. 

A chill that had little to do with the night air slipping into the hut found its way straight to Luke’s bones as he laid his hands on his stomach. _Maybe you would be better off without me,_ he thought distantly. _Leia and the others would do a better job raising you than I ever could._

At least Leia knew how to be a part of a proper family. She’d been raised by a mother and a father that she adored and spoke fondly of at every opportunity. Luke felt certain Leia would be a good mother to the baby. She would be loving and kind, show the baby how to be diplomatic and brave and teach her the proper way to fire a blaster even under pressure.

The baby had already drifted to sleep, her weight resting heavily at the base of his abdomen and Luke found himself overcome with relief knowing that she hadn’t caught any slip of his thoughts. Shame filled him at the knowledge of what he had considered for even a fleeting moment, but the further along he progressed the more Luke began to realize he had no idea what was ahead of him.

His eyes grew warm and damp, his vision turning oddly wavy as he pressed the heel of his palm against his eyes. _What am I thinking? I can’t do this._

*

There was nothing much to do on Ahch-To aside from explore the ruins of the ancient Jedi temples. The Lanais had been caretakers of the temple back in the time before the Empire, long before even the intense turmoil and confusion of the Clone Wars, yet they themselves had no active knowledge of how to manipulate the Force. It was hard to tell exactly when their contact with the Jedi and the outside world had ended, but the Lanais had their own sort of insight to offer which Luke greatly appreciated. 

They showed Luke around the ruins nearest to their village, relaying secrets and facts to him about the history of their world, but even with the aid of the Force the language barrier was still difficult to move past. After a time, Luke found that he was able to gather more cohesive snippets of information simply by wandering the ruins on his own, pressing his hands against the fallen rocks and weathered stone and absorbing the details relayed to him through their connection with the Force. It was almost soothingly familiar, much like all the times before when he had wandered across the stars from planet to planet seeking the ruins and temples on other worlds, yet there was something different about Ahch-To. 

A part of Luke wanted to say that it was the renewed freedom this planet offered. After the first few days of guided tours the Lanais had allowed Luke to roam the ruins completely unattended and after more than a month of being babysat by Han and Chewie on Coruscant, Luke openly embraced the return of his independence. Yet Luke knew that it went deeper than that. Every planet and being had its own unique presence in the Force, a signature energy unlike any other, but with Ahch-To that energy seemed almost amplified in a way that was unusual for such a relatively deserted world.

“There’s something here, Artoo,” Luke tried to explain to the droid after their third night. Artoo had been spending most of the daylight hours off line since the planet’s rocky terrain severely limited his mobility. In a way it was a blessing as it meant that the droid would be able to conserve more energy during their stay, but Luke had a feeling Artoo didn’t see it that way. “It’s more than just the temple or the ruins. There’s something I need to see, I can feel it.”

Artoo didn’t accept that and responded by reminding Luke that he needed to think of the baby’s wellbeing as well.

“She’s fine,” Luke had assured him. “We’re both fine.”

Yet the truth of the matter was that Luke wasn’t completely sure about the baby anymore. She had grown so much calmer over the last few days, her Force energy as present as ever in his mind, yet her movements seemed to have slowed a fair amount as her kicks and pushes became far less frequent. It was a benefit in a small way as her less enthusiastic actions allowed Luke to be more mobile as he wandered the island, but a part of Luke missed the energetic shifting movements that he had grown to associate with his healthy, vibrant baby. Yet her presence in the Force gave off no indication of fear or harm, assuring Luke that all was well.

 _It’s getting closer now,_ he reflected, not daring to say the words out loud with Artoo nearby. Something inside told him that in another three, maybe even four weeks the baby would be ready to arrive, creating yet another ticking clock for his time on Ahch-To. 

*

Watching the sunset from the cliffs was an oddly familiar act for Luke and his instinct told him it was more than the fact that Ahch-To was part of a binary system. There was something about the planet that constantly filled him with a kind of nostalgia, all the sights and sounds stirring up a sensation that echoed inside of him as if he had experienced it all before.

Breathing in the sharp chill of the salty air, Luke watched the flecks of golden light bounced off the growing waves far below the cliffs where he sat. The days were passing more rapidly than Luke had anticipated. Somehow four days had slipped by, each one rich and eventful as fresh new discoveries unveiled themselves to him. Through the Force he had seen the ancient Jedi, beings of various shapes and species, wander the island meditating, reflecting, or training. He felt enriched by this new knowledge, but frustrated that the one question he had sought to answer was still eluding him. 

There was nothing to be found regarding a Force created pregnancy. At the island’s heart he had found a set of ancient books holding a recorded history of the Jedi and their teachings, but between their brittle pages and dry words, the meaning within was difficult to decipher. The bit of information that Luke had been able to gleam didn’t even begin to cover what he wanted to know. 

Despite Ahch-To’s serenity, Luke found himself filling with frustration and worry. He couldn’t shake the growing concern he felt for the baby and her continued lethargy, knowing that it had more significance than he had originally allowed himself to consider. Luke wondered if the baby was angry at him, if she had somehow managed to catch his previous thoughts and was horrified at the prospect that he would even consider giving her away. It troubled him as well knowing that he had allowed himself to ponder such a thing, even briefly. Luke had felt so certain that things had changed in him when he had realized the baby had belonged to Han, but after the fight weeks ago his whole world felt as if it had been disrupted and nothing felt certain or stable anymore. 

Not for the first time Luke thought of his mother. On his second day in the Coruscant archive Luke had given into temptation and researched the woman that Leia had mentioned, the details on Padme Amidala’s life far exceeding the accounts of Jedi history within the library. Through the data files Luke had even managed to pull up a holo-image of the late senator and had seen his mother’s face for the first time.

She had been so young, her image very much like that of Leia’s when he had first seen her on the Death Star. His mother’s life had been so rich and filled with promise. It was staggering how much the woman who had helped to create him had accomplished in the short years she had lived. Luke still remembered the odd feeling, reading about someone he was so connected to through second hand accounts written by strangers. Leia must have felt much the same way when she had looked into their mother’s life, yet Luke felt certain his sister didn’t feel the heavy sense of disappointment that had filled him knowing he was likely a disappointment to the woman’s memory.

Everything in Padme Amidala’s life had been accomplished with such strong conviction, an unwavering certainty that had carried her through her years of political strife. Luke was certain his mother had never felt his doubts, his growing conflict, because she had been strong like Leia and built with a steely resolve that he greatly lacked.

Luke closed his eyes and reached out to his baby, seeking some form of response from her through their bond, but just as before he was met with only calm stillness.

_You have every right to hate me,_ Luke reflected morosely as he caressed the swell of his stomach. _I tried to change, but… I didn’t accomplish anything. All I did was hurt you and Han and Leia. I’m sorry…_ A bitter laugh escaped him as a now familiar warmth filled his eyes and turned his vision watery. _I don’t even know what to call you._

Han had tried to get Luke to decide on a name, had brought up the topic several times with little success, because Luke didn’t know how to respond. It was only now that he realized this whole time he had been waiting for a sign from the Force, for some outside presence to tell him what the baby should be called. Luke supposed that after fighting against the Force with disaster results in the past had made him reluctant to act without its consent, but that didn’t serve him much help now. The Force wasn’t willing to tell him what to name the baby any more than it was likely to reveal to him how the child had been created.

“I… I don’t know what to do,” he confessed to the winter winds. “I can’t go back, not without some kind of answers, but even if I had an answer… I’d have to face them and I … I can’t. Not yet.”

In that moment Luke found that solitude had firmly lost all of its appeal as the ache of loneliness filled his chest. Being with his friends was complicated, but being away from them was turning painful. He felt directionless and adrift without any knowledge of where to turn. All around him there was a strong Force presence yet nothing real or solid to hold onto. 

_Please, tell me what to do._

He looked out across the water and allowed himself to be comforted by the fleeting rays of light as the suns sank further into the crashing waves. 

*

By the fifth day, Luke began seeing phantoms. He knew that it was strange to call them that, but no other word seemed to fit the odd beings that only he appeared able to see. They materialized at the corner of his eye at first, slipping away from sight the moment he attempted to look their way, but by the sixth day he was able to see them clearly enough to make out their form.

There were two of them, an old man and a young girl. He would see the specters most often when he scaled the stone steps leading up the mountain, but once in a while they appeared by the water or near the village. He never saw their faces, the figures usually appearing with their back towards him as they walked away, always separate from one another, and each time he caught a glimpse of them something would pull down against his insides as if pieces of him were being dragged away by their disappearance.

The two weren’t Force ghosts, he knew as much because they felt different from the way Ben or Yoda had when they appeared to him in the past, but Luke was also certain that they were projections brought on by the Force separate from the images he himself had actively conjured while wandering the ruins. He meditated about the phantoms, trying to gather answers on whether they were visions of the past or the future, but there was no answer to be found, just as it had been with his other questions.

It was on the eight day that Luke caught a glimpse of a different mirage on one of his walks by the cliffs, a vision of a submerged X-Wing deep below the surface of the water. He looked at it hard and long, believing for a moment that it was his own, the make and build similar right down to the painted colors that appeared to be fading on the submerged starfighter. Luke was too far from the patch of smooth even rock where he had landed his vessel to confirm by sight and decided instead to drop a stone into the water to test his vision. 

The rock dropped down with a heavy thunk, leaving rippling waves in its downward path and when the water calmed the X-Wing was gone, but the old man’s silhouette had appeared in its place. 

Luke felt his heart thrum in his chest as he spun around on his heels to face the figure. Somehow the old man’s image had become solid, his appearance so stark and clear that Luke was tempted to reach out and touch him were it not for the figure’s distinct lack of outer warmth. The phantom was standing just a few feet away, his face obscured by the cloak hanging low over his face and from his robed garb Luke gathered that the old man was indeed a Jedi. 

_So this is the past,_ he concluded.

Luke studied what he could of the man’s features, but only a scraggly beard peppered with white and gray were visible from his perspective, but Luke was able to determine that the phantasm couldn’t see him from the way he seemed to stare passively at nothing, his gazing seeming to cross straight through him. It was like looking at a one sided window and perhaps this was what he had been meant to see all along.

The old man turned away from Luke again, his figure maintaining its solid state as he began a long, deliberate trek up the stone steps that lead up to the mountain’s peak. Luke had already determined that he would follow the old man, but his own feet faltered when he crossed paths with the girl. 

Her face was bare and for the first time he could see her clearly. She was young, perhaps the same age he had been when he had first left Tatooine if not a few years younger, and her dark brown eyes were filled with a sort of determined uncertainty as she clutched her belongings and made the trip up the hill with surefooted steps. Just as with the old man, the girl didn’t seem to notice his presence, but Luke still found himself stepping aside in order to let her pass.

He followed close behind her as the girl made her way to the summit of the mountain where the old man was waiting. Luke and the girl came across the man only to find that his back was turned towards them both, his gaze fixed out across the ocean as a cold wind swept across the land. Luke felt his insides grow tight and heavy with anticipation as he allowed the scene to play out before his eyes. He felt connected to it all, the girl, the man, even the wind and the rocks beneath their feet, and deep inside he felt a weight press down against him.

At long last the old man turned to acknowledge the girl’s presence, slowly at first, but then a touch more certainly as he raised a hand to draw back the hood obscuring his face. Luke noticed the glint of metal right away, his eyes drawn to the bare metallic bones of a cybernetic hand and just as suddenly dread began to fill him. The course brown fabric slipped off the man’s head and Luke’s insides clenched sharply when he beheld a face that was his own, but not.

The old man, the older version of him, looked haggard and weary. The bags under his eyes told of years spent without rest and a sort of sorrow that came from loss, failure, and defeat. There were too many lines to name along his face and his long hair looked just dull and as frayed as the bushy beard sprouting from his chin. 

Luke looked away from his older self, unable to stare upon him any longer and instead fixed his gaze on the girl. She looked at the older version of him with so much hope in her eyes, hope and longing and a desperate need for assurance and suddenly Luke knew her. The girl raised her arm and held what looked like his father’s old lightsaber towards the image of his older self. 

The old Luke recognized her, it was obvious from the tight press of his lips and the way his eyes began to shift from despair to regret upon seeing her face, yet there was no recognition in the girl’s eyes and that felt wrong. Old Luke moved towards her, taking each stone step with more care than was necessary before reaching out his bare metal hand. She mistook the gesture as him accepting the lightsaber and pressed its hilt to his fingers, but Luke could tell his older self wanted nothing to do with the Jedi weapon.

“Master Skywalker,” the girl said, addressing him with awe and hesitance, but no familiarity and the formal name cut Luke straight to his core. “I…”

His older self recoiled, hurt flashing in aged blue eyes metal fingers wrapped themselves around the base of the lightsaber. He could feel the older Luke’s pain, the self-loathing radiating so powerfully that it almost brought Luke to his knees and with just a flick of his wrist the older Luke tossed the lightsaber over his shoulder where it landed on the rocks several miles below them.

The girl stood there, stricken and hurt and Luke felt that too, felt the longing for love and acceptance and a place to call her own being crushed like dirt beneath a heel. 

The old Luke’s face twisted into a bitter scowl as he walked purposefully away from the girl. “You should’ve left that thing where you found it,” he grumbled to her, to his younger self, and just as the words were spoken the two phantoms were gone.

*

The distance had done nothing to stop the tremor that seemed to persistently cause his fingers to twitch and tremble. Luke was tempted to close his eyes and focus his mind on calming thoughts, but he knew that the moment he did so the lingering images from the vision would come careening before him. 

Out beyond the protective glass of his cockpit the stars streaked by at a near blinding speed, every moment pushing more and more distance between his X-Wing and Ahch-To. The planet had become an unwelcoming place after the vision he had witnessed and even knowing there was still more that needed to be uncovered – the sacred text, the ruins, the cavern far below the cliffs that reeked of a dark presence – Luke couldn’t even bring himself to give any of it a second thought. Preparing his ship for take-off had been his sole focus, his mind so preoccupied that Luke barely spared a moment to bid the Caretakers a proper farewell before his departure.

The images from the cliff still haunted him. Even now, a full day’s journey away from Ahch-To, Luke found that it was the only thing he could think of as he struggled to understand. The image of his older self… He had become a man so different from the person he had tried to mold himself into. For years he had pictured himself becoming like Ben – wise, brave, and dedicated to the Force – but instead the person he had seen was sad and defeated and Luke wondered if he had become crushed by the weight of expectation or duty that life had thrust upon him. The thought of his own blue eyes filled with sorrow and pain, his face drawn with more than just age and so many streaks of gray running through his shabby hair disturbed him, but not as much as the look of pain on the girl’s face.

There wasn’t a single doubt in Luke’s mind that the girl with the lightsaber had been his daughter, but even with that certainty in his heart the fact that she had looked upon him with such a pointed lack of recognition chilled him to the bone. She had called him “Master Skywalker” instead of father, the formal name clearly communicating the fact that the girl likely only knew of him from stories and distant tales and every inch of her sang of a desperate yearning for the love and affection a child would receive from their parent. Luke had failed to give her that, had failed to care for her the way a father should, but why? Why had he allowed that to happen? How could he have _allowed_ that to happen?

_“You should’ve left that thing where you found it.”_

The older Luke had recognized the girl, had seen her and known her instantly as his child, yet the tone he had used to speak to the girl had been so… cold.

Luke struggled to take a calming breath only to have the air escaping his lips come out in short, quivering gasps. Even his artificial hand had begun to twitch and Luke struggled to wrap his mind around what could have possibly transpired between them, what could have led this older Luke to become so defeated, to live in isolation, to abandon his daughter…

Everything that he had thought and feared during his stay on Ahch-To came rushing back to his mind. His doubts, his weak minded thoughts, his despairs all colored that vision in their own way, but Luke didn’t know if it meant that he had seen an inescapable future or if the Force had manifested his fears into living images as they had on Dagobah.

Deep inside he felt a throbbing pressure tearing into him as the baby’s tiny body trembled with fear. After the departure their bond had recharged, her presence within him flaring up but not in the way he would have liked. She hadn’t seen the vision, but the emotions had been communicated to her as clear as day thanks to their emotional link. Her mind was too unmolded to really understand and the overwhelming feelings of despair and fear were too much for her to process.

His dash flared to life as Artoo asked, not for the first time, if everything was alright, because Luke’s vitals were spiked. Luke grimaced and spared only a moment to reassure the droid before focusing his attention back to the baby. 

_I know that was upsetting,_ Luke communicated to her, attempting to send soothing reassurance towards her even as his skin began to grow flush with discomfort. _But you must remain calm._

They were still firmly in the Unknown Regions and to have a medical issue now…

The baby seemed to have taken his stray thought the wrong way, because his insides felt wracked with an overwhelming pain. Luke bit his lip and clenched down on himself as volts of agony coursed through his body. He felt as if shards of broken glass and scattered bits of metal were drilling at his muscles. The pain was worse than the Emperor’s Force created lightning bolts, but this time it was emerging from the inside and pushing their way out, stretching and tearing him with furious agony.

 _Don’t do this now,_ he begged as his skin began to prickle with beads of sweat. _We can’t do this now!_

His heart felt as if it had been kicked into high gear. His own thoughts were still churning from the images on Ahch-To as the baby’s fear pushed against him in fitful waves that caused his body to spasm. The air inside the cockpit continued to flow from the vents, cool and steady, but Luke felt his lungs begin to strain and his skin burn as he struggled for breath.

Artoo’s frantic beeps and whistles reached him over the sound of blood churning in his ears, but his eyes were too unfocused to properly make out what the droid was saying on the display screen. All he knew was the panic he could feel emitting from the droid’s metal being. If he pushed the X-Wing to its limit and took every short cut he knew, they would still be two days away from Coruscant and even that was an optimistic projection. 

With a groan he grasped the base of his stomach in his trembling hands. Luke wasn’t sure if it was just his own imagination, but the skin felt burning hot and strangely sticky against his unsteady fingers. 

“Artoo,” he barely managed to push out from between his gritted teeth. “I can’t… I can’t make it. You have to take the controls.”

This time Artoo’s beeps sound almost siren like as Luke’s head began to swim. He felt as if he were sinking, pushed down against something flat and warm as his whole body was submerged in molten lead. “Artoo…” he groaned before his eyes began to lose focus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a feeling most readers figured out the baby was Rey the moment I started using female pronouns, but for those who didn't... Surprise!
> 
> Also for those who haven't seen The Last Jedi (although it's coming out on Blu Ray soon so I'm sure most people have) there will be _some_ illusions to the movie in later chapters, but no major details/spoilers.


	7. Chapter 7

The pins that had held her hair in the tight bun at the base of her head were difficult to fish out at first, but one by one Leia managed to collect them all, placing the little black bits of metal in their usual place inside the jar on top of her vanity. Already her head began to feel a touch lighter as she allowed the bun to unwind itself, the dense braid of brown hair swinging down to brush against the small of her back as if to signal that the day was nearly at a close. She allowed a slow, heavy breath to escape her lips as pulled the braid carefully over her shoulder and began to unravel it with practiced ease.

Bit by bit the air of tension that had once filled the penthouse was easing away, but the heavy cloud of unspoken fear still rested heavily on all of them. There had been no word from Luke since he had disappeared weeks ago and the longer it took to hear back from him, the more they all tried desperately not to dwell on it. A failed effort as Leia knew with unquestioned certainty that it was the only thing anyone could think about.

Free from the braid, her hair fell in loose waves down her back and over her shoulders, cascading in clumps that she slowly eased apart with her fingers before reaching for the comb that she kept beside her bottles of perfume. The little metal teeth were able to glide down her dark tresses with ease as Leia gazed wearily at her own reflection. 

The day hadn’t been particularly long or eventfully, but that didn’t stop the touch of puffy gray from clinging to the skin beneath her eyes. For days Leia had been trying to reach out to Luke, not through communication channels, but with their shared bond, yet a hollow echo of silence was always her only answer. A part of her feared that Luke had cut himself off from her, but that seemed wrong. Luke was a lot of things, but he certainly wasn’t petty. It was more likely that wherever he was in the galaxy it was too far away for Leia and her fledgling abilities to reach. That thought did nothing to ease the worry in her heart and as Leia continued to run the stiff prongs of her comb through her hair, she swore to herself that when Luke came back she would pick-up her training again. 

Leia knew now that the Force had been a part of her forever, but the difference between having an unexplained gift and putting a name to it was staggering. Her bond with Luke was a precious thing, but going beyond that simple connection and searching out the greater possibilities the Force had to offer both thrilled and terrified her.

A frown settled upon her features, her hand momentarily growing still as her mind settled on the thought. Giving into fear had certainly been a troubling pattern of hers lately. It wasn’t like her to be afraid, to dwell on “what ifs” instead of taking action, but things were always unnecessarily complicated when it came to Luke.

Since Luke’s departure, Leia had found herself overwhelmed by nightmares, each of them centering on her twin wracked with pain. Leia didn’t speak to Han or anyone else about it, but she was certain it had everything to do with what she had learned of her mother. It was foolish to believe that telling Luke about their mother’s passing would make her concerns come true, but somehow holding it all inside was making the fear even worse. She didn’t want to believe that it could happen to Luke that her brother could fall victim to such a thing, but he had unknowingly put himself in a dangerous situation and now he was light years away with no one to look after him.

_He’ll be fine. He’ll come home._

Home. It was such a strange thing to call this place. The penthouse didn’t feel like home, not with or without Luke, and the others certainly seemed to share that feeling. Whether intentionally or not Han and Chewie had done a fine job of making themselves scares recently. Leia hardly ever saw her friends anymore, but she knew in many ways it was partially her own doing. The pair usually spent their days at the port making unnecessary repairs on the Falcon or taking inventory despite the fact that their supplies had been checked and restocked weeks ago. They would either stay at the port well into the night or head out with Lando and stay away far later than necessary. 

For her own part Leia had been less than eager to spend time in her own apartment without Luke, choosing instead to throw herself head first into all the tedious work she had initially planned to put aside for Luke’s sake. There wasn’t much to be done in her office, but she found excuses and made up tasks for herself because focusing on trade agreements and petitions was a far better option than dwelling on the lingering bits of nightmares in the daylight hours. The only one Leia saw anymore was Threepio. She kept him close at hand, finding tasks for him to complete both at the office and around the penthouse. The protocol droid would gather files and manage her schedule even though there was nothing to manage. Leia knew that Threepio needed the distraction just as much as anyone else. The droid had taken the argument and the ensuing disappearance terribly, perceiving the whole situation as his own fault no matter how many times Leia had assured him otherwise. In a small way doing actual protocol work was soothing for a droid in need of some form of approval, especially when it kept Threepio from worrying about Luke and Artoo. 

Leia sighed and began moving her comb through her hair again as she deliberately redirected her thoughts. She still held on to the hope that in time this penthouse could be home for all of them. When Luke came back she would talk to him again, try to shine a better light on the idea down on Coruscant. 

By now Luke must have been close to his due date, but there was no space for the baby. She needed a cradle, clothes, diapers, and so many other things that none of them had thought to buy. Well, Han had likely thought of it, but his plans were always thwarted by Luke’s hesitation. Luke was as far from materialistic as a person could get, but Leia felt confident that she could win him over with a bit of preparation. In the morning she would call her decorators, have them purchase supplies for a nursery and show her brother that Coruscant could be a real home. _Her_ home.

An urgent knock came from the other side of the door and Leia actually found herself jerking with shock at the suddenness of the sound. Her hand pulled at her hair so quickly that several strands that were tangled on the comb’s teeth came splintering off leaving a tender patch on the side of her scalp. She took a moment to cringe and touch the sore part of her head before remembering where her attention should be. 

“Yes, Threepio,” she called out as she set her comb aside. “Come in.”

Her bedroom door slid open and Threepio walked stiffly inside. His movements were a touch quicker than usual and Leia knew right away that something was wrong. “Forgive me, Mistress Leia,” Threepio said apologetically in a rushed tone of voice, “but I’ve just received an urgent communication.”

Leia felt her skin begin to prickle, a tremor running through her limbs as her muscles began to grow tense in anticipation. “What is it?” she asked, although a part of her already knew.

“I’m afraid it’s Master Luke,” he explained fretfully. “Apparently his X-Wing was found sending out a distress signal that was intercepted by an Alliance vessel.”

“Where is he?” Leia asked, already feeling the need to move even as she waited anxiously for Threepio’s response. “Is he alright?”

“He’s been checked into a medical facility on Thru’bon,” the droid offered. “His condition is stable, but-”

“We’ll need to leave right away,” Leia cut in. She was already heading towards the door before just as suddenly stopping herself. Leia abruptly remembered that her feet were bare and went back to fetch her boots from where she had placed them at the foot of her bed. She sat down on her mattress and impatiently shoved her left foot into her right boot. “Where are Han and Chewie?” Leia asked before tearing the shoe off and trying again.

“I believe they’re both at the space port.”

“Perfect,” she said, already strapping into her other boot. “Tell them we’re coming and to prepare the Falcon to depart immediately.”

*

“When we recognized who he was, we contacted you right away,” the administrator explained. “He was in a lot of pain when we found him, but he’s stable now.”

Leia nodded as she listened to the man speak. Despite her best efforts her head was still spinning as it had been for what felt like ages. The fingers on her left hand were twitching from where it lay firmly in the center of her chest as Leia repeatedly willed her heart to stay still long enough for her to hear everything clearly.

It hadn’t been necessary to communicate the situation’s urgency to Han and when she had arrived at the Falcon, both Han and Chewie greeted her with the same frantic energy that was still coursing through Leia’s body even now as they walked through the echoing halls of the medical facility. The trip to Thru’bon should have taken two days, but Han had managed to cut their time down to just over thirty hours. Distantly Leia was aware of how unsightly her appearance must have been, hair hastily re-braided, clothes unwashed after a long trip, and face tight with worry, but she couldn’t find the space to fully care. Her thoughts were firmly centered on Luke.

Thru’bon might as well have been located in the middle of nowhere given its isolated spot in the galaxy. It was an Alliance outpost that had never gotten much use over the years especially now that the Empire had been overthrown and the rebellion was mostly over. Leia didn’t know if it was coincidence or just dumb luck that Luke’s X-Wing had passed near enough to the planet for his signal to be received given the equally inactive nature of the trade routes in this particular part of the galaxy were. A part of her wanted to believe the Force had played some role in all this, but she reasoned it would be best to leave that bit of speculation up to Luke.

“His condition,” the administrator went on, a pinched look settling on his face as he seemed to debate whether or not he should delve any deeper. “Well, it caught us a bit off guard.”

Leia said nothing as her mouth pressed into a tight line while she leveled the man with a heavy gaze. Luke hadn’t been a proper member of the Alliance for some time so there had been no immediate need to report his pregnancy to anyone. Han, on the other hand, was still very much an active member in their ranks, but Leia had managed to pull some strings to have him placed on official family leave without actually classifying the reason behind it. Chewbacca’s assignments were typically tied back to Han, so it was just fortunate that he hadn’t been called away during Han’s leave. Since Leia was not connected to Luke in any official way, she had been forced to just duck and weave around her duties as best as she could until it wasn’t necessary anymore.

“Yeah, well it took us by surprise, too,” Han cut in, his dry remark not at all convincing given how high strung he still was. “Now, can we see him?”

“Well, General Solo, he’s resting right now,” the administrator began to explain, but Han was quick to brush that response aside.

“He’s had _two days_ to rest,” Han snapped. “We wanna see him now!”

Chewie punctuated Han’s demand with a sharp bark that edged too close on the side of openly threatening and Leia was quick to put a pointed hand on Han’s bicep in an attempt to reel him in. In her heart she was just as desperate to be near Luke and confirm with her own two eyes that he was alright, but she knew that making a scene wouldn’t help get them anywhere.

Leia supposed her own sense of urgency was lessened by the fact that she was now close enough to feel Luke’s presence again. She _felt_ that he was safe and whole, although deeply drained and that did a great deal to comfort her even if she still wanted more.

Still the administrator’s face grew flustered as he scrambled to think of just how to proceed. The air in the facility felt thick, a byproduct of the planet’s naturally muggy climate. The facility was crudely construction and had most certainly been swiftly cobbled together. They were in desperate need of repairs, but given that the base would most probably not be active for much longer they were unlikely to receive them. The Falcon had arrived on Thru’bon late at night and Leia wondered if the administrator was the only being active aside from the medical droids. Having their small mob come charging in was probably the most activity he had seen in hours and had likely thrown the man completely off guard.

“Would it be possible that you could make an exception?” she asked as reasonably as she could manage. “We’ve traveled a long way and… It’s just as General Solo said, this situation is just as strange to _us_ as it is to you. Seeing our friend would put us all at ease.”

The man seemed to hesitate for a moment, doubt and uncertainty churning in him, but at last he gave his head a quick nod. “I suppose it wouldn’t hurt,” he relented.

Given the structure’s small size, the march to the patient wing of the medical facility was gratefully brief. Most of the rooms seemed to be empty, although when they passed an open door or two there was the shadowy silhouette of a figure lying prone on a bed, indicating clearly that Luke was not the only patient they were currently treating. At last they reached the end of the hall where the administrator quickly entered the access code, granting them access into the darkened room. 

“Please. Be brief,” he asked gently before allowing them to step inside.

Seeing Luke lying in a medical cot wasn’t a new sight for any of them, but it would never be one that Leia grew accustomed to. His room was dark and still, his bed one of two narrow cots, but the only one that was currently occupied. Luke lay deep asleep, his back turned towards them and it was both comforting and upsetting to see that his figure was exactly the same as it had been weeks ago.

Han entered quickly, his steps light yet swift as he rounded the bed and crouched down on the side of the cot where Luke was facing. Leia crept inside, her footsteps consciously light. Once through the door she spotted Artoo’s prone figure stationed by Luke’s cot resting in low power mode. She had a strong feeling the droid hadn’t left his side since Luke had been checked in.

Threepio walked stiffly over to the astromech droid’s side and touched metal fingers to the top of Artoo’s dome. With a steady flash Artoo reactivated, but kept his beeps to a soft register as if already knowing that now would not be the time for disruptive noise. “Artoo, you did well taking care of Master Luke,” Threepio whispered to him. “It was fortunate you were with him.”

Artoo’s response was low and brief, but a part of Leia still felt anxious that the sounds and flashing light would disturb Luke. “Threepio, why don’t you take Artoo back to the Falcon for some power?” she suggested.

When Artoo beeped this time it was a bit sharper, his dome swirling almost stubbornly back in Luke’s direction, but Threepio was quick to reprimand him. “You know better than to disagree with the Princess, Artoo,” Threepio chastised softly. “Now come along and give Master Luke some time to rest.”

With a great deal of reluctance the astromech droid left the room, Threepio following stiffly behind him. Chewie shut the door after the droids, spreading a heavier blanket of darkness over the tiny suite.

“D’you think he’s been sedated?” Han asked. Leia turned to look at Luke’s face and the way Han was gently brushing his bangs aside. Even in the dark Leia could tell that there was something off about the way Luke was sleeping, his breathing too shallow with his jaw hanging slack and lips that seemed ready to chap from dryness. “You’d think he’d be awake by now.”

Leia frowned as she eased herself into the empty metal chair that was propped against the wall where Artoo had previously been. Leaning over slightly, she peered through the dark to see if she could make out any movement from behind Luke’s eyelids, but her vision was still adjusting. She could feel that his consciousness was buried down deep inside of himself as if Luke were purposely willing himself not to wake up. A small shiver coursed through her as Leia scrutinized her brother’s prone figure. There was no question in her mind that something had happened during his time away from them, a presence or an encounter of some kind had done this to him, but Leia couldn’t wrap her mind on what could possibly have left Luke so withdrawn. 

Leia closed her eyes and reached out to him, willing herself to focus more than she ever had in the past. Again frustration filled her as she struggled to grasp at anything, her fleeting abilities already feeling rusty from lack of use. Her training had fallen by the wayside after Luke’s previous disappearance months ago and the days she had spent with Luke on Coruscant had been too full for even a brief refresher course. Yet Leia felt confident that her natural connection with Luke would be enough to carry her forward. Their bond had been forged long before and they knew each other’s names and over time Leia found the closer they were, the stronger that connection became.

Leia took a breath and pressed her lips together, her jaw clenching and brow furrowing in concentration as she pushed aside the heavy fog in order to find Luke. She felt something sharp and cold surrounding him like jagged icicles jutting out in every turn. Moving past them was difficult, the biting chill seeming to seep into her skin and making her teeth chatter as she pushed on. There were flashes of images all around, shapeless and hard to grasp, yet filled with loneliness and despair. Leia tried to make sense of them, to take a closer look and perhaps get some kind of clue as to what had caused Luke to retreat so deeply, but the memories moved too rapidly and flickered like a distorted holo projection whenever see tried to study them. A twinge began to build between her eyes as a dull numbness seeped into the tips of her fingers and sank to her knuckles. Leia knew that she couldn’t dwell on it, because whatever the images meant it wasn’t vital now.

It seemed like forever before Luke’s presence reached hers, but she found it, a beacon of light dulled by a thick layer of frost. She reached out to brush aside the ice, the little crystals scraping against a numbing palm, but after a few layers were wiped away she began to feel his warmth distant and almost reluctant, yet gradually building the longer she lingered. 

At last Leia opened her eyes again, half expecting to see her vaporized breath hanging in the air when she let out the sigh that had been choking her for so long. Gradually the chill eased from her fingers and Leia felt her heart fill with relief when she heard Luke begin to stir.

The pressure was still there, lingering right between her eyes as her body sagged heavily against the stiff arms of her chair, but Leia didn’t look away, choosing instead to watch Luke with anxious brown eyes. She watched as the sheets rustled slightly, Luke’s movements sluggish and simple at first as his hands slowly began to twitch beneath the fold of his blankets. Han reached out and grasped his bare left hand, cradling it between his own broad palms as their eyes met. Her vision had adjusted well enough to the dark that the slight glow from the medical equipment lining the walls was enough illumination for her. She could see now how pale Luke’s skin appeared, the color looking a bit drained even in the gloom of the chamber and she wondered if his skin was as frosty as she suspected. Leia looked down at her fingers, resting heavily in her lap and still trembling with the lingering sensation of ice. She frowned and flexed her hands a few times, willing the warmth back into her fingers before she stood and walked over to Han’s side in order to gain a better view of Luke’s eyes as they sluggishly crawled open.

“Hey kid,” Han whispered encouragingly. His smile was so warm, so genuine and Leia had a feeling Han was too filled with relief to put on any type of pretense in that moment.

“Han…” The name slipped out of Luke’s mouth like a breath, so low that Leia could barely hear it. 

There was a warm presence at her back as Chewie came to stand behind her and she was glad when his large hand came to rest on her shoulder. The small bit of his fur against her body was doing wonders to ward off the chill and if it wouldn’t look so odd, Leia might have been tempted to stand up straighter and press her back flush against the Wookie’s chest.

“That’s right, it’s me,” Han grinned as he took a moment to press the tip of Luke’s fingers to his lips. She caught the slight crinkle on his forehead in response to the gesture, no doubt catching the hint of cold on Luke’s skin. “Don’t worry about anything kid. We’re gonna take you home.”

“Home?” Luke croaked out as if it were a word he couldn’t recognize. His foggy blue eyes slipped shut and for a moment Leia thought he had drifted back to sleep. Yet when his mouth pressed together and his brow knitted slightly, Leia knew he was still awake. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Han told him instantly. His hands were now rubbing at Luke’s fingers in a vigorous manner, as if he were trying to both ward off the chill and pull Luke further into consciousness. “You don’t have to be sorry.”

Leia stayed silent as the dull pinch in her mind seemed to grow, throbbing distractingly as gravity seemed to pull heavily at her body. She wanted desperately to say something, but in that moment she was just too tired to speak and too weak to even put forth the effort of projecting feelings towards her twin.

Instead she watched silently as Luke’s head seemed to sink further into the thin pillow beneath him, his eyes squeezing tight until a sliver of a tear slipped out and rolled down the bridge of his nose. “I hurt her,” Luke carried on, speaking the words unabated. “I don’t know why I did it, but… I hurt her.”

Han glanced over his shoulder at Leia, his expression wracked with confusion as he searched her face to see if there was any chance she understood what Luke was saying. Leia could only shake her head, feeling just as lost. Even through the pain in her mind Leia couldn’t recall the administrator mentioning that there had anything medically wrong with either Luke or the baby. Weak as she was Leia couldn’t sense that either was in any sort of physical pain, but Luke did seem to be holding something in, something cold and sharp that was filled him with self-doubt and despair. There had been so much frost inside of him, the icicles too sharp and deep for Leia to pry them all away and whatever it was that haunted him would take time to remove. 

“It’s okay,” Han whispered, returning his attention back to Luke’s lost uncertain expression. “It’s going to be okay. Just… go back to sleep.”

Luke didn’t show any sign that he understood, his only response was for his face to turn slack as his eyes slipped shut once again. 

*

Somehow the trip back home was filled with even more strained tension that their initial journey to Thru’bon. The frantic rush of panic and worry that had sent them charging towards the distant planet was now gone and the only thing left was weariness and a kind of heavy silence that was growing more familiar with each passing day. 

The droids were content at least. Reunited once more, the two had quickly fallen back into their old pattern of exchanging barbs and bickering over every minor detail. It was the only comfort that could be found, even with Luke back in their company.

Leia sighed and touched a hand to her temple. After several hours and a few glasses of water the pain had finally subsided, but the concern still lingered as she attempted to wrap her head around what she had witnessed in Luke’s mind. Those images troubled her, their sharp distortion unlike anything she had ever seen. It was almost as if Luke was purposely trying to push them away, but despite his best efforts they kept trying to reassemble themselves.

_What happened to you?_ Leia thought, the words circling in and out of her mind again and again. _What did you put yourself through?_

From her spot in the left passenger seat of the Falcon’s cockpit, Leia caught the grumbling sigh building in Han’s throat as he stared out the view screen at the stars streaking by them. She didn’t have to tap into the Force to feel the nervous energy churning inside of him, his constant fidgets and huffs were enough of an indicator for anyone. After a moment Han seemed to give into something as he shifted in the pilot seat and turned towards Chewbacca who had been checking on a few of the displays on the control panel.

“Chewie, do me a favor and go check on Luke, will ya?” Han asked, giving into the urge that had likely been crawling at him for a good few hours.

“There’s no need to check on him. He’s sleeping,” Leia said, but even as she spoke Chewie was already leaving the co-pilot seat and walking towards the cabin where they had placed Luke.

He had been fast asleep when they brought him on board, the deep fog that Leia had pushed aside reforming almost from the moment his eyes had slipped shut again, but this time the self-imposed sleep was not nearly as deep. The Thru’bon medical droids had given them a prescription for him, a few capsules for Luke to take if the pain managed to resurface. Leia had asked of course what effect, if any, they would have on the baby and both the droids and the facility’s administrator had assured her it was safe. Leia didn’t believe them, but accepted the medication anyway. She knew there was nothing medically wrong with Luke, but also suspected that even if there were the droids wouldn’t have anything in their programming that would tell them what treatments would be needed. 

The door to the cockpit hissed shut behind Chewie and Leia took the opportunity to unfasten her seatbelt and slip into the now vacant co-pilot seat. Han looked even more wound up now that she was right beside him, his whole face drawn into a tight line as he did his best not to meet her gaze. A part of Leia still wanted to be angry at him for driving Luke off in the first place, but she decided to put that temptation aside and instead placed her hand against his bicep, offering him a reassuring squeeze.

“You don’t have to worry about him,” Leia told him. “He’s fine. They both are.”

Han huffed and shifted in his seat. For a moment Leia thought he would brush her hand aside, but he seemed to consciously keep himself within her grasp. “Yeah, well, he doesn’t look fine to me,” he grumbled. Leia watched as Han crossed his left leg over his right knee and wrapped his arms around his middle, before seeming to reconsider and undoing the position in order to look her way. “You were doing something to him back at the facility,” Han said, his eyes holding that suspicious, knowing gleam that he got whenever the Force was involved. “You were in his head, right? What did you see?”

“I don’t know,” Leia told him. Han frowned in obvious displeasure at the answer. Leia sighed and started again. “It wasn’t clear. All I can know for sure is that he saw something, something that scared him and still haunts him. I think he’s either trying to hide himself from it or attempting to meditate in order to find an answer to it.”

The frown deepened at the answer, Han’s shoulders slumping as he sank back into the seat’s stiff back. The answer hadn’t given him much comfort, but Leia knew that Han wouldn’t have been satisfied with anything less than the exact truth. Han sighed and placed a hand over his eyes, every inch of him appearing tired and drained the further his body sagged. “He said he hurt her,” Han said, his words low and somewhat distant. “He must’ve meant the baby. Do you think…? Is that what he saw?”

Her body grew stiff from head to her feet at the question. Leia had suspected as much when she heard Luke’s mumbled words, but even after hours of processing she still felt a sour heaviness filling her stomach at the thought. “I… I don’t know,” she confessed. “I couldn’t see what he saw.”

The all too familiar quiet filled the cockpit once again. Leia drew her hands together and frowned down at her palms. The numbness had left her fingers, the imagined cuts now completely healed, but she still remembered the sensation of it all. A part of Leia still found herself tempted to reach out to Luke, to take another look into his mind and try to make sense of it all, but even as she sat in the oppressive silence of the cabin she knew that it would be better to just allow Luke to rest.

“This whole thing has been a mess right from the start,” Han sighed, his broad fingers massaging the sides of his face before slipping away.

Leia’s lips twitched, the phantom hint of a smile pulling at her cheek muscles, before quickly slipping away. It was an understatement to be certain, but one that Leia certainly agreed with. She was starting to get the feeling that it was never meant to be simple, that there was no possible way that they could have managed something so complicated in a straight forward manner.

“I guess, I can’t really be too mad at him,” Leia conceded. “If I were in his place I’d probably be just as scared and afraid.”

“Nah, you’d be fine.” Again the makings of a smile pulled at her, but never fully formed as she properly shifted her gaze in Han’s direction. His hand had slipped away from his eyes and somehow something close to a genuine grin had managed to form on his features. “You know, the more I think about it, the more I’m convinced he’s got it easy,” Han went on. “You and me? We’ve got the hard part of this.”

“Oh, really?” Leia scoffed as her brow arched in amusement. “You think so?”

“Yeah,” Han said completely unperturbed. His words were filled with false bravado, but Leia could tell he was being honest. “We’re the ones chasing after him, worrying all the time, while he does whatever he wants.”

This time her lips actually did manage to twist into a grin as a small laugh managed to escape her. “I’m sure you’ll feel very differently when you’re in the delivery room with him,” Leia noted smugly. “In fact, I would love to see you tell him just how easy he has it while he’s in the middle of giving birth to your child.”

Han had the good sense to look sheepish then, taking a moment to adjust himself well enough to properly shrug his shoulders. “Well, fine, that’s definitely going to be the hardest part,” he relented. “But even if I were fool enough to say it then, you wouldn’t be there to hear it.” 

“That’s where you’re wrong, flyboy,” she told him plainly. 

“What? Did he say he wanted you there?”

“No, he didn’t,” she admitted, “but if you think I won’t be right by my brother’s side in that delivery room, then you’ve got another thing coming.” 

For a moment Han was silent, almost thoughtful, but it only lasted a minute before he began to chuckle. The sound was tight, a touch strained, but somehow it was infectious enough that Leia found herself following suit laughing not out of humor, but simply to give herself something a touch normal to do. It was strange how long it had been since she had allowed herself to laugh, and once the light hearted moment had passed she felt herself sag, suddenly feeling heavy and drained all over again. 

Leia sighed and touched a hand to her cheek, rubbing away the slight dampness the laughter had pried from her eyes. “We have to start fixing this,” Leia told him. “When Luke wakes up… when we bring him home we have to make things right.”

Han took in a long breath and let it out slow and steadily. “Yeah, you’re right,” he grumbled. “But, it’s not as if I haven’t tried.”

“I know you tried. We both have, but we went about it wrong. Well intentioned, but ultimately wrong.” Leia shifted, pushing herself upright and resting her left elbow on her armrest in order to face Han as best as she could manage. “We focused too much on keeping him planted, on making him give us the answers that we wanted, but we didn’t really listen to him. Right from the start Luke was telling us that he was scared and confused but… we didn’t want to hear it. We need to listen. We need to be honest… _I_ need to be honest.”

It was obvious that Han agreed with her, his thoughtful silence saying as much as he sat and seemed to consider everything and nothing all at once. He kept sighing and breathing deeply, rubbing at his chin as his eyes scrolled across the streaking stars. “Well, what do you suggest?”

“For starters, as soon as we get back to Coruscant, I’ll be calling a decorator.”

“A decorator?” Han echoed incredulously. 

Leia nodded. “The baby needs a lot of things, and even if you and Luke aren’t planning to stick around, I refuse to have my niece spending the first few days of her life sleeping in a box at the foot of your bed. You and I will make things easier for Luke by handling most of the details ourselves.”

Han huffed, rolling his eyes in an exaggerated manner. “Fine, if it’ll make things easier on him,” he relented. Still Han managed to groan and suck at his teeth. “Why does it suddenly feel like you an’ me are the ones havin’ this kid?”

Leia chuckled and offered Han a very wry smile. “You only wish you were so lucky, Solo.”


	8. Chapter 8

For a moment Han felt himself hesitate as his hand hovered over the door’s control panel. The habit had started after they had returned from Thru’bon, the lingering memories of all the “incidents” that had stemmed from him barging in unannounced still present in his mind, and Han took the opportunity to correct himself by giving a few quick, but hefty raps on the door. This time Han made sure that he listened carefully for the response before entering. 

He wasn’t surprised to see Luke in bed when he entered the guest room, because he had spent the last few days there. It was more surprising to see that Luke was sitting upright, the sheets neatly folded beneath him as he sat with his legs crossed while studying the screen of a datapad. Luke lifted his head to greet Han and it was the most alert that he had been in days and Han was just grateful to see some light back in the Jedi’s eyes.

Han smiled over at Luke who returned the gesture with a somewhat pained grimace when his gaze landed on the tray Han had been carrying in his hands. “Is that more soup?” Luke asked hesitantly, no doubt already well aware of the answer.

“Fresh off the stove,” Han confirmed. Luke’s expression grew a touch strained as Han brought the bowl closer, the smell now more potent with the tray practically right beneath his nose. “You’ll be happy to know there’s a whole pot waiting for you when you’re done with this serving.”

Luke gave a tight lipped laugh, reluctant to open his mouth or breathe any deeper than was strictly necessary. Yet still he put his datapad aside and allowed Han to rest the tray on the bedding in front of his folded legs. Han’s gaze darted briefly over to the screen and saw that it displayed some of the layout options that Leia’s decorator had come up with for the small nursery that would soon be assembled in the corner of their bedroom. He couldn’t remember when Leia had shown the designs to Luke, but he suspected she had likely done so earlier in the day before departing the penthouse to attend one of her meetings. 

Han felt a small twinge build in the back of his eyes at the memory of reviewing patterns and examining paint swatches with Leia. He didn’t think decorating for a baby could be so complicated, but an affluent planet like Coruscant had a tendency to make even the simplest things more difficult. Han was just grateful that he had spared Luke the headache of dealing with any of it, although he had a feeling the Jedi would have been quite amused by the decorator’s constant misconception that Han and _Leia_ were the parents to be, a falsehood that the two still hadn’t managed to fully dismiss from the woman’s mind. 

“I guess I can’t really complain,” Luke said, drawing Han’s attention back to the matter in front of them. He watched as Luke made the unfortunate mistake of sighing and inhaling the soup’s pungent aroma, a small cough catching in his throat as a result. “It’s just Chewie’s way of saying he’s glad to have me back.”

“I’m sure he’ll appreciate that sentiment more if you eat up,” Han teased. 

“You’re right,” he smirked. “Plus, this stuff is a lot harder to eat when it’s cold.”

Han smiled and gave Luke’s leg a slight nudge. “Well, don’t tell Chewie, but I snuck you a small treat.” Han shifted his sleeve, the gesture causing the bar of chocolate he had hidden there to slide into his palm. Luke’s eyes widened, a look of quiet gratitude spreading across his features as Han tucked the treat beneath one of the pillows for safe keeping. “Call it a reward for good behavior.”

Luke bowed his head, the merriment quickly evaporating from his features as he gripped his spoon between tense fingers. “If that’s the case, then I don’t think I deserve it. Not after the way I acted.”

Han frowned and placed a comforting hand on top of Luke’s knee. Even through the layers of clothing Han could tell that his skin was starting to feel warmer than it had in days, a comforting thought that made him want to lean in and kiss Luke, but he held himself back. Now wasn’t the time to be pawing all over him. “You don’t need to keep beating yourself up,” Han told him. He offered Luke’s thigh a supportive rub, his own fingers enjoying the feel of the firm muscles beneath them, a reminder that Luke was really back, was starting to become more of himself instead of the quiet, sleeping figure that he had been these past few days. “Yeah you were wrong, but you weren’t the only one.”

No response came. Instead Luke stayed silent as he brushed the pad of his thumb against the smooth metal base of his spoon. Han could tell his mind was swirling back towards something and even if it wasn’t the best idea, Han found that he couldn’t stop himself from asking the question that had been on the tip of his tongue for days. “What happened out there? Where did you go?”

This time Luke did look at him, his eyes wide with reluctance and guilt, but it only lasted a moment before Luke decided that meeting Han’s gaze was just too difficult. “I, uh, think you already know where I was.”

Han frowned as he lowered himself to sit across from Luke. “Ahch-To?”

Luke nodded and Han felt his frown deepen. He and Leia had discussed it, had drawn the same conclusion, but to hear it out loud and straight from Luke’s mouth sent the feelings stirring inside of him. Han felt the hand on Luke’s leg grow tight, flexing with unspoken frustration and he consciously pulled it back, placing his hand on top of his own leg where it curled naturally into a fist.

“It was just as I’d told you before,” Luke went on. “I hadn’t been planning to go, not really. A part of me had been tempted to leave before the baby was born, but I _knew_ I shouldn’t. Then we had that fight and…” He shook his head. “Everyone doubted me; you, Leia, Chewie, even the droids! None of you seemed to have any faith that I would stay put and then when we blew up at each other… It was stupid, but I just gave in. I decided to be as reckless and unstable as everyone seemed to think. I know it wasn’t a good motive, but…” Luke sighed and placed a hand on the base of his stomach. “It’s cheap, but I have to admit _this_ does make me crazy sometimes.”

“Yeah,” Han grumbled as he rubbed his tense fist against the side of his own leg. “Yeah, well my excuse for being stupid and crazy isn’t nearly as good. When I thought you were lying it drove me nuts. I just wanted to make sure you were safe, you an’ the baby. I shoulda trusted you, but… I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I made you feel like I was pressuring you to do this or that. I promise I’ll never make you feel that way again. I’ll listen, _really listen_ this time and if you say back off, I’ll back off.”

A smile spread across Luke’s face, watery yet tight and Han could tell from the way that his eyes were rapidly blinking that he was fighting to control something. “Han,” Luke whispered, pushing out his name with a huff of air. He laughed and wiped the heel of his palm against his dry eyes before looking back at Han, his gaze now a bit glassy and red rimmed. “This… this is going to sound dumb, but… will you hold me?” 

Even though he knew better, Han found himself chuckling as he pushed the tray aside and shifted closer towards Luke, closing the space between them. He had expected their hug to be brief, just a tight squeeze before parting, but instead Luke clung to him with a strange sort of intensity that was so unlike him as he buried his face against Han’s shoulders. Luke’s bulging stomach made finding a comfortable position difficult, but Han did his best to return the embrace that the Jedi clearly needed. 

Several quiet seconds passed between them as Han just sat back and enjoyed the fact that Luke was actually here again. It was strange to sit tangled together like this, because Luke had never been the type to seek out affection or even cling to it when it was offered, but he was warm and solid in Han’s arms and the feel of his hair against his cheek gave Han a sort of comfort. He sighed and ran his fingers up and down Luke’s back. The material of his tunic was thin enough that he could feel the warmth of his skin and the ridges of his spine, so oddly soothing to touch.

“I’m glad you’re back,” Han whispered to him, pressing his nose against the side of Luke’s scalp. He took a breath and allowed his scent to fill his nose, holding it there greedily in his lungs. Luke’s hair always had a way of smelling like a warm summer breeze, no doubt a lingering effect of all those years in the desert, but to Han it smelled more like home. “I… I really missed you.”

Han hadn’t expected the comment to produce anything more than a soft laugh, yet it seemed to weaken whatever grip Luke held over his emotions. His own body began to stiffen as he felt the Jedi’s shoulder begin to quiver, hot tears falling from his eyes and crawling down his cheeks before bleeding into Han’s shirt. Luke’s fingers were practically digging into him, his arms coiled so tightly around Han that he felt certain he wouldn’t be able to push away even if he wanted to, and the unexpected intensity was nearly frightening.

“Hey,” Han started uncertainly as he continued to rub soothing circles into Luke’s back. “Hey, it’s okay kid. Everything’s alright.”

“Han,” Luke sobbed, his words muffled and uneven as he spoke. He didn’t bother to lift his head from its place on Han’s shoulder, but his grip did relax a bit which gave Han some relief. “I was wrong. I was wrong about everything.”

Carefully untangling himself from Luke’s arms was more difficult than it should have been, but after some effort Han managed to grab Luke by the shoulders and pull them apart. Luke didn’t meet his gaze, his chin dropping down against his chest as he continued to sob, completely unabated. It felt so strange, so wrong to see Luke this way, his emotions out and on full display, all thoughts of Jedi like composure completely evaporating the longer he sat there. “What happened? Talk to me.”

Luke lifted his head, but his eyes were darting everywhere except in Han’s direction. Han watched as Luke attempted to take a shallow breath, struggling to speak as he seemed to relive something too hard and terrible. Han suddenly recalled his conversation with Leia during their flight back from Thru’bon. She had spoken about something haunting Luke, something he had been trying to get away from and a chill ran up Han’s spine at the knowledge that he had somehow managed to bring all those feelings back up when Luke had been so close to moving past it.

“When I was on Ahch-To,” Luke began, his voice strained as the tears continued to flow freely from his tired eyes. His voice was coming out breathless and rushed, his throat seeming to constrict around each word as it struggled to pass through. “I had this vision. There was an old man and a girl. The old man was me and the girl… the girl was our baby. She didn’t know me Han. She didn’t… she came to look for me, but she didn’t know I was her father.” 

An uneven breath escaped from Luke as he pulled away, sliding off of the bed. Han watched as Luke took several steps before burying his face in his palms. A cold tremor spread through him as anxious confusion fluttered in the confines of his chest. Watching the Jedi unravel was in such contrast to the composed man he had become in the past few years, yet Han felt certain that it was important to let Luke let out everything he had been feeling so he sat back and did his best to just listen.

“I drove her away,” Luke sobbed. “I don’t know why I did it. I don’t know what made me, but _I_ did it. I pushed our daughter away.”

“It was just a vision,” Han reasoned. “You’ve told me a hundred times that Jedi can’t predict the future.”

“But it felt real! It was all so real.” Luke’s hands fell from his face to wrap themselves around his upper half, gloved fingers digging into his biceps as the Jedi’s whole body began to tremble. Even though Luke’s back was turned towards him, Han could imagine that his eyes were still bouncing, darting about wildly as they fought off the lingering memories of his encounter. “It was different from what happened to me and Leia. We didn’t know… we were separated against our will to protect us, but what I did to her I did consciously knowing how _painful_ it would be. And she was so lonely. She had no one! Why would I…?”

“Maybe she didn’t have ‘no one,’” Han jumped in. Luke’s frantic energy was becoming too much for him to quietly accept and Han suddenly found himself overcome with the need to move. He pushed himself off the bedding in order to stand beside Luke. Han pressed his hand against Luke’s shoulder in a gesture he had hoped would ground him a bit, but Luke didn’t look at Han, still too wrapped in the clutches of memory to even acknowledge Han’s presence. “Maybe I was there for her?”

Luke shook his head. “No. She called me ‘Master Skywalker.’ She knew me second hand, through stories from strangers.” 

Luke took a breath, the air coming out of him slow and unsteady as he turned his gaze back towards Han. His eyes had grown wider, redder and his whole face looked so young and vulnerable. Seeing Luke so uncertain and shaken felt familiar in a distant sort of way, close to what it had been like after they had left the Death Star the first time and Luke had watched Ben die at Vader’s hands, but in this moment it was different, because Luke was questioning everything he had learned since then. 

“I’m so sorry Han,” Luke told him, rattling off words as if overwhelmed by the need to speak and fill the air around them. “I’m sorry I left and that I made you feel like you needed to tell me something when you weren’t ready for it.” He stepped closer and wrapped his arms around Han again, his stomach digging into Han’s midsection as his muscular arms crushed Han close against him. “I was so stupid and so wrong and you were right about everything!”

“Not everything.”

“Yes, everything,” Luke insisted. His voice was muffled, but his words kept coming out in a frantic rush. Han wanted to run his fingers through Luke’s hair, but his body was shuddering so furiously that Han could hardly do more than just hold onto him. “Everything that I thought, everything that I’ve done up until now… if it could lead me to being that person… I _never_ want to be him. I don’t want to tear our family apart. I want to stay here and I want to marry you and whatever you say I’ll do.”

“Wait a minute!” Han grabbed Luke’s shoulders and yanked the two of them apart, the gesture a bit rougher than necessary, but in that moment he was certain that Luke had completely lost his mind. “Now you’re talking crazy.”

“No, I…” Luke frowned and gave his head a shake. “Nothing makes sense anymore!”

“And throwing everything you worked for away makes even _less sense_!” Han snapped. Han sighed and grabbed Luke’s face in his hands, steadying the wide eyed gaze in his direction. “Look, this isn’t a game where one of us has to lose so the other can win. I don’t wanna control you and I sure as hell don’t wanna marry you jus’ cause some vision has your head scrambled.”

“I’m not saying I want to marry you because I’ve lost my mind!” Luke sighed in exasperation as if _Han_ had been the one talking nonsense this whole time. “I want to marry you because I love you and because I understand now. Before I couldn’t understand why you would want to marry me, why you would give up your life and your freedom so easily, but now I see you didn’t ask me because it was easy. You asked because it was hard and sometimes the hardest things are the _right_ things. I was scared because I thought I’d changed you, that I somehow manipulated you into being a person you didn’t _want_ to be, but you _want to be_ this new person with me and the baby, because you love me, because you love _us_.”

“Okay,” Han relented, taking a step back and releasing Luke’s face from his grasp. “ _That_ you got right. I… I do _love_ you. I love you and I love her and I want us to be a family, but all that stupid stuff I said before about you staying with the baby… that was me being dumb and crazy. You can have a life and be a Jedi, but still have a family with me. Maybe that version of you didn’t understand all that and it drove him to do those things, or maybe it was something else altogether. All I know is that the Luke I love shouldn’t just abandon his beliefs because something scared him.”

“I don’t understand how I can do it,” Luke sighed. His hands fell to either side of his stomach, not quite touching his protruding middle as he stared down at himself with lingering uncertainly. Han wondered not for the first time how well Luke could actually see the baby. He had said in the past that the Force had allowed him to see the shape of her, but Han wondered if Luke could make out her position and know exactly where she was resting within him. After all that the Jedi had seen and put himself through, it was likely harder for him to look at the baby. “How can I be a Jedi and be a father? No one’s done it before. What if I do hurt her? What if I still end up making things worse by trying to be everything that everyone wants me to be at once?”

“First of all, I won’t let any of that happen,” Han pointed out. “I’m not gonna let you hurt our kid or yourself. Second, maybe no one did it before, but you’re gonna do it now. You’ll do your best, because that’s what you always do.”

Luke didn’t look any less lost or uncertain, but Han hadn’t been expecting him to. Han stepped over to him, wrapping his arms around Luke and pulled him close, holding the smaller man against him comfortably. The Jedi’s shoulders felt ridged, the deep muscles pulled taught beneath his skin even as Han ran his hands up and down his back. In a lot of ways it was more for his own comfort than Luke’s, but he didn’t let that thought stop him. Han knew that he needed this, needed to just hold Luke there and feel his warmth. 

Every part of this situation had been crazy and the closer they got to the end the more Han began to realize there was no way it could have been easy. Yet Han couldn’t help wanting this, wanting Luke and this baby. Even if everything was complicated and confusing Han still wanted to be a part of this strange family he had found himself in the middle of. He pressed a firm kiss to Luke’s temple and was pleased when at last the tension finally seeped from the younger man’s shoulders.

“We’re gonna get through this,” Han whispered. “We’re gonna be okay.”

He didn’t need to hear Luke speak or see him shake his head to know that the Jedi didn’t believe him, not really, but for once Han found that _he needed_ to believe in something that seemed so impossible. Wherever this baby came from it was theirs now. Even if a day came that Han found out the kid didn’t share a single drop of his blood, he knew in his heart that he wouldn’t care.

Luke’s gloved hands slid up Han’s sides, settling comfortably at the small of his back before resting a cheek against Han’s shoulders. Han could feel Luke gradually start to relax, the desperation still lingering in his touch, but the grip was far from the vice like hold from before. “You finally told me you love me,” Luke laughed, the curl of his lips obvious from where it rested on Han’s shoulder.

A quick huff escaped him as Han rolled his eyes at the comment. “Yeah, well,” he grumbled. “It gets easier with time I guess. ‘Sides it figures _you’d_ say yes to me now when I don’t even have the ring with me.”

Luke responded with a sharp, snort of a laugh and Han didn’t think his comment warranted _that_ sort of reaction. “You actually had a ring?”

“Course I had a ring!” Han told him. “What kinda bum do you think I am that I’d propose and not get you a ring first?”

This time when Luke closed the space between them his hold wasn’t nearly as tight, his arms wrapping easily around Han’s waist and resting his head contentedly on his shoulder. “I love you.”

Han chuckled. “Love you, too.”

*

The sound of the door panel sliding open with a soft hiss drew Leia’s gaze away from the files spread out across her desk. She smiled as she watched Luke enter her office accompanied closely by Artoo. 

“Sorry we’re late,” Luke said. “I had a bit of trouble getting out the door.” His words came out in a slightly breathless huff as he rested his gloved hand pointedly on top of his stomach to emphasize his meaning. 

His stomach had certainly grown quite a bit recently. His whole midsection seemed to have doubled since they had returned to Coruscant, hanging so low that walking was likely not only awkward but a touch painful. During the last examine with the medical droid he had estimated that Luke would deliver in the next few weeks, but if he went beyond that loose time frame then he would need to be induced. 

The thought had troubled Leia and Han, but Luke didn’t seem at all phased by it. “That’s not going to be necessary,” he had said confidently. It hadn’t really been Jedi serenity coloring his words, but something very close to it. “The baby will come naturally.”

“So you’ve already given her the eviction notice?” Han had said teasingly to which Luke had responded with a short laugh.

“Let’s just say we have an understanding,” Luke corrected and Leia just remembered shaking her head at the thought.

Leia smiled warmly as Threepio ushered Luke towards one of the seats across from her desk. Somehow inviting him down to her office was simpler than speaking with him directly at home. Putting the conversation off for as long as she had wasn’t exactly ideal, but a part of her simply couldn’t bear to have this discussion knowing that Han and Chewbacca were near and likely to interrupt them at a moment’s notice. 

“May I get you anything, Master Luke?” Threepio asked, his voice polite and fretful as always, although he seemed a bit more eager than usual as he waited expectantly for Luke’s response. “Something to eat? A glass of water perhaps?”

“No thank you, Threepio,” Luke said, a weary smile curling his lips as he sat gingerly in the stiff arms of the chair. Already his hands were caressing his swollen midsection, rubbing at the low hanging belly pressing heavily into his naturally narrow hips. Despite that, Luke’s grin didn’t waver as he continued to shake his head at Threepio’s stiff form. “I’m fine.”

The comment didn’t seem to suit the protocol droid, who took a moment to consider something before trying again. “Would you like me to adjust the temperature for you, sir? It is a bit drafty in here. That is… unless you’re feeling warm after your long walk.”

“I’m perfectly comfortable,” he insisted, the smile still lingering although with a touch more strain. “Thank you!”

Threepio’s ridged upper body straightened itself and already Leia could see he was doing his best to come up with another service he could offer. The poor protocol droid had been bending over backwards to be accommodating to Luke ever since they had returned from Thru’bon and Leia suspected it had everything to do with the guilt he still carried, believing himself to be the cause of Luke’s disappearance. Despite Luke assuring Threepio that the situation had been in no way his doing and saying repeatedly that there was no ill feelings, the droid still seemed to have it in his circuits that there was something he _owed_ to Luke in order to make things right. Bringing Threepio along with her during her day to day duties had been Leia’s way to relieve Luke from _some_ of the droid’s good natured doting, but inviting Luke here had the unfortunate side effect of bringing the Jedi right back into Threepio’s overly attentive gaze. 

“Actually, Threepio,” Leia suggested, “why don’t you head down to the cafeteria and bring us some tea.”

Luke smiled gratefully in Leia’s direction, instantly seeing where her train of thought had been heading. “That sounds like a good idea,” he said brightly. “And while you’re down there maybe I will have something to eat. Something light? Why don’t you bring Artoo along? He can help you.”

Artoo gave a few quick beeps and Leia sensed it was the droid’s way of saying he would prefer to stay, but as always Threepio was quick to correct him. “You heard Master Luke, he wants us to get him something to eat,” Threepio said hurriedly as he ushered Artoo towards the door. The two droids left the office, debating back and forth about what sort of snack they thought Luke would prefer, and Leia watched with no short amount of amusement as Luke visibly relaxed into the arms of his chair.

“Alone at last,” he sighed half teasingly as he rested his hands on top of his stomach. 

“They mean well,” Leia grinned. 

“I know, but honestly I’m not sure which is worse: Artoo shadowing me everywhere I go or Threepio standing at my elbows with a handkerchief in case I sneeze!”

The laugh that came from her was quieter and a touch more strained than she had expected it to be. Artoo had certainly been doing his best to watch over Luke these last few days, going as far as to wait outside Luke’s door even while he slept. Leia still wasn’t sure what had happened to Luke that had resulted in him winding up on Thru’bon, but she reasoned that he would tell her in his own time. Han knew now, but he hadn’t said anything to Leia. It was a bit frustrating that Han knew something about her own brother that she didn’t, but Leia had learned not to push too hard when it came to Luke. He would tell her, maybe not today or tomorrow, but sooner or later the truth would come out. Whatever it was, it had been enough to shake up Artoo and that certainly wasn’t a good sign.

Leia stood from her desk, data files and political duties completely forgotten as she came to sit beside Luke in the chair neighboring his own. “I’m glad you came,” she told him sincerely as she rested her hand against the cold metal arm of his seat. “There’s something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about and… Well, I thought it would be best to discuss it in private.”

Luke nodded, adjusting himself so that he was sitting a bit straighter. The chair was more for show than actual comfort and a part of Leia regretted not having something with more back support to offer Luke, but she knew already that if she brought it up, he would just dismiss it. 

“I have a feeling I know what you’re going to say,” Luke said as he placed a gloved hand gently on top of hers. Her fingers had always looked so small and spindly beneath his, but Luke’s swollen hands seemed to dwarf them even further. “But I won’t interrupt you. I see this is something you need to get out in the open.”

Leia smiled in thanks as she took a minute to gather her thoughts. Enough time had passed that Leia had managed to prepare herself properly for this moment, the words already carefully selected and waiting on the tip of her tongue. The tricky part was pushing them out into the world and bracing herself for what was to come after. 

“That day I spoke to you about our mother,” she began. “There was more that I wanted to discuss. Well, not so much discuss as share really. You see, it’s true that Padme Amidala’s death was considered an unexpected tragedy at the time of her passing, but I was able to do some digging and found out what might have caused it.” Luke’s fingers tightened slightly around her hand as he offered Leia a quick nod, but gave no verbal response. Sure enough he was keeping to his word to let her speak. That knowledge was both comforting and a bit overwhelming. “She was pregnant at the time that she died. She didn’t tell anyone, not even when her condition became obvious. It was speculated that her death and her pregnancy were unrelated, but… I have a feeling she died in childbirth.”

Understanding slowly fell upon Luke as his fingers loosened their hold for half a moment while his eyes sank towards the ground. “When did you learn this?”

“A month before you came to Volarus,” she confessed. “I didn’t tell you then because…”

“It wouldn’t have been the right time,” he concluded.

Leia nodded. “I wanted to say something so many times, but I just …”

“I know,” Luke said. “I had sensed that there was something you wanted to discuss with me, but I didn’t push it. It was obvious that you were looking for the right time, but if I had known that it was about this…” Luke sighed and pulled his gaze back in Leia’s direction, his other hand going to cradle hers as he stared into her dark eyes with regret and shame. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you when I left. I wasn’t thinking, but…”

“But that’s just the problem,” Leia cut in. She sighed, shaking her head and re-gathering her thoughts. The last thing she wanted was to drag Luke all the way down here to have an argument with him, yet Leia also knew that holding on to these feelings wouldn’t do either of them any good. “Luke, I don’t want to tell you how to live your life, but… 

“We’re very much alike in a lot of ways. When there are challenges we face them head on, but when personal matters are hard for us to deal with we throw ourselves into our responsibilities until we’ve buried them. There are still days when I think about Alderaan and get overwhelmed, so I just find something to fix or take care of until the pain becomes a dull beat in the back of my mind. I can’t live like that anymore. I don’t think either of us can.”

Leia looked to Luke for a moment, debating with herself quietly before finally allowing herself to reach out her free hand and place it on the side of his stomach. Beneath the fabric of his tunic, she could feel the warmth of his firm flesh and it sent an odd sensation through her. “I was so scared for you when you told me about this,” she confessed at last, the words heavy yet liberating now that they were in the open air. “I know you won’t die the way our mother did, but the possibility of it still haunts me. I don’t have much in the way of family anymore. Only you. Only her. I need you to remember that the next time you run off to do something reckless.”

The sad, guilt ridden look didn’t leave Luke’s face even after Leia’s words fell silent. If anything it only deepened as he untangled one of his hands in order to have it rest just beneath Leia’s right hand on his stomach. “It’s strange,” he whispered. “When I think of what we are to each other… It’s so complicated, yet natural all at once. I loved you from the moment I heard your voice, but I couldn’t understand why. Then I learned the truth and it all made a strange kind of sense. With her it was the opposite; I was scared and overwhelmed and did my best to pull away. Then I found out more about what she was and the fears all died. Everything that I learned about the Force tells me that I shouldn’t be doing this, loving Han, protecting you, carrying this baby, but it all falls into place in a weird way, like a picture that becomes clearer the longer you stare at it.”

“It’s difficult sometimes,” she agreed, “being with people, even those who truly understand and care about you.”

“I never used to be closed off. Having friends and … it felt normal, _natural_ before. Now family feels so strange and wrong, but warm and right. I know I shouldn’t want it, but I do.”

Leia’s fingers twitched for a moment, the ripple beneath Luke’s skin startling her until she remembered that it was just the baby. She closed her eyes and for the first time attempted to reach for her, to gage her feelings. Leia had heard Luke talk openly about the bond he had built with his unborn child and a part of her wanted to see if forming such a thing could be possible for her as well. What she felt was faint, a flicker of something warm and soft. It was so pure and simple that she knew right away it was her niece. She grinned, feeling the baby greet her with pure happiness, showing her affection by offering the pad of Leia’s palms another push with the bottom of her tiny feet.

The sound of Luke’s laughter drew her attention back into the present and Leia knew instantly that Luke had caught on to what she was doing. “I think I’m starting to understand now,” Luke said quietly. 

Leia said nothing back. She only studied his face to see that the shame and guilt were fading away, comfort and joy pushing their way forward and looking pleasantly natural on his fuller features. 

“In a strange way, I think Han had it right all along.” Luke took a moment to chuckle and Leia knew it was due to the skeptical look she was currently sporting on her features. “It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. I don’t have to give up one to have the other. There can be a balance, a place in-between both worlds for all of us.”

“All of us?” Leia repeated skeptically.

He nodded the fingers on his hand splaying wider against his stomach to underscore his meaning. “I don’t have to shoulder everything alone. We can rebuild the Jedi together, you and me and the baby. We’ll build a new order as a family, because we’ll always be stronger together than we will be apart.”

Leia smiled at the thought, Luke’s joy and the baby’s warmth reaching out to touch her like a comfortable blanket. “I like the sound of that.”


	9. Chapter 9

The blanket of sleep was torn away from him so quickly that Han felt his entire body going tense from the shock of it. Sunlight was hours away and the bedroom was eclipsed in a veil of darkness broken only by the slivers of streetlight that had managed to find its way through cracks in the curtains. Han felt his heart hammering in his chest when the warm hand pressed against his shoulder, shaking him insistently until Han turned and looked up to see Luke’s silhouetted figure crouching over him. 

“Corellia,” Luke said, speaking the word as if that would make all the sense in the world, but Han felt his sluggish brain scrambling to register it.

“Corellia?” he repeated, the name feeling oddly fat on his tongue as he croaked it out from between lips still numb with sleep. Above him Luke nodded, the gesture barely visible in the dark, but after a few seconds Han sighed and sunk back into his bedding, giving up on finding sense in Luke’s behavior. “What about Corellia?”

“You asked me to pick a planet,” Luke explained. The mattress gave a slight creak as he shifted and leaned backwards on his haunches. “Where we could raise the baby? I don’t want to stay here, not forever at least, maybe another year at the most, and I certainly don’t want to make the baby grow up on a place like Tatooine. But Corellia… I think that could work.”

Han nodded distantly, his attention fading in and out of the conversation. Following along was a bit too difficult with sleep pressing back down on his mind, but the parts of it that he had heard made sense and he was glad to hear it. “Okay. Corellia. Good.” He yawned and motioned blindly with one arm towards what he guessed was Luke’s side of the bed. “Now that we’ve discussed that…”

“We can go.”

The cloud of slumber that had been settling on his mind began to dissipate at the cryptic response and at last Han decided to take the bait and ease himself up on his elbows. “Go where?”

“To the medical center,” Luke clarified, framing his stomach with his hands. In the relative darkness Han could hardly make out the gesture, but Han was alert enough to remember that Luke only really touched his stomach when he was making a point. The distant thought was enough to nudge him further away from the lingering dreams and into the arms of awareness. “My contractions are getting pretty close together so I think now would be a good time to leave.”

“What the hell?” Han felt as if a bucket of ice water had been dumped on his back as he jumped out of bed and scrambled for the light switch. His eyes stung as they adjusted to the flood of colors entering his vision and after a second or two of blinking, he could see that Luke’s face was looking a touch flushed, sweat dripping down his cheeks as his hands shook ever so slightly. “When did you start having contractions?”

“Around dinner time,” he said calmly. “It was light at first so…”

“That was hours ago!” Han practically barked. He looked around the room, suddenly forgetting which way was up or down as his mind scrambled to catch up and quickly process everything Luke had just told him. Shoes, pants, shirt… He knew he needed them, but in that moment Han couldn’t remember where anything was. “Geez kid, you could’ve said something.”

“You don’t go to the hospital at the first sign of a contraction!” Luke said defensively. With a surprising level of ease Luke managed to maneuver himself off of the bed and over to the closet. He grabbed a shirt and pair of pants and handed them both to Han. It took several long seconds for Han to realize they were his own clothes. “Everybody knows that.”

“Yeah, well everybody knows that you don’t _not_ tell anyone you’re having contractions!” He could feel Luke’s puzzled gaze on him, but found himself too distracted by how complicated the mere act of putting on his pants had become. After managing to slide one leg in, Han hobbled awkwardly towards the bedroom’s main door trying his best to maintain his balance while attempting to slip into the other pant leg. “Leia! Chewie! It’s time!”

“Han, you’re panicking,” Luke said just as Han finally found enough focus to yank his pants up to his waist. 

“Of course, I’m panicking. You’re having a baby!”

“I already know that!” Luke countered. “Now will you stop yelling? You’re going to wake up the whole building!”

“The whole building better wake up, because we need to leave _now_!” Han roughly tugged his shirt on over his head, before finally hitting the switch to the door. “Threepio!” Han called out, nearly crashing into Artoo who had once again spent the night in low power mode stationed outside their door. “Threepio get over here!”

“What are you shouting about?” Leia yelled as she emerged from her own bedroom. Her hair was still cascading down her back, tangled and uneven after being disturbed from the midst of sleep, yet she had managed to slip into a dressing gown before leaving the room.

From somewhere in the darkened living room Chewbacca began howling in confusion just as Threepio emerged from wherever he had hidden himself.

“Luke’s in labor,” Han announced to the household. His palms slid against the wall until he finally found the light switch. The whole room was awash in the harsh lights and both Leia and Chewie took a moment to cringe in response to the sudden shift in lighting. Already Threepio was stammering nonsensically to himself as Artoo kept emitting a few rapid beeps to seemingly no one in particular. “Threepio, call the medical center and tell them we’re on our way. Leia, Chewie, hurry up and get ready. We need to leave right away.”

“There’s no need to rush,” Luke clarified as he stepped out of the guest room. He had somehow managed to dress himself and gather the bag they had packed for the hospital a week ago. Then again Han’s mind was so sleep haggard that he couldn’t be completely sure that Luke hadn’t been dressed the entire time. Luke’s face still looked a bit flushed, but no more than if he had been doing some light exercise, but Han still didn’t like how slow and deliberate his movements seemed to be and from the way Artoo was whistling neither did the droid. “Labor can take hours and I’m fine. It doesn’t even hurt that much.”

Chewie barked gently at Luke, pointing out that the Jedi should take a seat while the rest of them got ready. Luke offered a tight lipped smile that almost looked like a pained grimace as he allowed the Wookie to guide him over to the sofa were Chewbacca had been sleeping just moments ago.

“Don’t worry, Master Luke,” Threepio assured fretfully, his stiff joints clattering their way over to Luke’s side. “Everything is going to be alright.”

Luke’s quick words of appreciation were buried beneath Han ordering the droid to hurry up and contact the medical center as he had been previously asked. Han felt Luke frowning at him, but in that moment Han couldn’t quite bring himself to be concerned over the way his tone came off.

Despite the fact that she was nowhere close to being prepared, Leia still spared a moment to take a seat beside Luke on the couch, grasping his shaking fingers and taking them into her hands. Luke’s own palms were bare for once and Han had a feeling he didn’t have the energy to bother with taking the time to put on his gloves in his condition. “Are you sure you’re alright?” Leia asked, concern filling every word she spoke. “How close are the contractions?”

“They’re pretty constant,” Luke told her, his voice relaxing a touch as some of the pain managed to subside. “But it’s fine, really. If something was wrong, I promise I’d say so.”

For a moment Leia seemed to hesitate, an unspoken fear shining in her eyes, one that Luke was clearly aware of given the way he offered his sister’s fingers a reassuring squeeze. Leia gave his temple a quick kiss, lingering more out of worry than affection before finally pulling away from her twin. “I’ll go get dressed. You just wait right here.”

“I don’t think I have much choice,” he grinned tightly, but still allowed himself to sit back as Han and the others continued making preparations.

*

The med-droids were nothing more than a bunch of masochist. That was the only logical conclusion Han could draw since Luke had been checked in four hours ago and had yet to receive an anesthetic. The sun had come up, the day had properly started, and still Luke was writhing in pain in his birthing suite, because the droids had decided his contractions weren’t close enough to warrant the epidural. 

Han glared down at the clean, well illuminated tiles beneath his feet as he made his way down the hall toward the elevator. Leia had told Han to fetch some ice, her way of telling him to take a walk and cool off, because according to the twins Han was acting like a lunatic.

“Luke has a _human being_ come out of him and you don’t see him acting nearly as crazy!” Leia had snapped after Han had insinuated for the fifth time that the medical droid’s software was in dire need of an update.

Han huffed at the memory. As far as he was concerned he was behaving completely rationally given the insane situation he was in, but of course neither Luke nor Leia could see it his way. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair when he at last arrived at the elevator bank. Maybe staying cooped up in the hospital room watching Luke’s and the baby’s vitals on displayed on sterile screens was driving him a little stir-crazy, but that was no reason to kick him out of the birthing suite. The med-droid had said it would still be some time before Luke was ready to deliver, but given that there was something clearly flawed in his programing, Han could only reason that the baby could be born at any second.

The polished lift doors slid open and Han found himself taking a quick step back when Lando stepped out of the car. Lando’s eyes were wide and startled and Han knew right away it was due more to their current circumstance than seeing Han so unexpectedly. Han didn’t remember calling Lando to tell him about the baby and as far as he knew neither had Leia, but he didn’t bother to think too hard on it. Chewie or one of the droids must have told him the situation, but it was still surprising nonetheless for Lando to be there.

“Hey, I came as soon as I could pull myself away,” Lando explained as he took a step closer to Han, his eyes searching for any hint of what may have already transpired. “Has it happened yet? Is the baby here?”

“No, not yet,” Han grumbled as he stepped onto the lift and motioned for Lando to follow him. Lando’s brow knitted together briefly, but he stayed silent as he re-entered the car and waited for Han to continue. “Still another two hours according to the droids, but who knows if that’s even right.”

Lando frowned as Han jabbed at one of the buttons on the control panel, the doors gliding together smoothly in front of them. “What’s with that sore face? Aren’t you excited?”

“Excited?” Han scoffed as they began their descent towards the kitchens a few levels below. “Who can be excited at a time like this?” He sighed and rubbed at the spot on his chest where his heart had been beating deafeningly loud for the last few hours. His arm wasn’t quite tingling, but his face felt flushed with sweat and the dizzying cloud of panic from the morning’s rude awakening had never really left his head. “I swear I’m gonna have a heart attack.”

“Well don’t drop dead now. You’re about to be a father!”

It had been said in light hearted humor, but the word somehow made his core twinge in a painfully sharp manner that only briefly interrupted the frantic pounding. Han Solo, father. The words just didn’t make sense, yet somehow they would be paired together forever from now on. 

Han shook his head and touched his hand to his face, feeling how oddly warm his own skin had gotten. He hoped that he didn’t look obviously out of sorts, but he doubted it. Still a part of him aimed to play off how tense and off centered he felt by saying it was due to being awake since well before dawn.

“This whole thing is nuts,” Han muttered as the door swung open and he stepped out onto the ground floor. “Can you believe they still haven’t given him any medication?”

Lando frowned at that. “Haven’t you been here for hours?”

“ _Four_ hours!” Han said, holding his fingers in Lando’s direction to underscore the words. “And still no painkillers. What kinda place is this?”

Lando said nothing to Han, only responding with a soft laugh and a quiet shake of his head. Han didn’t appreciate either of those gestures, because he knew Lando well enough to easily decipher what they meant. “I’m not over reacting,” Han said. His words had come out tight and defensive, his fingers curling until he was pointing sharply between Lando’s eyes. Lando in turn only held up his hands, his stride completely uninterrupted even as he ducked his head and smiled with silent humor towards the ground. 

It didn’t take long for Han to realize there was no sense in trying to push his point any further and decided to focus instead on just getting his ice. Loathe as he was to admit it, being out of the birthing room and moving freely was helping him calm down a bit. He was still trapped inside the glaringly bright medical facility with its uncomfortably sterile floor, walls, and ceilings, breathing in the canned air while a part of his brain tried desperately not to think about how much pain Luke was currently enduring, but walking did help to keep his heart from pumping out of his chest.

“Can’t wait for this to be over,” Han groaned. “But then again, next comes the hard part.”

Again Lando didn’t say anything and Han was just fine with that, because there wasn’t any answer that could make him feel better. 

They finished retrieving the ice in silence and even if he wouldn’t admit it out loud, Han was a bit grateful for Lando’s company. In many ways, Lando was the only friend he had who didn’t seem to be completely weighed down by their situation and having his somewhat impartial presence was a steadying comfort. 

Yet when he returned to the birthing suite to find Leia standing out in the hall, Han was once again thrown off balance. “What happened?” Han asked and was rewarded with Leia twisting her lips impatiently.

“Nothing,” she told him firmly. “They’re administering the epidural.”

The tense feeling in the center of his chest didn’t relax the way Han had expected it would at hearing the news. Somehow his mind kept swirling with questions and concerns even though one more step in the process had been crossed out. Han grimaced and started to put his hand on his hip, but stopped himself when he remembered that he was still carrying a cup of ice in each hand. 

“You see?” Lando said as he gave Han a quick clap on the back. “You were worrying over nothing.”

Han spared only a quick glance to Lando before turning his attention back to Leia. “Well if he’s getting the medication, why aren’t you in there with him?”

“It’s standard procedure,” she explained. “Family waits outside while the anesthetic is administered.”

“That’s ridiculous,” Han huffed. Leia took one of the cups from his hands and Han suspected she noticed the way his arms kept threatening to spasm or fling upward at any moment. “It’s just a shot!”

Leia arched her brow pointedly at the comment. “Do you really want to see a six inch needle tap into the base of Luke’s spine?”

The blood drained from his face in such a rush that Han actually felt his skin go from flushed to clammy in the blink of an eye. Leia must have noticed it as well if the vindicated expression she wore was anything to go by.

“Well, I guess I’ll wait with Chewie and the droids while you two have fun here,” Lando suggested, Leia’s comment likely enough to turn his stomach as well. 

They had just enough time to direct Lando over to the waiting area before they were allowed to re-enter the birthing suite. The outlook was heading in a good direction, both the medical droid and the midwife units were pleased with the way Luke was progressing and confident that the delivery would go smoothly. Han didn’t know exactly what that meant and found himself equal parts curious and wanting to desperately cling to ignorance for as long as possible

Luke was sitting upright on the bed when they stepped back inside the suite. His gaze didn’t have the overly drugged, hazy look he had been sporting on Thru’bon, but his posture certainly did look a bit more relaxed than it had before the shot had been administered.

“Hey, feelin’ alright?” Han asked as he put the cup of ice aside, knowing already that Luke didn’t really want it. “Those meds kickin’ in yet?”

Luke answered his question with a strained grin, his eyes flickering from his stomach over to one of the monitors displaying his progress. “It is,” he admitted. “I feel a little better, but…” His right hand went to touch the base of his stomach to the space just below his belly button that seemed to be the source of his discomfort. His other hand was still gripping the bedding with a good amount of intensity as sweat trickled down his flushed face and Han didn’t like the sight of it one bit. Blond hair was clinging to Luke’s cheeks and forehead and Han took a moment to brush it aside with a sympathetic hand. “I keep thinking ‘what kind of idiot would do this to himself’?” Luke said jokingly, his lips still curled in a smile that was far too pained to really hold any humor. “But I know the answer: I did. I did this.”

Han offered him a soft laugh as Leia took a sheet and poured some of the melted ice onto it, before pressing the damp cloth to the back of Luke’s neck. He flinched away in surprise at first, but soon began to relax against the cooling touch. 

“Well, you can’t really blame yourself too much,” Han said teasingly. He sat down beside Luke on the bed and the Jedi actually slumped against him, grateful for the support. Han pressed a kiss to the top of Luke’s damp hair as he wrapped his arm carefully around him, mindful of the fact that his back was likely still tender from where the needle had punctured his skin. “You were just so crazy ‘bout me you couldn’t control yourself. It happens.”

“Is that how you want to put it?” Leia muttered teasingly as she refreshed the cloth, this time pressing it against Luke’s cheek and forehead.

Luke chuckled quietly as he closed his eyes and allowed himself to be comforted. A part of Han had been a bit surprised when Luke had openly requested the medication. He had been certain that Luke would put faith in his Jedi training to get him through the labor, but given the circumstances Luke had likely reasoned he would need all the help he could get in order to make it through this.

“Maybe I should take that vow of celibacy after all,” Luke joked. “That way I’ll know for sure I won’t be tempted to repeat this experience.”

“Don’t go getting any crazy ideas,” Han warned as he reached down to grasp Luke’s left hand. When their fingers tangled together Han found that Luke’s grip was agonizingly fierce as his fingers twitched with the linger pain from his most recent contraction. Yet Han did his best to maintain a calm facade even as his palm began to scream for mercy under Luke’s vice like hold. The last thing he wanted was to get kicked out again. 

“I’m not doing this again,” Luke breathed. “I won’t.”

Han nodded, gently kissing Luke’s knuckles and quietly praying that the Jedi would grow tired of squeezing and release his hand before Han needed a medic himself. “That’s okay. You don’t have to.”

After some time the medication gradually settled into Luke’s system well enough that he was able to lie down in relative comfort while Han iced down his own hand and waited for the med-droid to return. Time seemed to tick by at an agonizingly slow past, the contractions progressively getting more frequent and intense enough that Luke once again felt the prominent discomfort even through the blanket of medication. 

“Still think he has it easy?” Leia asked as him when Luke’s groaning started to sound too much like pained whimpers to Han’s ears. Leia’s voice had been little more than a whisper, but Han still heard the comment loud and clear and offered her the bitter scowl it deserved in response.

“Never gonna live that down, am I?” he grumbled. His gaze flickered up briefly towards Leia who flashed him a tight lipped grin that quite clearly said she would be repeating his ill spoken words for some years to come. Han frowned and redirected his gaze back to Luke. 

Luke’s face hadn’t grown any less red, the sweat still rolling down his flushed cheeks in steady rivets as he lay curled onto his side grimacing and trembling. His eyes were squeezed shut and Han caught the snippets of something being muttered under his breath as his body was seized by another contraction. 

“That was only a few minutes this time,” Leia noted fretfully as her eyes swept over Luke’s face critically. Han could tell by the set of her jaw what she was thinking and his own insides began to seize up before she could even speak her next words. “We should call the midwife back in.”

“Not yet,” Han insisted. “He’s still in too much pain.”

“He’ll be in a lot more pain if we don’t start now,” she countered, her hands already reaching for the call button stationed on the side of the wall. 

“But he needs more time!” Han could feel the blood pumping through his veins, the vibrations of his heart beat clear from the tips of his ears and straight into his fingers as he continued to brush his hand up and down Luke’s shoulders, the gesture more for his own comfort by this stage. “The medication hasn’t fully kicked in yet.”

“He’s as medicated as he’s going to get!” Leia chided. “If we wait any longer then the drugs will wear off.”

Han wanted to say more, but his protests were interrupted by the medical droid and midwife unit re-entering the room. The midwife said something in a tone that was meant to be soothing, but fell far from it given its artificial delivery and its non-standard wording. 

Luke shifted and maneuvered himself to lay on his back, his movements slow and measured even with help from Han and Leia. The two droids worked together to prep his lower half, obscuring it from view with a green metal sheath that Han didn’t dare to look beyond. 

“It’s too soon for this,” Han found himself saying even as he reached down and grasped Luke’s left hand in his own. He could feel the slight tremor in the Jedi’s touch and wondered if it was from pain or fear. “He needs more time or another shot or… _something_!”

“Commander Skywalker’s vitals are all green and the baby seems to be in position,” the med-droid informed them, its voice just as flat and distant as every other unit Han had encountered, but somehow this one cut him a bit deeper. “Now is the optimal time to begin.”

“Nice and steady,” the midwife instructed Luke as clunky metal arms waved in the direction of his lower half. Her words had been switched into Galactic Standard and were layered in a honey like tone that Han found sickening but knew was meant to bring comfort. “Follow my instructions and breathe with me.”

“Breathe?” Han gaped, his eyes running wild between the gleaming droids, Luke’s flushed face, and Leia’s deliberate frown of concentration. He felt as if he were drifting further away from himself as Luke was propped upright and looked ready to bear down. “I think he’ll need something better than _breathing_ to get through this!”

“I’m making an incision now to help the passage,” the medical droid said, and from the movement of his limbs and the tip of his dome Han could tell he had already started. “All Commander Skywalker needs to do is push when directed.”

“It’s okay Han, it’s okay,” Luke said quickly, his voice already breathless and strained as he made to squeeze Han’s fingers in an oddly supportive manner. “It doesn’t feel that bad. It’s just a little pressure.”

The whole situation felt strange, wrong. Han didn’t understand why Luke was so calm, focused enough that he was able to offer _Han_ reassurance and Han found himself saying a silent prayer of thanks that their positions weren’t reversed.

“Don’t waste your energy on him,” Leia said, her words and eyes and every part of her focused solely on her brother. Han watched as she gripped Luke’s right wrist with both hands, her own being trembling mildly as she concentrated on sending comfort and support to her twin. “Just focus. Just breathe.”

The midwife began her count and Han stared in muted panic as Luke’s cheeks went from pink to red as his jaw tightened and he began to clench down. Han didn’t dare to look beyond Luke’s face, but still his skin crawled and his stomach twisted as he stood back and allowed the scene to play out in front of him. Everything felt distant, the way Luke’s hand clenched on his, the bright lights hanging above them, Leia’s words of encouragement, and the sharp groans falling from the Jedi’s lips all seemed light years away as Han let it all happen around him. 

Over the years Han had seen and experienced so many strange, impossible things all due in some way to Luke and the Force. He had gone from an adamant non-believer to someone who had gained first hand experiences with undeniable truths. Yet that day Han felt as if all the stars and planets in the galaxy had been erased and placed back out of order as he watched Luke deliver a healthy human girl right in front of his eyes.

Luke’s body sank back into the stiff back of the bed beneath him as the baby’s cries filled the suite. The midwife took her away to be cleaned, weighed, and measured while the medical droid got to work patching and mending Luke where he had just been split in two. 

“How is she?” Luke asked and Han had to marvel at how he was able to say or do anything at all after everything that had just happened. Yet his voice was strained and his appearance was obviously weakened as his struggled to more than sweat and breath while lying on the bedding beneath him. “Where is she? I can’t see her.”

“She’s fine, she’s fine,” Leia repeated gently as she smiled down at her brother. Relief was etched across every part of her face as grateful tears fell from her eyes and rolled down her cheeks. With a hitched breath Leia leaned forward and kissed Luke’s temple, her lips lingering against his sweat dampened hair and flushed skin as if she couldn’t believe he was still there. “Luke,” she whispered, low and strained. “You did so well.”

“Yeah,” Han found himself saying, kissing the back of Luke’s knuckles even as the fingers began to grow slack in his grip. Luke’s hand was so warm and unsteady, his fingers wavering slightly, but somehow he had managed to do the impossible once again and Han felt his chest tighten with enough love and pride to split him apart. “You did it. You really did it.”

At last the midwife brought the baby back to them completely clean and dried off, swaddled in a white blanket with a cloth cap covering her bare head. There were tears streaking the sides of her pink cheeks, her mouth wide open and displaying bright red gums as she continued to shriek and wail even as she was laid in Luke’s arms. Despite how worn and tired he still clearly was, the Jedi still managed to hold her to his chest, clutching the newborn with a sort of strength that should have been unthinkable after hours of agonizing labor. Since arriving on Coruscant Han had wondered about Luke, had silently questioned the depths of his attachment towards the baby that had been growing inside of him, but the tears that pricked from his blue eyes and fell down his own flushed cheeks quickly dispelled any doubt that there was anything short of love filling the Jedi’s heart. 

“It’s okay,” Luke whispered into the baby’s pink ears, a tired smile seeming permanently fixed to his features. He gave a strained laugh and bounced her in his arms as the newborn continued to fuss and squirm in his grasp. “It’s going to be alright. You don’t have to be scared anymore. I’m here. I’m here.”

Luke had spoken of the bond that had been forged between him and the baby and Han supposed it was the result of that same bond at work that caused the infant to fall silent and simply relax into her father’s embrace. Soft sniffles escaped the newborn’s tiny lips as tears fell from the tip of Luke’s chin and onto the baby’s features, but he was quick to brush them away with a sweep of his lips. Han felt as if he could watch them forever and a selfish part of him wanted to do just that.

There was hardly any room for him on the bed, so Han found himself having to press up against the side and nearly double over in order to properly wrap his arms around the two of them. Luke welcomed the embrace with a quivering breath, his shoulder slumping against Han’s chest as they both gazed down at their daughter.

The word echoed in his head and pinged back and forth in his heart. A daughter. His daughter. It never should have happened, but somehow it had. A tingling warmth spread through him as Han suddenly found himself kissing Luke, his lips pressing against his hair and breathing in the heady mixture of chemicals and sweat that was clinging to him. He was so beautiful, they both were, Luke and the impossible baby resting in his arms. In a strange way he was reluctant to speak for fear of ruining the moment, but he found himself needing to anyway.

“So, what are we gonna call her?” Han asked, his voice so hushed that he was certain Luke only heard because they were so near. 

“Rey,” Luke said without question or hesitation. “Her name is Rey. It’s always been Rey.”

Han didn’t ask if the Force had played a part in bringing this name to him or if the visions from Ahch-To had factor into this realization. Instead Han just allowed the new name to settle on his mind, taking a moment to warm up to it before speaking it out loud. “Rey?” He watched as the baby’s lips pursed and her body squirmed closer towards Luke’s warmth. She didn’t quite look like a Rey in his eyes, but in that moment the only thing Han could see was a miracle. 

Leia’s fingers slipped into view, reaching between him and Luke in order to caress the baby’s smooth cheek. Her touch was rewarded with soft groan and from the corner of his eyes Han caught the way Leia’s smile softened comfortably at the sound. “Welcome to the family, Rey,” she said teasingly.

Eventually they were moved from the birthing suite once both sets of droids had concluded that Luke and the baby were stable and perfectly healthy. Luke was transported with Rey still held securely in his arms back to a private hospital room while Han and Leia followed close behind, neither of them letting Luke or the baby out of their respective sights for even a moment.

Once inside the private room the med droid checked over their vitals again. It was a courtesy measure that Han for once didn’t mind. Any added reassurance that Luke and the baby were healthy was fine by him. Once it was again determined that all of their vitals were green the droid left the room and the three of them continued to inspect the newest Skywalker with their own eyes.

“She doesn’t look like either of you,” Leia commented dryly, her lips curled into a mocking grin that reflected in her dark eyes. “Lucky her I suppose.”

“No, she’s not like Han or me,” Luke agreed. His voice was distant and far away, but his gaze was still fixed on the little face peeking out from between the folds of the blanket. Han had a feeling that Rey was sleeping, the noises coming from her nearly disappearing as the only movement that could be seen were the slight flutter of her eye lashes. “She’s a blank slate: beautiful and new and so full of potential.”

“Look at you getting so poetic,” Leia teased. “It must be love.”

The warmth was practically radiating from Leia as she took a moment to lean back and rearrange the pillows stacked behind her brother’s back. As Han observed her fingers fluffing and tucking starch hospital bedding into as comfortable a configuration as the stiff fabric would allow Han knew they wouldn’t be getting rid of Leia any time soon. After everything that had happened, it would be impossible to separate the princess from her brother or the baby for another month at least and Han told himself to just take that fact and accept it. 

“I say it’s exhaustion,” Han concluded. He took a moment to lean over and brush his lips against the side of Luke’s face. The sweat was drying now, but still there and doing little to diminish the pleasant glow radiating from Luke’s fatigued posture. “You’ve been up for hours now. I think it’s time you called it a day and got a little rest.”

Han had expected Luke to protest, to stubbornly insist that he was fine and well enough to stay awake just a little longer. Yet he hadn’t expected the wounded expression to flash across Luke’s face as he turned blue eyes filled with quiet alarm to look up at Han. The look only lasted for half a moment, but it had been just enough to leave a mark, scraping at Han’s heart and making him feel guilty for asking such a seemingly innocent question. “No, I… I can’t,” Luke said insistently as he ducked his head and fixed his gaze back on the baby’s sleeping face. “I… she needs me… To watch over her.”

“Han and I will look after her,” Leia promised, speaking her words in that soft, reassuring tone she only ever used with Luke (and most often when he was stuck in hospital beds like this one). “We won’t even step out of this room,” she added, brushing Luke’s bangs aside with tender fingers. “Trust us. She’ll be in good hands.”

Luke didn’t seem completely convinced, his reluctance clear from the way he kept staring down at Rey as if half expecting her to disappear from his arms if he were to turn his gaze for even a second. Yet somewhere in his mind Luke must have realized that neither Han nor Leia would be giving up any time soon. With a reluctant sight, Luke brushed a quick kiss across the baby’s smooth forehead before handing her over to Han.

Han felt his insides clench down on themselves at the unexpected gesture. He had half expected Luke to hand the baby over to Leia and if the sour look on the princess was trying to keep from being too obvious was any indication, she had as well. He held out his arms in anticipation to receive the little bundle, panicked sweat pouring out of him as unspoken anxiety took hold of his heart. The baby gave a few grunts and groans as she went from Luke’s careful grip and into Han’s tense arms. Every inch of him was alight with nervous energy as he held her, the tiny body impossibly light and delicate in a way Han couldn’t help being conscious of. The baby didn’t cry or fuss the way Han had expected, instead curling into his warmth as if resting in Han’s embrace was the most natural thing in the world. Yet even that thought didn’t stop the sweat from pouring down his face.

“You don’t have to be nervous,” Luke told him reassuringly. “She already knows you.” Luke smiled as he stretched out a tired arm and tugged gently on the folds of the newborn’s blanket, adjusting the swaddling cloth as best as his fingertips could manage. “You remember him, don’t you Rey?” he whispered to her. “That’s your dad.”

The newborn was relatively silent as she drifted back into the depths of sleep, but Han felt his heart swelling, taking this peace and contentment as a sign of approval that he made him feel unworthy.

“Yes, and he’s going to take good care of her while you sleep,” Leia assured, her dark eyes flickering over in Han’s direction. Despite the honey like sweetness of her grin, Han felt the razor sharp edge to her unspoken threat as if a dull knife had been pressed to his throat. “I’ll make sure of it” her eyes seemed to say, but her lips only whispered soothing words to Luke as she helped to guide him back to his pillow. “Just get some rest. You earned it.”

Luke nodded and allowed himself to sink down into the sterile bedding, his eyelids already drooping. The pillow didn’t offer much in the way of support, but Luke’s cheek still sank down into it, his long slow blinks mostly obscured the more his body sagged from pure exhaustion. Leia sat beside him on the thinly padded mattress, her leg pressed against his back as her fingers continued to run through his blond hair, petting him until his breathing became steady and even.

Han smiled quietly down at Luke, taking an absurd amount of pleasure in the mere act of watching him rest. The urge to lean forward and drop a kiss to his cheek ran through him, but Han resisted, not wanting to disturb Luke or the baby.

His head dropped down at the thought of the infant sleeping so contently in his arms. Somehow he had made this, this strange impossible creature belonged to him and as he stared down at the pink face peeking out from the folds of her blanket Han simply felt unworthy.

“Our lives just got a lot more complicated,” Han joked, his tone staying at a very self-conscious whisper as he spoke. Leia chuckled and the baby responded by opening her mouth long and wide as a whisper soft yawn escaped her. “Yeah, you oughta be tired,” Han relented as he found his way over to one of the hospital chairs. He sat down as carefully as he was able, mindful not to jostle the baby on his way down. “You’ve had some day. Being born an’ all.”

“Luke’s not the only one who earned his rest,” Leia reminded him. Han glanced her way, not at all surprised that she hadn’t moved an inch from Luke’s side. 

Leia had never said it directly, but Han had suspected fear and dread had been pumping through her veins for some time, she had just done a far better job of managing it. Now that they were all in the clear it would be easy to breath an air of relief and just bask in the calm, but Leia’s reluctant posture seemed to hint at a linger anxiety as if she felt sure that Luke would slip away from them if she were to leave his side for even a second. 

He hadn’t been thrilled at first when Leia had announced her intention to be in the delivery room, but now that they were on the other side of things Han was grateful for her presence. It was probably the best outcome for all of them and if Leia wanted to spend the next few hours with them, then Han certainly wouldn’t raise a word against her.

The sound of the door hissing open drew them out of their quiet reflections and pulled their eyes towards the Twi’lek administrator who had slipped inside the room. A polite, apologetic smile pulled at his lips as his green skin glistened with what must have been panicked sweat. “I’m so sorry to interrupted General Solo, Princess, but your friends are getting a bit anxious to see you.” The sound of a distant, muffled roar reached their ears and caused the administrator to grimace in response. “We don’t think we’ll be able to keep you Wookie companion from bargaining in much longer.”

Han chuckled and Leia gave her head a weary shake. Han felt confident in assuming that they had both completely forgotten about everything and everyone outside of the hospital suite and a part of him was selfish enough to feel reluctant to ruin this calm air that had enveloped them. Yet all the same, Han was certain that the administrator was correct and if they didn’t let Chewbacca in soon, he would likely tear the whole hospital apart.

“Yeah, you can let ‘em in,” Han relented. “Just make sure they know to be quiet.”

“ _Very_ quiet,” Leia stressed, the hand that had been combing through Luke’s hair shifting to rest gently, yet pointedly on his shoulder.

The administrator nodded before slipping out the door. Han and Leia shared a quick look as they braced themselves for the impending chaos. He sighed and dropped a kiss on top of the baby’s smooth forehead, his lips brushing against new skin as the tip of his nose rubbed along the cotton cloth on her head. “Okay kid,” he whispered to her. “Get ready to meet the rest of the family.”


	10. Chapter 10

_The fire offered no warmth that night, the bitter air of winter cutting straight through the layers of fabric wrapped around his body in spite of the bright orange glow from the flames. Luke stared into the blaze, listening as the dried wood crackled and burned while little embers danced in the air. It was easier to gaze at it than to meet the wounded brown eyes of his companion._

_Rey had been sitting quietly across from him for several agonizingly long minutes as her mind wrestled with the information she had just learned. She had searched her feelings and seen past her own cloud of hurt and betrayal to glimpse at the truth in his words, but Luke knew from personal experience that seeing the truth and embracing it were two very different things._

_His body had never felt as cold or as stiff as it did that evening. He clutched the hem of his cloak tightly in his left hand, the haggard skin dry enough to crack in the chilled air. The winters in Ahch-To had always been tepid and mild by comparison to other worlds, but that night it felt so much worse than usual._

_“Did you even love me?”_

_Rey’s question bore straight into his heart, her hushed words cutting deep and quick to his core. A part of Luke was tempted to keep his gaze hidden from her, but somehow he found his eyes lifting to meet hers for the first time since he had shared the truth of their connection. Her face was tight, her frame stiffly holding in the storm building beneath lean muscles and sun kissed skin, but her eyes betrayed the fury as a wall of unshed tears built in her reddening gaze._

_He told himself that it was just a trick of the light, but for one fleeting moment Luke saw Rey as she had been all those years ago when they had last seen each other, a small vulnerable girl with tears streaming down her full cheeks as confused betrayal ripped her tender heart to pieces. Luke would have given anything to comfort her, to run his fingers through her soft brown hair and whisper soothing words into her ears just as he had on so many sleepless nights, but the time for such tenderness was long gone. This wasn’t the same girl he had left behind on Jakku. She had crawled her way through the scorching desert of loneliness and returned to him a woman._

_“I loved you more than anything in the galaxy,” he told her truthfully, his own voice strained with emotions he had once thought buried away, but had now begun to resurface once again._

_“Then how could you do this to me?” Rey asked challengingly. She had made the mistake of blinking and now the tears had fallen from her eyes, leaving twin streaks down her cheeks and gathering at the base of her chin. Her gaze never wavered, even as her lips trembled and her shoulders shook with barely held anger. “I was alone for so long. I waited for you, so many years I waited, but you never came. Do you know how it feels? To have no one? To_ be _no one?”_

_“I did it to protect you,” Luke told her, but already he knew it would be a useless thing to say to a wounded child._

_“I didn’t want to be protected! I wanted a family.”_

_The were no words he could say to take away the years of isolation and pain that she had endured, that she had suffered because of him so he remained silent feeling hollow and cold as the fire roared on between them and Rey continued to stare expectantly…_

-

A deep chill settled upon him as his ears began to ring when the sound of a wailing infant cut through the night’s stillness. Luke’s ears were practically churning as he jerked upwards from the patch of carpet where he had found himself slumped over, the shadows of his dream fading away as he forced his body upright. He hadn’t meant to fall asleep, but days of putting it off had finally caught up with him and now Rey was suffering.

Over on the bed he heard Han begin to stir, Rey’s bawling no doubt catching his attention as well, and Luke stood as quickly as he could manage in order to tend to both of them. With a groan he untwisted his legs from where they had been folded beneath his body before quickly going over to Han’s side of the bed. He placed a quick hand onto his shoulder, whispering hastily that he would see to the baby, before walking briskly to the tiny nursery in the corner of the guest room in order to do just that.

Even in the dark Luke could see that Rey’s cheeks were flushed, panicked tears streaking her round features and causing her brow to furrow deeply as the lingering images continued to haunt her as well. Luke gathered the infant in his arms and cradled her gently against his chest, whispering soothingly that she was safe and apologizing with tender kisses for subjecting her to yet another nightmare. 

It had been two months since he had left Ahch-To and still the visions haunted him. Luke had managed to ward them off for a short time with the medication he had received on Thru’bon, the drugs helping to bring him into a deep, dreamless sleep, but that had lost its effectiveness soon after the birth. Now Luke could only find rest with meditation, but that required too much concentration and focus to truly grant him any sort of reprieve and on nights like this when he was particularly drained the Jedi would find himself succumbing to sleep’s call.

He heaved a grateful sigh as Rey’s frantic cries eased into faint whimpers and Luke rewarded the baby with another lingering kiss. _“I’m sorry. This is my fault.”_

Rey was still too young to understand the meaning behind his words, but hearing his voice out loud or through the Force was soothing to her regardless and she instinctively curled into his warmth, resting her tired head against his chest as she drifted back to sleep. She had grown so much over the last month, wispy strands of dark brown hair sprouting on top of her once smooth head as her eyes, now an earthy brown, gained more focus. Her limbs held a bit more strength and when placed on her stomach she could even manage to hold her head upright. Luke was so proud of her, the miraculous being he had created out of love and pure Force light, but ashamed that he had brought her into this world only to share his tormented sorrows.

Their minds were still partially connected, the lingering effects of the bond that they had forged before her birth, and now whenever Luke was subjected to the painful glimpses of the future Rey was forced to witness them as well. She couldn’t comprehend the vision, her infantile mind only able to share Luke’s confusion and fear, emotions that were overpowering for a being whose own thoughts were still beginning to take shape. Whenever the dreams would take hold of him, Rey would be smothered with those same overwhelming feelings. 

Luke sighed and carried Rey back to the bed with him. She was already fast asleep, tiny fingers curled into tight fists that now rested tucked beneath her chin as warm breath escaped from her red lips. He ran a hand over the back of her head and listened for the small, mewling noise that she always made at his touch.

Time and time again Luke had tried to decipher the visions and what they meant, but he couldn’t understand them. It was just like his glimpses of Han and Leia’s torture when he had been training on Dagobah. The images had been so disturbing and horrible that Luke simply couldn’t drive them out of his mind. Yet in a strange way those visions had made sense, because it had all been a ploy by Vader to push Luke into his trap. Now there was no one left to manipulate Luke with this glimpse into what could be. By all reason this horrible path should have been erased, because now that he was aware of the pitfalls Luke had become more than determined to change it. Yet somehow his resolve alone had not been enough to divert them from this troubling future. Something more needed to be done in order to prevent him and Rey from suffering this fate, but Luke simply couldn’t see what it was.

The sound of fabric rustling caught his ear and Luke felt his fingers unconsciously tighten around Rey’s small frame. He looked down to see Han staring up at him, his eyes squinted and straining to focus. “She alright?” Han asked him in a voice thick with sleep.

Luke nodded and tucked his legs beneath his body. The sheets still felt cold from lack of use and Luke could only hope that Han was too deep in the comfortable fog of exhaustion to register this. 

Han took in a long, deep breath through his nose, letting it out in a slow huff as he placed a warm hand on Luke’s thigh. “You alright?”

Again, he nodded, this time offering Han’s fingers a quick squeeze before whispering, “I just want to hold onto her a little longer. I know it’s silly, but…”

“’S fine,” Han mumbled, his words broken up by the yawn bubbling in his throat. “Jus’ put ‘er back in the cradle ‘fore you fall asleep.”

Luke watched silently as Han’s head sank deeper into the pillow, his breathing slowly evening out until he had drifted away from him once more. Luke smiled and brushed back a tuff of brown hair from Han’s forehead. The hand was still resting heavily on his thigh as Rey continued to breathe slow and even against his chest. 

It would be another four hours until sunrise and Luke settled back to wait out the rest of the night.

*

“Is your droid always so unfriendly?” Baze asked.

Artoo regarded the man with an almost apprehensive air, beeping and whistling in a low register that sounded particularly aggressive. The droid’s dome swiveled slowly, his metal body acting as a barrier between Baze and Luke, or more accurately between Baze and the baby.

Luke uttered an apologetic groan as he gave the astromech droid a withering look. “Only towards people he thinks will harm the baby,” Luke sighed. In his arms, Rey was already deep asleep, swaddled comfortably in her blankets as they sat peacefully beneath the shade offered by the canopy. It would have been nice to spend her first outing somewhere more open and green, but Coruscant was deeply lacking in such places and therefore the courtyard behind the archive would simply have to make due. “I’m truly sorry. I’ve put him through quite a lot recently and he’s become rather protective of us.” 

The heavy frown that Baze had been sporting deepened at Luke’s explanation while Chirrut laughed a bit too throatily at his companion’s displeasure. “Perhaps if you remove your cannon he will be less hesitant?” Chirrut suggested, although it was hard to tell if he was being sincere given the wide grin he was sporting. 

For a moment Baze seemed to take Chirrut’s words into deep consideration, grasping the shoulder strap of his weapon thoughtfully in his rough hand. He eyed Rey’s sleeping face for a few seconds, before reluctantly stepping away, his cannon remaining in its usual place slung behind his back.

Artoo, on the other hand, did not relent. He stayed fixed in his position between the Jedi and the former guardian turned hired gun, the droid’s domed head swiveling until his camera was positioned towards Baze as if to warn the man that his movements were being closely monitored.

“That’s enough, Artoo,” Luke chided as he adjusted Rey in his arms. “They’re friends.”

“Would it be too bold of me to ask to hold her?” Chirrut inquired, his smile never wavering even as he raised his arms in a hopeful manner towards Luke’s general direction.

Artoo instantly began squealing and whistling in alarm before Luke could even begin to stand. “Artoo,” Luke warned sternly. Yet Artoo didn’t relent. He maintained his position and continued to voice his apprehension with his continuous chorus of whistles and clicks, although he at least had the decency to lower his volume a touch.

Ignoring the droid’s protests, Luke went to Chirrut’s side and carefully instructed him on how to hold his arms before very gingerly depositing the baby into his waiting grasp. Chirrut held Rey stiffly at first, his arms too ridged and producing cries of displeasure from the baby, but after a moment or two he found a position that seemed to work for both of them and Rey drifted comfortably back into her peaceful slumber. 

The smile that settled on Chirrut’s face was absolutely wonder struck and Luke grinned quietly to himself as he watched the blind man’s vacant eyes shine with something unspoken and completely new. “Oh, she is a wonder,” he said jovially even as the baby simply lay quietly against his chest. “You are a fortunate man Skywalker. Perhaps someday the Force will bless Baze and I with a child of our own.”

Luke laughed yet Baze failed to see the humor in Chirrut’s teasing words, his usually stony features twisting with panic as he sputtered incoherently. “Don’t say such foolish things!” Baze managed to say when he finally found his voice.

“Ah, you’re right,” Chirrut relented, his cheerful air never wavering. “I am perhaps _a bit_ too old.”

Luke allowed his grin to linger for just a moment longer before once again settling on the bench beside his companion. From between the folds in the blanket he could see a sliver of Rey’s face, her eyes shut and lids fluttering periodically as she relished a sleep uninterrupted by nightmares. 

“Chirrut,” Luke began apologetically, “I have something to confess. I’m afraid I had an ulterior motive for our meeting today.”

To his left Luke watched Baze stiffen, the hand resting on his shoulder strap tightening as his jaw clenched in anticipation, yet Baze made no move to do anything beyond observing Luke sternly. Chirrut’s expression shifted as well, the cheerful gaze fading as a more somber mood fell upon him. “Yes, I suspected as much,” Chirrut admitted, “especially after I learned of your troubles on Ahch-To. Truly, Skywalker, you have my deepest apologies. I had never meant… If I had known there was any chance…”

“Its fine,” Luke cut in quickly, waving off the monk’s apology. It would have been so easy to place all the blame on Chirrut’s shoulders, but Luke knew better. His experience on Ahch-To had been a result of his own stubbornness and impatience, qualities that Master Yoda had warned him against long ago, yet still Luke found himself falling victim to them. “Even before I had left, a part of me knew that there was something there that I needed to see. The visions I saw on Ahch-To confirmed that, but…” He sighed, his hands wringing together as Rey shifted in her sleep.

_Did you even love me?_

Every now and again the words would claw their way to the front of his mind, piercing his heart and digging up pains he could not bury. The hurt and sorrow on the older Rey’s face had been of his own doing and try as he might Luke could not forget it. “I thought for sure that the visions would stop when I returned to my family, but they continued. They persisted even after Rey’s birth and now I find myself overwhelmed by these images even during my waking hours. 

“I had seen prophecies of the future before, but they faded away once the path changed. These images persist and I can only assume that we are still set on a path for them to come to be if I do not find a way to divert them.”

Chirrut hummed, offering the infant’s back a steady, yet gentle pat before handing her off to Luke. He accepted her gratefully, the warmth of her tiny frame soothing to him even as he watched the guardian’s face carefully for some sort of response. “I understand your concerns, but I’m not sure how I can be of help.”

“When you saw me months ago, you knew instantly that Rey was conceived through love,” Luke explained. “I was wondering… do you perhaps recall if you had seen anything else?”

The thoughtful expression fell into a worried frown as Chirrut processed Luke’s question. “I’m not sure what you mean.”

“As we have discussed in the past, I am aware that you are not a Jedi,” Luke went on. “But the Guardians of the Whills make use of the Force, they know of the light… is there any chance you are familiar then with the ways of the dark side?”

This time it was Baze who shifted, moving towards Luke and pointedly ignoring Artoo’s concerned beeps. “Are you inquiring if Chirrut and I…?” he began, but his words were put to an end when Chirrut raised his hand aloft.

“It is alright, Baze,” Chirrut answered mildly, his features growing thoughtful once more. “We did not study the teachings of the Sith at our Temple, Skywalker,” Chirrut clarified, “although we were aware of their existence. But why when you speak of your baby do you ask about such things?”

“Because there are no records of the Jedi having methods that would cause a baby to be born from the will of the Force alone,” Luke explained. “I have searched the archives on this planet extensively and found no answer. I love Rey and I am grateful to have her, but these visions… they must be more than just a warning for me. They’re tied to both of us so that makes me wonder if, perhaps, it wasn’t love alone that created her. Perhaps she was born for a reason.”

“All children are born for a reason, Skywalker,” the monk told him. His words were spoken in an almost combative manner as his expression fell dangerously close to a scowl. “We are all miracles, each of us gifted with purpose and life. It has been a thing that we so often take for granted that all of us have forgotten how precious and wonderful that miraculous gift is.”

Luke bowed his head as his fingers tensed instinctively on Rey’s body. She was so soft and small, yet the potential shining inside of her felt nearly blinding at times. It felt so wrong to question her existence, to push and prod for an answer when he knew deep inside that simply being grateful for this gift should be enough. Yet the visions told him that Rey would be hurt deeply by his own hands and Luke simply had to know why.

_There has to be a reason,_ he thought as he often did at moments such as this. _There has to be something that I can change._

“I did not mean to offend you, either of you,” Luke said apologetically, “but… Rey and I are creatures that by all rights should not exist, yet we’re here. I know my path, it lead me to confronting Vader and the Emperor, but Rey…”

_Always in motion the future is,_ Yoda had once said, but this future seemed so resolute, so stubbornly fixed in place that there simply had to be a reason why. 

“If the Sith had knowledge of this ability, the key to creating life, then it was a secret they kept closely guarded,” Chirrut said, an air of reluctance expelling from him as he spoke. “I am sorry, Skywalker, but I have no answers to give you.”

A shiver ran through Luke’s bones as a truth he had been fighting for so long settled upon him once more. “Then it’s just as I suspected,” he whispered dejectedly. “I have to return to Ahch-To.”

-

_“Why did you create me? Why was I made?”_

_Luke stopped heavily in his tracks at the question and instantly his body began to sag beneath the weight of Rey’s words. The day’s training had already been exhausting enough for both of them. Once again Rey had pushed herself too far in another attempt to regain the forgotten skills within her, but it was her question more than anything that suddenly robbed Luke of his lingering strength._

_He turned to look at her wordlessly and was greeted by the sight of her flushed face staring back at him with eyes meant to appear hardened, but only served to reveal years of longing instead. A smile longed to curl the corners of his capped lips as he gazed at her; lean arms and legs trembling from effort, brown hair a mess of loose threads, and jaw stubbornly set into a determined frown. There was so much Leia in her that it was almost staggering._

_“I didn’t ‘make you,’” he told her at last. “You’re not a droid.”_

_“You must have had a reason to do it,” Rey went on as if Luke hadn’t spoken. She took the uneven steps a bit too quickly, her own stride wobbling under strained legs and Luke felt himself tighten as his gaze followed her foot falls. He held his breath and prepared himself to reach out and catch the girl should she fall. As far as Rey was concerned Luke was just a feeble old man with little to offer other than answers and so she walked on without a thought towards him. “Was I a weapon? A tool to be used against the dark side? Is that why I can do these things so easily?”_

_“No, you aren’t any of those things,” Luke sighed. He walked with her down the stone path back towards their camp. The caretakers hadn’t taken kindly to Rey and Luke thought it would be better for her to stay near her ship instead of around a group of unwelcoming strangers. “You’re my daughter.”_

_She bristled openly at the word. Rey had accepted their bond as a fact, but she hadn’t come around to seeing him as anything close to a parent. They were no more than two people with a shared history in Rey’s mind, but Luke still held onto the hope that in time she would see him as something more._

_“Then where is my mother?” Rey asked willfully. “Who was she?”_

_This time Luke was the one who felt his stride grow uncertain and his feet actually stumbled against the path he had walked so many times. Rey noticed the shift in his gait and turned to look at him, but he had recovered before their eyes could meet._

_“You, uh,” he began, then instantly stopped himself. Shame and doubt filled his stomach and for a moment Luke had to wonder if he were suddenly a boy again. “You aren’t ready to hear that just yet.”_

_Rey’s brow furrowed unhappily at his cagey answer. “Liar,” she said. “You just don’t want to tell me.”_

_“Trust me, kid, you don’t want to know,” he sighed as he ran his left hand through his hair. Already he could feel his face grow warmer as Rey’s sharp eyes followed his steps. “It’s complicated.”_

_“So you didn’t love her either,” she decided. “Is that why you abandoned her, too?”_

_This time when Luke stumbled and sagged he allowed himself to dwell, allowed his mind to drift back to the moment when his heart had been rippled clean in two. He had brought so much pain to others, to his family, to himself, that at times it only seemed fitting that he felt so alone even with his daughter by his side._

_Luke sighed and closed his eyes._ Han. Leia… I’m so sorry.

-

Coming out of the dream felt like being pulled from a pool of ice water and Luke found himself taking in deep, panicked gulps of air as he adjusted to the harsh mental shift back into the present. He looked around, wide eyed and dizzy as the bright room seemed to spin rapidly before his eyes. It took several agonizingly long moments for him to become steady enough to realize that Leia was standing over him, her left hand gripping his bicep firmly as she cradled a weeping Rey in the crook of her right arm.

“Luke!” she called. Luke could tell from the slight note of alarm in her voice that Leia had been calling his name repeatedly before he had at last awakened. “What’s wrong? What happened?”

“Give her to me,” he found himself saying, his voice strained and gasping as he reached for Rey with trembling arms. Despite the cold panic still pumping through his veins, Luke found his mind centering solely on Rey. Even as his eyes struggled to adjust to the daylight spilling in from the living room’s large bay windows, Luke found his gaze fixed on Rey’s damp face and reddened cheeks as her frustrated cries continued to fill the air.

Unsurprisingly, Leia answered his request with a suspicious frown and instead clutched her weeping niece closer to her chest. “Not until you tell me what’s wrong. Rey’s trembling. She feels so frightened and you feel just the same.”

It took more effort than usual for Luke to push himself upright, his back pressing against the foot of the sofa as he at long last properly took in his surroundings. He didn’t even remember if he had fallen asleep or drifted too deeply into his meditation, but whatever happened it was just another sign that the dreams were getting worse. 

“She saw my vision,” Luke explained once he was able to regain control of his breathing. “At least, she felt my _reaction_ to the vision.”

Leia frowned, pulling her hand away from Luke’s arm so she could better soothe the sobbing baby in her embrace. “What vision?” she asked as she settled down beside him on the floor. 

“I’ve been having dreams since leaving Ahch-To,” he confessed. “I keep getting these flashes to a future where Rey and I don’t know each other, where we’re meeting again for the first time.” He frowned as he watched Leia run her hands deftly up and down Rey’s back, the baby’s sobs slowly calming under her aunt’s careful touch. “I’ve been trying to keep them away, but… no matter how hard I try they find me.”

“And Rey sees them too?”

He nodded. “In my sleep our minds seem to link. I thought returning home would be the end of it, but… I can’t keep torturing Rey with these visions.” Luke frowned as he ran his palms against the sides of his thighs. His arms were still longing to hold Rey again, to be the one to comfort her here in the present and make up for all the suffering he would bring her in the future. “I think I know a way to stop it.”

“You’d have to leave,” Leia concluded, a look of disappointment and hurt settling in her eyes.

“I don’t want to leave,” Luke stressed, “I don’t want to be away from you, any of you, but… Medication didn’t help, staying awake isn’t working, meditating has proved useless, and seeking guidance didn’t do anything. I’m running out of options.”

The frown never drifted from Leia’s features, but slowly a reluctant sort of understanding seemed to meet it as she considered Luke’s words. Leia sighed and adjusted her grasp on Rey. The baby had grown much calmer now, her damp eyes blinking slow and drowsy as she sucked soothingly on the tiny fingers that had found their way between her lips. Luke knew instantly that going away would mean leaving Rey behind and that hurt him deeper than anything, but he also knew that putting distance between them might stop the dreams from reaching her. He wouldn’t be relieved from the painful visions, but Rey would find some peace and that alone would be a small victory.

“Have you told Han about any of this?” Leia asked at length.

Luke shook his head. “He knows about the initial vision, but he doesn’t know that I keep having them or that I’ve been keeping myself awake.” He sighed and grasped Rey’s foot in his hand, his synthetic skin caressing the little toes encased in the cloth of her socks. He wanted to be near her, to touch her and take in her presence as if any moment could be their last. “I don’t think he’ll understand.”

“I doubt he will,” Leia said, a wry smirk pulling at her lips even as her tone maintained its serious edge, “but he needs to know.”

*

Telling Han wasn’t easy, but keeping Rey with him made it a touch better. They argued less when Rey was around and Luke supposed it was a cheap ploy, but the fight always drained out of Han whenever he saw their baby cradled in Luke’s arms.

“So you’re telling me,” Han said, his words measured and halting as he struggled to keep his temper in check, “that you haven’t slept in almost _three months_?”

Luke shrugged, the gesture causing Rey to bounce in his arms. She had just woken from a nap and was a bit more alert, which meant that her eyes would follow along to the best of their ability whenever either of them spoke. In that moment Rey’s wide brown eyes were trained on Han’s face and Luke saw the way the other man was straining to maintain a composed expression in front of their baby.

“I’ve gotten some sleep,” Luke clarified.

“ _Some_?” Han echoed, stressing the word sharply, but he quickly stopped himself. Han groaned and scrubbed at his face with the palm of his hand. “Some he says,” he grumbled and stepped away. 

The early evening air was cool and clean for once, caressing the three of them with a pleasantly calm wind. In another hour he would have to feed, bathe, and change Rey and put her to bed, but for now it was fine to keep her outside even if the air was a touch too cool for Luke’s liking. 

“When were you planning to tell me any of this?” Han asked at last, his tone soft and almost defeated.

Luke sighed, adjusting Rey in his arms so her stomach was pressed over his heart and her head rested comfortably on his shoulder. She curled against him instinctively, little legs tucking beneath her soft body as she clung to the fabric of his tunic with determined fingers. “I didn’t want to,” he confessed. “I wanted to try to find a way to solve this on my own, because…” Luke frowned, struggling to figure out just how to put his next words. “Don’t want to leave, I don’t want to go back to Ahch-To, but the more I try to figure out a way to work around it, the more I start to realize it’s the only answer. The planet was trying to tell me something with the first vision and now I’m getting bits and pieces of the message. If I return I might find the whole thing and be able to fix this.”

“If,” Han sighed. “Maybe. You don’t even know for sure.”

“Exactly,” Luke said. He rested his cheek against the soft strands of brown hair clinging to Rey’s head, relishing every moment with her. “I don’t know, but I have to take the chance. I don’t want to make the journey, believe me. I’d rather stay here with my family instead of putting everything I love at risk for a _chance_ , but… If I stay, I’ll keep hurting Rey. She won’t ever be able to sleep when I’m around and what kind of father would I be if I let her suffer like that?”

Han sighed and took a few steps closer to Luke. His face wore a thoughtful expression as he rested a hand lightly against Rey’s back. “What did I get into with you?” he muttered, the teasing smile a dead giveaway for his true feelings.

Luke smiled back. “I don’t know. I don’t even understand how you could love me. I’m a mess.”

“A mess that had my kid,” Han reminded him, as if Luke could ever forget. “And a mess that I wanna marry.”

“You don’t have to marry me. There’s still time for you to walk away.”

A frown instantly formed on Han’s features a clear sign that he saw no humor in Luke’s comment. “Yeah, fat chance kid,” he told him as he wrapped Luke and Rey in an embrace that was protective yet cautious. “You’re not getting rid of me that easily. And if you’re going back to that place, you’re not going alone. I’m with you, kid. For better or worse.”


	11. Chapter 11

The baby was feather light in her arms. Leia didn’t have much experience holding babies, but she could tell that her niece was on the smaller side. Rey had gained some weight since the birth, but Leia knew first hand that she didn’t eat nearly enough, a fact that Luke and Han didn’t seem keen on correcting. 

Leia tried not to frown as she cradled the back of Rey’s head and held her gently to her shoulder, the baby’s damp eyes and wet lips creating a small patch of moisture on her clothes even as Leia ran her fingers up and down the curve of the small back. The bond between them wasn’t nearly as strong as the one that had been forged between Rey and Luke, but still Leia knew the baby didn’t like it when she scowled or raised her voice. Instead she brushed her lips against the crown of the infant’s head, soft wisps of brown hair greeting her as she continued to do her best to sooth away frustrated tears.

“It’s alright,” Leia whispered gently. “Those two fools you call ‘father’ won’t be gone long.”

The baby sniveled in a way that seemed to confirm Leia’s suspicions; that her current distress was the direct result of Han and Luke’s absence. It was natural for Rey to be upset, this being the first time that Luke had left her side since having her, but the infant was far from the only one troubled by the situation.

_He’s doing this for her. He’s doing what he thinks is best._

Leia had repeated those thoughts to herself several times since Luke had left with Han and Chewbacca, but that didn’t make her own disappointment any easier to bear, especially not with a wailing infant in her arms.

“I know, I know,” she cooed into the baby’s ears. “You miss them, don’t you? But it’s going to be alright. I’m still here. And so are Threepio and Artoo…”

“I think I got it this time,” Lando announced as he stepped out of the kitchen with a baby bottle held carefully in his hands. “I checked it a dozen times and it should be the right temperature now.”

It was a struggle, but Leia managed to keep her scowl from breaking the mask of calm she sported as she held out an expectant hand in Lando’s direction. “Let’s just hope there’s enough left for the baby.”

Lando’s laugh was strained despite his otherwise confident air and Leia suspected he hadn’t been exaggerating about the many formula tests he had conducted in the kitchen. It had been Han’s idea for Lando to “drop in” and “lend a hand” while he and Luke were away. She didn’t bother to hide the deep insult she felt at Han’s thinly veiled insinuation that she wouldn’t be able to handle tending to Rey on her own and while Leia knew it wasn’t fair to take out her frustrations on Lando, he was simply unfortunate enough to be the most reasonable source for her scorn.

The warm base of the bottle touched her palm and Leia saw the hopeful gleam shining in Lando’s eyes as he searched her face for approval. He was trying, she knew as much just from gazing at him, even if his silk shirt, pressed slacks, and polished shoes didn’t exactly reflect as much. Yet it was with that thought in mind that she forced herself to offer him a thankful smile as she shifted Rey in her arms. Lando returned the grin as he sat beside her on the sofa, allowing Leia a fair amount of space while staying close enough to study Rey’s face and gage her reaction to the drink. 

Leia was able to tell from touch alone that the bottle would be warm enough, but she wasn’t exactly confident that Rey would drink even as she sniffled and seemed to settle in for her meal. It was at times such as this that Leia truly envied Luke’s bond with Rey. Through their shared connection Luke only had to look at Rey to know when she was thirsty, tired, or hungry. Leia on the other hand was not so fortunate and could only guess and feel grateful at her ability to be correct more than half of the time. In that moment Leia felt confident that the main source of little Rey’s discomfort was the obvious absence of her parents, but other than a warm bottle and her own reassuring arms, Leia wasn’t sure what else could be done to comfort the infant.

She was practically holding her breath as she pressed the nipple to Rey’s lips and waited to see if she would accept the offering. For several seconds Rey didn’t seem willing to drink, her whimpering and scowling persisting longer than Leia would have liked, but after a bit of encouragement, Rey finally opened her pink lips and latched on to the bottle, suckling weakly before growing a touch more eager as she slowly came around.

Leia let out the breath she had been holding as slowly as she could manage as Lando also leaned back and allowed himself to relish in his own victory. “You know, it really is amazing how much she looks like you,” Lando commented as he glanced down at the baby cradled in Leia’s arms.

She huffed and pulled the teat out from between Rey’s lips, allowing her a small break to catch her breath before letting her drink some more. “Well, she is my niece,” she said flatly. “There is something of a family connection.”

Lando leaned back further into the padding of the sofa and offered Leia his usual unflappable smile. It was his default response to her more acrid tones and scathing comments, but Leia could see from the small glimmer of sympathy that Lando had looked past her words to something she had been trying and failing to conceal. “They’ll be back soon.”

This time Leia did find herself frowning, but she managed to turn her head away for a moment, allowing the grimace to linger on her briefly before smoothing her features in order to return her gaze to Rey. She was still drinking, but with far less enthusiasm as the infant’s eyes slowly began to droop. “I know,” Leia sighed as she carefully pulled the bottle away from Rey’s lips in order to reach for the tip of the bib wrapped comfortably around the baby’s neck. She dabbed the girl’s cheeks before carefully maneuvering Rey over her shoulder. “I just… she misses them so much.”

“She’s not the only one.”

The tips of her teeth scrapped against her lip at Lando’s words and how neatly they sank into the heart of her feelings. “Luke’s doing what he thinks is best,” Leia said, her words failing to sound confident even in her own ears. Luke’s love was very much a martyr’s love. If he thought for even a moment that throwing himself into a Sarlacc pit would ease Rey’s suffering, than there was no doubt in Leia’s mind that her twin would do it. Leia felt her lips press together as her hands began rubbing soothing circles against Rey’s back. “I just wish he had confided in me sooner. If I had known what was happening then maybe…”

“He would’ve left anyway,” Lando concluded. Her face must have twisted into a genuine frown, because Lando was quick to raise his hands and add “I know he’s your brother and you know him better, but let’s face it he’s not the type to sit back and think things through. The second this idea was planted in his head it was sure to take him out the door and back to the stars.”

Two warm puffs of air escaped Rey’s lips, a clear sign that her belly was now full and any bits of gas taking space in her had been displaced. Leia eased the baby carefully from her shoulder and back into her folded arms, where she gently rocked her niece to sleep. It didn’t take long. Eating always made Rey sleepy and in no time at all she was dosing peacefully in Leia’s arms.

It was with the knowledge that Rey was now fast asleep that she allowed herself to frown openly at Lando’s comment. She hated how accurate his words were and how closely they echoed her own feelings, but mostly she hated that Luke was now light years away from his child just so he could look the darkness in the eye and see what it wanted with him. “At least Han and Chewie are with him,” she whispered, mindful of the little one sleeping against her chest. “Even if they can’t talk sense into him, they’ll do their best to drag him back.”

Lando nodded, likely recognizing the gesture as the only suitable answer he could offer her. 

The day had slipped by them, the light from the large bay window spilling into the apartment as a fiery orange that caused their shadows to grow longer against the furniture. Leia sighed as she shifted Rey in her arms. She was of the mind to stand and offer Lando her thanks before sending him on his way. She knew without asking that Lando was intending to stay longer, until Han and Luke returned most likely, but she and Rey didn’t need him, even if Leia did appreciate having him there to voice some of her frustrations. 

Yet Lando must have sensed that Leia was going to usher him out. That was her guess, because she couldn’t think of any other reason for him to smile admiringly down at Rey, before turning his dark eyes up to Leia with the same appreciative gleam. “You’re really good with her,” he told her in his usual smooth manner. “Do you think you’ll ever have kids of your own?”

The question hadn’t been meant to startle her and Leia was embarrassed of the breath that caught in her throat as she processed how to respond. She found her eyes drifting to Rey’s sleeping face, her lashes fluttering peacefully against cheeks that had just moments ago been damp with frustrated tears. The baby’s hands were curled into tight fists that rested beneath her chin and the rounds of her cheeks rested so naturally against Leia’s chest that she had to wonder if the babe found her heartbeat overwhelmingly loud. 

Lando’s expression softened suddenly, his dark eyes filling with a remorseful sincerity that made Leia herself a touch uncomfortable. “I’m sorry,” Lando began, a small note of confusion coloring his words. “I didn’t mean to put you on the spot like that.”

“I know. It’s just…” Leia sighed and gave her head a slight shake. A year ago the question would have been so easy to answer, but now with Rey it felt a bit more complicated. Rey wasn’t her child, but in many ways she was. To Leia the girl felt like enough, more than enough, but Leia wasn’t quite sure if Lando would understand that sort of response. “I guess I don’t really know what to say.”

-

_The rain was coming down in fierce curtains. Sharp, fat globs of water slapping the flat planes of bare rock beneath their feet like the blasts from a rifle as the wind howled in their ears. The winter air was already cold, but the crisp rain water made it worse by tenfold at least._

_Luke had to blink his eyes several times just to make out Rey’s figure and just as he had expected she was trembling. He had offered to loan her a cloak since the first day the girl had arrived on Ahch-To, but she stubbornly refused to take anything from him. Even now as they stood there, the sky darkened by the late hour, thick gray clouds obscuring the stars, and biting rain surrounding them, Rey still refused to take the hand he was offering her._

_“Rey,” Luke called out again, shouting the words to make certain that his voice was heard above the storm. He didn’t bother to spare a thought to the caretakers who had since Rey’s arrival made themselves scare, and the porgs and other animals had all scurried away at the onset of the storm. The only thing on his mind in that moment was the stubborn girl standing before him. “Stay with me.”_

_He watched her face as carefully as he was able through the storm, her cheeks rain soaked and flushed as her mouth pressed into a line so tight that her jaw actually began to tremble. “You know I can’t do that,” she told him firmly. “I … I came here to find_ you _! To bring_ you _back with me!”_

_His metal hand hung in the air, stretched out towards Rey who every second seemed to be shifting closer to her ship and further away from him. Synthetic fingers, years overdue for repair, began to curl in on themselves with uncertainty, but Luke forced his will to stay resolute._

_He needed Rey to stay, to be with him, because she made him feel alive again. He had been alone and in seclusion for so long that he had forgotten what it had been like to love, to care, to_ be _, but just looking at Rey made his heart beat again, filling it with passion and a kind of warmth that he had thought long gone. Even if she could not forgive him, even if she could not_ love him _, he felt the bond between them rebuilding as the love he had buried away for his daughter came kicking back to life once more._

_“There’s nothing for me out there,” he told Rey as he took a step towards her, approaching the girl cautiously as one would a skittish animal. “There’s nothing that can be done.”_

_“Yes there is!” She took her own step forward, but it was an unconscious gesture and even in the darkness Luke could see her dark eyes flashing as her shaking fist tightened around her staff. “The galaxy needs you! The Rebellion needs you!”_

_“There’s always a rebellion!” He frowned, shaking his head. His hair was already drenched with rain and clinging to his face as he struggled to find a way to make the girl see reason. “There’s always something to fight. The Empire, the First Order. They’re no different! The cycle of anger, war, and death continues no matter how hard we fight against it. Don’t you see? Here you’re beyond that! You can rest and find peace, because nothing you do out there matters anyway.”_

_For one flickering moment Luke thought that Rey might cry, but she held it tightly in herself as she shook her head and gazed at him with pitying frustration shining in her eyes. “How can you say that?”_

_“Because I’ve lived it,” he sighed. Again he stepped forward, but as he moved Rey matched his step by backing away._

_“Rey,” he tried again, remembering that the task was to make her understand not scare her away. “If you stay, you can continue your training. I’ll help you regain what you’ve lost, help you remember what was locked away. And we…” Their eyes locked and Luke felt Rey’s will bending, her resolve starting to crumble as temptation pulled her towards him. He offered her a hopeful smile. “Rey I need you.”_

_“What about your sister?” she asked, her trembling voice softening until it was nearly hidden beneath the curtain of wind and rain. “What about my friends? I can’t forget them.”_

__You’re just like him, _Luke found himself thinking. A cloak of fondness enveloped his thoughts no matter how frustrating her words seemed._ Hard headed and inflexible at the worst of times. Or maybe you’re like her, dedicated and blindly driven. You’re not like me. Not even the me I once was. __

_The ground had grown slick, the storm creating a waterfall like effect and when Rey moved closer to him, there was sharp splashing waves in the wake of her movements. She still looked just as stubbornly determined to leave as before, but there was a different kind of glimmer lingering her eyes this time. “I came here to bring you back,” she told him, holding the hilt of his father’s lightsaber towards him and Luke instinctively found himself looking away. It was ironic, even during her days at the temple Luke had forbid her and the other children from holding any weapons and yet she seemed to carry the lightsaber so naturally in her hands. “I don’t think you belong here either. Master Skywalker… Father? Please come back with me.”_

_She was standing close enough now that Luke could easily close the distance between them and hold her, but he resisted the urge, knowing instantly they weren’t there yet. Instead he raised his flesh and blood hand to her and hesitantly brushed a strand of hair from where it clung to her cheek._

_“Rey,” he whispered, enjoying hearing the name and speaking it to her. “I wish I could be the man you think I am.”_

_“I know you can be,” she said, smiling hopefully at him. “General Solo told me you were.”_

_It was strange that the name caused a frown to twist his features, but he found his hand instantly pulling back at the sound of it. “Leave your father out of this.”_

_The words came tumbling out faster than his mind could process saying them, and Luke only realized his mistake when Rey’s confused expression fell upon him like a boulder. “My… my father?” she echoed, her voice trembling and uncertain as she stepped away from him. “You said… I thought you were my father.”_

_“I am,” he said instinctively, but just as quickly realized that the damage had been done and that it was time to confess. He closed his eyes and sighed before looking back to Rey’s wounded face. “We both are.”_

_Rey looked at him as if he had suddenly begun speaking backwards, her eyes flickering back and forth as she struggled to comprehend this newest truth. “Both of you?” she asked, trembling straight down to her core. “You and General Solo?”_

_He nodded. The rain had weakened ever so slightly, just enough that he could speak without yelling, but that didn’t make the conversation any less difficult. “We… we conceived you together. Our passion created you with the aid of the Force.”_

_“I… I don’t understand.” Rey frowned and touched a hand to her head as if the contact would somehow aid her focus. Her eyes were still jumping and Luke felt the doubt and regret growing within him with each passing second. “When I met him… why didn’t he say anything?”_

_“Because he didn’t know you were still alive,” he admitted. “When I hid you away… I told him you died at the temple.”_

_The look of betrayal deepened as Rey’s eyes locked with his, searching Luke’s shame ridden face for any sign that this wasn’t the truth. In that instant he knew for certain he had lost her. “How could you?” she whispered. “How could you do something so horrible?”_

_“I did it to protect you. I needed to keep you safe! If he knew you were alive he would find you and then both of you would be in danger.”_

_“Stop it!” Rey shouted, face twisting and burning as she spoke. “Stop saying that! Stop using me as your excuse!” Her scowl was so deep and hate filled that it burned his heart to behold it, yet still Luke found himself memorizing her face knowing that this may well be the last time he looked at her. “I was wrong about you. You are just a sad old man and I never want to see you again.”_

-

He was in Han’s arms when he woke this time, but that was the only thing that was different. The same bone chilling cold was running through his body as he opened his eyes, flinching and gasping for breath.

Han whispered something soothing into his ear, but Luke’s mind was moving too frantically for him to understand any of it. 

Luke groaned and placed a hand to his head, feeling his body trembling sharply as the lingering bits of the vision began to settle. He could still see the look of betrayal on the other Rey’s face as if she were still there in front of him, but his Rey was light years away safe with Leia and Lando on Coruscant. 

_She didn’t see it this time,_ Luke reminded himself, certain that there was enough distance between them to weaken their bond. _She didn’t feel it._

His fingers were still trembling as he slowly withdrew his hand from where it had been tangled in his hair. “Where are we?” Luke asked, gathering his thoughts and willing his mind to center itself. 

“We’re in the planet’s orbit,” Han whispered as he ran his hand down Luke’s back. “Are you sure you wanna go through with this? I mean, that last vision must have been pretty bad. You’re crying.”

Luke brushed his fingers against his cheeks, feeling the trail of tears that he had initially mistaken for sweat. His chest grew tight as glimpses of his vision came crashing back into the forefront of his mind. 

_He didn’t know you were still alive… I told him you died at the temple._

“Why would I do that?” he whispered, chest burning and mind reeling as the images kept slamming into him. “Why would I say that?”

Han’s touch was steadying, his palm gently cradling Luke’s face, but somehow his head just kept spinning. “Hey. Are you okay?”

“No, I…” Luke groaned and pressed the heel of his palms against his eyes. “I think I’m starting to understand. I’m seeing more of the picture, but… but not the whole thing.”

“You don’t have to go back there,” Han told him. “I know you don’t want to.”

“No, I … I have to.”

*

It was clear from the moment they set foot on the planet’s surface that temple’s caretakers were less than welcoming when it came to visitors who weren’t practicing Jedi, as their reception towards Han and Chewbacca was frosty to say the least. It was hard to tell if they were frightened or merely apprehensive towards outsiders, but Luke had a feeling that there was a mixture of both to be found in the caretakers’ near reluctance to even so much as interact with Han or Chewie. 

Luke, on the other hand, they continued to regard quite warmly, chattering eagerly at him in their native tongue as they seemed to rejoice in his return. 

“They’re isolated and easily frightened,” Luke explained to his friends, although even in his own ears it felt more akin to making excuses. “It might be better for the two of you to wait by the ship while I explore on my own.”

Chewie growled in open disapproval at the idea and Luke wasn’t at all surprised by this reaction. “Chewie’s right,” Han agreed. “We didn’t come all this way just to sit back while you wander around on your own.”

“I know,” he relented, “but I think that’s what I need.” Luke offered them both an apologetic frown as he took Han’s hands in his own. “I’m the one the planet is trying to communicate with through these visions. It’ll be easier for me to find the meaning behind its message on my own. I won’t be gone forever.”

“But you also don’t know how long it’ll take,” Han finished; an ill favored look hanging on his features as he regarded the island’s sharp, rocky terrain with a distrustful eye. 

Luke could feel the fear and hesitance in his touch, and in many ways he couldn’t fault him for it. This wasn’t exactly a welcome return for him either and if Luke had his way he would far prefer to be back at home with Rey and Leia than searching for answers in a place that now seemed fraught with loneliness and misery in his eyes. 

“I won’t be gone forever,” Luke said again, hoping this time that his words carried the tones of the promise that he wanted to communicate. “I think… I think I have an idea where to look. If I’m not back by nightfall, you can come searching for me.”

Neither Han nor Chewbacca seemed the least bit convinced, but they also seemed to understand with growing weariness that it would be impossible for either of them to talk Luke out of his plan. He bid them both goodbye, as he departed in order to make his trek down towards the caves below.

*

Ahch-To was a place of balance. Luke had started to realize that during his first visit, but the time away and the onslaught of visions had made him see that there was more to the planet than he had originally thought. The first Jedi temples may have been built here, but perhaps something else lurked on the world as well.

Trekking across Ahch-To’s rocky terrain was easier now. His body hadn’t completely recovered from the pregnancy, his muscles still felt unprepared for vigorous activity after so long spent in a mostly sedentary state, but he was already several pounds lighter and the climb down towards the island’s lower levels was easier on his knees.

Just as it had been with the mountain, there was no properly planned out path to be found, just a collection of stone that had been shaped over time to vaguely resemble something similar to stairs leading down towards the cave. Luke had felt the darkness coming from it on his first trip to Ahch-To, but between his pregnant form and the overwhelming visions, there simply hadn’t been time for him to explore it. Even now a part of Luke had his doubts that his dreams were truly a result of the cave, but in his mind there was a hunch he simply couldn’t ignore that drew him closer to the cave’s mouth.

He moved carefully over the slippery rocks, his footfalls steady and deliberate as sharp waves of salt water swelled up and splashed against him, stinging his eyes and making his path more difficult to navigate. Still he continued moving forward, back pressed as flat as he could manage against the sharp stones jutting from the mountainside until he arrived on the platform like surface near the entrance.

The air on Ahch-To was already too frosty for his liking, but somehow the closer he got to the cave the colder he felt. Each breeze felt like knives slicing into his skin, icy chills clawing fiercely into him as thoughts of Rey kept swimming to his mind. He thought of both versions of her, the baby safe on Coruscant and the young woman who would travel to this planet years in the future. Whenever he blinked, visions of the two would appear before him – his baby whimpering and crying out in frightened wails, the girl with brown eyes filled with pain – and any doubt that this had been the source of his troubles was sharply dismissed. 

Luke closed his eyes and told himself to think of her as he had last seen her, a delicate bundle resting peacefully in his arms, but instead he found himself recalling the image of her standing in the rain, jaw clenched and wounded eyes growing hard. 

_I was wrong about you._ her voice called out to him from a sea spread wide through time and space. In his ears he could hear the howl of the wind and rain as her words came out in trembles. _You are just a sad old man and I never want to see you again._

“Rey,” he whispered as his eyes slowly opened. Even as the darkness pushed against him, Luke found his steps guided by thoughts of her. He needed to do this for her, to protect her, to find out what was haunting them. 

It was those thoughts that he held in his mind even as his feet lost their footing and he began to fall.

*

Luke wasn’t sure how long he had been falling, the vertigo shuffling his senses until he found himself colliding with a pool of salt water. His body tightened with shock and pain, the biting cold of the water setting his skin on fire and his mind careening. There was only darkness to greet him, but somehow Luke found enough presence of mind to will his arms and legs into moving, kicking against the water that seemed intent to drag him down into the bottomless depths. His arms, legs, and lungs were all burning by the time he reached something flat and solid beneath the waves that lead him towards land. 

Sharp rocks greeted his hands and knees as Luke crawled his way to the surface, the cold burrowing deeper into him despite the distance he had put between himself and the water. More darkness surrounded him, more nothingness and Luke wondered if his eyes would ever adjust.

Groping in the dark he felt around for his weapons belt, his mind steadying somewhat when his fingers, numbed from cold, brushed against the handle of his blaster and the hilt of his lightsaber. Luke attempted to crawl onto his hands and knees before igniting the saber as an improvised light source to guide him, but his body still felt too numb to respond properly to his own thoughts. 

“So you finally showed up.”

For a moment the numbness seemed to shift from his limbs to his head as Luke felt himself roll onto his back and look up into the darkness. A hooded figure was looming over him, wrapped in a heavy gray cloak that was starting to become all too familiar to Luke’s eyes. The glint of a metal hand caught his eyes from beneath the robes, a sight that should have been impossible given the darkness of the cave, but slowly the light seemed to be returning to his surroundings, illuminating a small patch of the ground around Luke and the other being. 

He wasn’t a ghost this time, but solid and alive as far as Luke’s eyes could see but he also kept his distance, refusing to stoop down or even gesture in Luke’s direction. Yet despite the figure’s pointed distance he was obviously looking directly at Luke and no one else. 

_I’m dreaming,_ Luke told himself as he pressed a hand to his damp face. _I hit my head on the way down._

“Wrong,” the figure told him dismissively as he folded his arms over his chest, the gesture causing the bare synthetic hand to be all the more apparent. “You bumped your head, but you’re awake. I’m here. I’ve been waiting for you.”

This time when Luke pushed himself off the ground, he managed to stand on his trembling legs. His clothes were still soaked and clung to him in odd places, the grit of the salt water causing his skin to itch uncomfortably, but he ignored it all. “Who are you?” he asked.

A short, bitter laugh was his answer. The synthetic hand raised up to the hem of the hood, pushing it aside and revealing his face, the older version of himself glowering irritably at him. 

“We both know the answer to that,” he groused in low, gravelly voice. It was a strange thing to hear, a voice that was his own, but not all at once. It sounded so much different now than it had in his dreams, just as his older self’s face looked different now that it was fleshed out and alive instead of a distant shadow being observed from afar. Luke could practically smell him, feel his warmth, and yet he kept his distance just as the older Jedi did. He could feel so many emotions in the other presence, but the same apprehension seemed reflected back at him, as if both were too uneasy to do more than regard the other from a far. “Ask me what you came here to find out.”

Flashes of his visions came back to him as Luke glowered over at his older self, hands shaking from something other than the cold. “Rey,” he said, the name causing the older Luke’s face to flinch slightly. “Why did you leave her?”

“To keep her safe.” The response was automatic as if practiced a dozen times, likely spoken mostly to himself more than anyone else, but it failed to convince either of them. Still the older Luke didn’t back down or waiver as he continued to frown stubbornly back at the younger Jedi. “To protect her. I did what any good father would have done.”

“You abandoned her! You hurt her. Why?”

“Because being near me was dangerous.” Old Luke frowned, closing his eyes and turning away for just a moment as if to push away something from his own mind, before turning back to look at him with the same tired, wounded eyes. “I had to make sure everyone thought that she was dead, that we were _both_ gone so they’d stop searching for us.”

“Who? Why?”

Old Luke snorted bitterly, rolling his eyes as his mouth twisted into a tight frown. “You’ve seen the dreams,” he grumbled. In the growing light Luke caught the way the metal fingers began to flex, drumming almost impatiently against the flesh of the old Jedi’s arms. “You can figure it out.”

“So you did send me those visions.”

“Wrong.”

“Then who?”

He shook his head in disappointment. “I can’t tell you that, but you’ll learn eventually just like you’ll understand why I had to leave Rey.”

“No!” Luke grimaced, clutching his head and the oddly tender place just behind his left ear that was beginning to throb. Yet when he pulled his hand away from the spot there was no blood, just more salt water. “I’ll never understand and I’ll never do that to her! She’s my daughter.”

A knowing smile curled Old Luke’s tight lips as if Luke had tapped into the makings of some private joke. “But she’s more than that, isn’t she? You’ve figured that much out, haven’t you?”

His right hand fell to his stomach, touching the spot just below his naval that at times felt oddly hollow. “She was made by the will of the Force,” he concluded and from the approving air of his other self, it had been the correct conclusion. “She is a child of light. But… Han?”

“Yes, she’s Han’s,” the older Jedi snapped impatiently. “She’s Han’s and yours, but she’s more than that! She belongs to everyone, just like I did.”

“So you shrugged off all your responsibility and put it on her?”

“ _She’s_ the balance that the Force needs,” he went on, seemingly unabated. His older self remained routed where he stood. He was straight and determined in front of Luke, but his arms began to wave about the chilled air, emphasizing his words with their sharp movements. “It worked through me, through _you_. It used our feelings for Han and created Rey, because that’s what we wanted, even if we didn’t know we wanted it.”

Luke gave his head a slight shake and regretted it when a throb of pain promptly pushed back at him in response to the gesture. “You make it seem like she’s just an obligation, a burden that was thrust upon us.”

“You were right the first time,” Old Luke said, again carrying on as if Luke hadn’t said anything. “She was made to be a disciple, our ‘padawan.’ She became our star apprentice, because she was made to be perfect, more gifted than any Jedi before her.”

“But if that was the reason then why go through all this? Why force _me_ to…?”

“Love was the key, wasn’t it? It’s what defeated the Sith, returned Vader to the light. If it could work on him then it would work on the true savior.” 

“Don’t talk about Rey like that! Like she’s just a tool. She’s a baby, _our baby_!” Tightness grew in the pit of his chest as pressure seized his lungs for just a moment. Luke had to close his eyes and will it all away before he could carry on. “Didn’t you love her? Didn’t you _care_ at all?”

“Of course I did. I loved her.”

The answer had come quickly, automatic, and that should have been comforting, but it wasn’t. Instead Luke found himself frowning at how rehearsed his older self’s response had been, hollow in its seemingly practiced nature.

“What about Han?” he asked instead, deciding then to change tactics. “It’s bad enough that you abandoned Rey, did you have to take her away from _him_ , too? Couldn’t she have at least been safe with one of her fathers?”

A heavy sigh escaped the older Jedi as he looked at his younger self with pitying distain. “I forgot how naïve I could be,” he grumbled more to himself than Luke. “Being with me, being with Han, it’s dangerous either way. The three of us together was like a giant target daring someone to take aim and fire.”

“Why couldn’t you just fight? Who were you running from?”

“Fighting doesn’t always work. Sometimes it just leads to more death and pain. How many more children needed to die just to keep Rey by my side?”

Children. The word sent a sharp flash of searing cold digging behind his eyes. The thought brought the makings of an image far too terrible to comprehend searing into the forefront of his mind, but he pushed it away. It couldn’t be, he couldn’t have that sort of blood on his hands, and yet…

“I don’t care what made her. I don’t care what reason there was for it, she’s mine and she deserves to be with me and Han and Leia. She deserves a family.”

The look in Old Luke’s blue eyes was tired and heavy with sympathy. It struck him how sad and hollow his older self appeared to be, how cold and lonely he had become. Was it this place? Was it Ahch-To? Or was it something that Luke simply couldn’t see. His head was too filled with pain to properly focus, but all he could gage was coldness and sorrow, but a part of him was starting to wonder if those feelings truly belonged to this other. “You don’t understand,” the older Jedi lamented. “Of course you don’t, but you will in time.”

“No. I won’t become you. I’m not going to push them away.”

“You don’t have a choice. Nothing’s going to change. Nothing ever changes. You can do everything the _right_ way – marry Han, build a temple, teach the children and raise Rey – but sooner or later it’ll fall apart and you’ll end up right back here.”

“ _No _!” Luke raised a hand and felt the pulsating energy building inside him as his chest tightened and his head stung. “I won’t let it happen. I won’t be you!”__

__With one thought he pushed it all away, the lingering images dissipating like a curtain of water being disrupted by rocks thrown into the stream._ _

__*_ _

__It was sunset by the time he had returned to the Falcon and everything hurt. His head felt heavy and uneven as he walked stiffly on legs that felt ready to shake apart beneath his weight. Han and Chewbacca were waiting for him, the two discussing something frantically between each other before turning to regard him with an air of relief._ _

__His clothes were still heavy and wet, his body sore from the fall, and his lungs struggling to take in air properly, but Luke still found the energy he needed to sprint his way towards Han, closing the distance between them before pulling the other man into a tight embrace._ _

__Han instantly went ridged in his arms, his body seeming to freeze when Luke wrapped his arms around his neck and pulled him into a firm kiss. There was so much confusion coming from him and Luke couldn’t fault him, but that didn’t stop him from keeping his lips latched to Han’s face for as long as his burning lungs would allow._ _

__“What’s gotten into you?” Han asked when he finally managed to pull Luke away. His eyes were wide, running up and down Luke’s figure and taking in his disheveled appearance. “And why are you all wet?”_ _

__“Marry me,” Luke said, the words coming out in a breathless rush. His lips were already beginning to tingle with longing as his fingers gripped firmly against the base of Han’s neck._ _

__Han seemed lost. His gaze flickered over to Chewbacca who had been rendered completely silent by their display before Han turned his attention back towards Luke. “I… whuh…?”_ _

__“Marry me,” Luke repeated. He leaned in and offered Han’s slack lips another kiss before reluctantly pulling back to make certain he spoke clearly. “Right now. Let’s head somewhere and just do it.”_ _

__“Not until you tell me what’s happened. Start making sense for once!”_ _

__“Han, I love you and I don’t want to spend another moment not being your husband. That’s all the sense I need.” He closed his eyes and leaned into the other man’s frame, relishing the warmth that seemed to be easing away the cold. Still the cool air made him shiver and his fingers tingled as they gripped Han’s back a bit too tightly, but as his head rested on the other man’s shoulder Luke felt stable and balanced again. “I saw the whole picture and it was terrible, but we can change it. I know that we can.”_ _

__“By getting married?” Han said with an uneasy laugh._ _

__“Yes,” Luke told him confidently, “because love is the answer. You were right all along. There doesn’t need to be a reason why Rey was made, we should just be happy she’s with us. And you and I belong together. We’re a family: the two of us, Leia, Chewie, Lando, the droids. That’s what Rey needs._ _

__“We could spend a year preparing the perfect wedding, but I don’t need that. I just need to be with you, forever.”_ _

__Luke opened his eyes and tilted his head up. He was reluctant to pull away, but the hesitance hadn’t left Han’s being and Luke needed to see him to be certain he hadn’t thrown the other man too far off balance with his declaration. There was bewilderment in his gaze, but more than that there was eager joy, gleeful anticipation, and when Han at last wrapped his own arms around Luke the touch communicated fondness and love._ _

__“This… this isn’t something to just jump into on a whim,” Han warned, but a smile was already curling his lips. “If you wake up in the morning second guessing…”_ _

__“There’s nothing to second guess. The picture I saw was full of truths and lies, but I saw them all. And the one truth I saw again and again was us.”_ _

__“If you really want this…”_ _

__“I really do.”_ _

__“… then let’s do it.”_ _

__This time it was Han that closed the gap between them, answering the growing smile on Luke’s face by pressing his lips flush against it. Luke breathed in Han’s scent, the warmth of his touch spilling into him, filling his lungs and seeping straight to his bones as the chill died away. At long last he began to feel at peace, reassured knowing that this would be their path._ _

__After a while Han’s lips fell away from him, but his touch lingered. Their foreheads stayed pressed together as Han tightened his hold on Luke’s frame. “Let’s get you inside and dried off,” he said, his voice a warm rumble that made Luke’s toes curl. “We’ll start looking at star charts later.”_ _

__Suddenly too overwhelmed with joy and relief, Luke couldn’t quite find the words to actually reply. Instead he let out a small breath and allowed himself to be lead inside the Falcon._ _

__Han barely allowed Luke the space he needed to maneuver up the Falcon’s ramp, his right arm remaining in contact with Luke at all times as their sides were pressed flush together. Luke reasoned it was for the best given how tired and sore he felt, his injuries seeming to make themselves all the more apparent with each step._ _

__“You know,” Han told him idly, “your sister will kill us when she finds out we tied the knot without her.”_ _

__He chuckled and snaked his left arm behind Han’s waist. “It’ll be fine. She’ll forgive us in time.”_ _


End file.
